and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23
My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.
Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.
Daddy let me be secure in You only!
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
There are times still when I am struggling emotionally I sometimes reflect back to a period in the mid 1960's where I would be on a swing alone at one of my friends house. I can even recall pretty vividly that particular day. It was a fall like day, I was wearing shorts, had short hair, the trees surrounding me and what direction I was facing on the swing.
When I am struggling emotionally, I will call up that day in my mind and tell little JBR "you can wake up now." Meaning I never left that point and time. I am back there. I just drifted into the future.
I cherished that day and time as a peaceful and safe place that I did not want to leave. When I was actually there on that day, I remember even thinking, as young child of seven or eight, this would be a place in my mind I could always come back to and feel safe. Something like that.
Now it gets harder to explain......but I will try....
But there was a "BUT." A big "BUT."
At this safe place when I would bring up this memory of being actually back there as a child, I would recall as a child and have the opportunity to advance 40 years into the future. Confused yet? Taking one painful year at a time. Seeing how my life became. I went off to this place many times as a child and early teens. Finding myself as an adult still going there, but not as frequent as I had other avenues to use for safety (i.e. la-la land).
When I catch myself still now seeking this peaceful time, it is usually when I am under a lot of emotional stress. Disappointed that I am not physically present as a child on that swing when reality hits me once again.
Okay, why did I share this? I have always tried to explain this important focal point to my first t. and she did not get it. So I gave up. But for some reason, here comes my "Spirit" urging me on to try once again to share. And to share with you all.
So, in re-reading this entry, I come close to explaining the feelings I was experiencing and the peacefulness (something I have not had in ages) inside me. Though writing the emotion and experiencing the emotion in my mind and heart are two different things.
In essence this is where I went to be safe.