"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Thursday, April 16, 2009


Taking tomorrow off and for the next few Friday’s will do the same. Have to use up some of my vacation time or lose it. So, I would think the ideal time to use my remaining days off would be the next day after Group. I can then regroup, process without interruption, catching up on responding to a lot of your comments to me and have an extended weekend. Even though I do not particularly like weekends at the moment (because I am too much left to my own stinking thinking), I have realized I am just too much of a zombie come Friday, so the day off(s) will be welcoming at this point.

I did NOT want to go to Group tonight! I thought of every excuse possible. I did not sleep well, work was a bear, I did not want to make the drive, I am just too ‘frickin’ tired.

But, I went.

I feel like I am two different people.

When I blog, my thoughts come together much easier with less frustration in what I want to say than when IRL with both my counseling sessions weekly. It just continues to frickin’ irk me that at this point, even though I have made some strides, I am still detached and cannot emotionally reconnect.


  1. Only thing I know for sure about emotions is that
    I GOT 'EM! Yep!

    I try to hide them, but that ain't easy, especial;ly when I've spent half my life learning to be honest.

  2. Yeah...I'm many 'people' too - ranging in age from 5 to 38.
    I never know who might turn up when...
    Sending you good thoughts..
    ~ Grace

  3. Boy do I understand 'stinking thinking'. Wouldn't it be great if there was an off switch? I wish you better days soon.

  4. Don't beat yourself!! There's a reason journaling is therapeutic. You're already making strides...you are able to put your thoughts in writing, so many cannot do that. Celebrate it! The rest will come, just be patient with yourself

  5. Hi like you and mayn others I have that stinking thinking and last night I had giving in and did NOT go my Al Anon meeting. Pretty down right now and have to pick me up again. Just wanted to let you know independetly how many persons you are, you DID go. Well done. Paula

  6. writing is good. its out, in black and white. and you can see it. makes it real, not a figment of your imagination you can sweep away into an obscure corner... and enjoy your vacation days, you lucky girl.

  7. I salute you for sharing of your true feeling - that prove that you are still in control of your mind despite you are in dire of struggling. I can sense and understand your feeling because i have gone through before. I do understand that saying is much earlier than done. But I believe that you can overcome it. Stay cool and draw God's grace and everything will be alright. I write to remind you that you are not alone. FYI, I have signed in as your follower and will visit you more often.God bless,

  8. Thanks for your honesty once again. Don't be too hard on yourself.

    I used to go to group therapy and it was difficult. I also feel the need to have an extended weekend - I have every friday off my studies.

    Remember how much God loves you and how He will stick with you no matter how difficult it is.

    Still praying for you.

    God Bless


  9. My therapy group actually acted like it was unhealthy for me to have a blog. "Why would you put your thoughts out there for anyone to see?" they asked. And my therapist acted like I post about issues on my blog so that I don't have to deal with them in group.

    I couldn't believe the negative reaction I got. BLOGGING HELPS ME! Amen ~ Allison

  10. Hi,

    I would love to have some long weekends. Did you ever think about maybe writing down what you want to talk about before you go to your meetings maybe that would help. The weekends can be tough if it makes you think too much, could maybe a hobby that keeps your mind busy help with that? Do you like gardening or crafting or maybe volunteering some where? I hope you can have some peace this weekend, hang in there :)

  11. Give yourself more credit for the forward steps that you have taken and quit trying to always be perfect. It doesn't work. Trying to be perfect just gives you an excuse to beat yourself up when you don't meet your own expectations. Take a breath. Breathe it out and start again.

  12. odd....same thing happens to us. we can not seem to connect or speak out at "T"...everything and everyone seems to clam up. that is why we print our week's worth of blogging and take it to "T" and give it to Doc.

  13. I can relate to use it ore lose the vacation as well.the Sheriffs department where I worked had the same policy.The bad part was trying to get the supervisor to allow the use of said vacation time.