Spoke with my mum this morning and she tells me she had a bad night at the hospital. With her it is hard to judge her severity as she has irrational fears. I will not know until I see her in a little while if she will be ready to be released as planned today. Then take her home and care for her for the next week.
Meanwhile I picked up the book by Beth Moore, "Get Out of that Pit." I read it before. I normally do not like to read. But when I do, I am a "underliner," "highlighter," "margin commenter" and "star drawer" on important and relevant profound things that have touched me.
So this morning I have been flipping through her book before leaving for the hospital and came across one of many notations, and stars I made on a page. The following is what I "starred and underlined that I could so relate to now:"
When God performs a dramatic deliverance in our lives, the nature of some of our closest relationships inevitably changes. The healthier we get, the more we realize how unhealthy we were.
That last sentence especially was profound to me.
In retrospect, I see how I lived in a unhealthy and dysfunctional family. The irrational fears of my mum which carried over to myself. The emotional hurt and sadness and the lack of properly being nurtured or socialized into the world made the life I lived very dismal, depressing and hopeless. Because basically I lived a very fearful, shame filled, controlling and isolated life. Which spilled over to the few unhealthy relationships later on in life I tried to develop.
Right now, I am exhausted and going through a trying time with my mum. The next week as I care for her will be a challenge for me. Then my brother takes over for a week.
Still though it is amazing how God heals and continues to heal me through finally going through the pain and seeing clearly and understanding what seemed normal to me, Was Not!
JBR I am happy to see even in such a difficult trial you see the progress of your journey. You understand maybe not liking what life gives you, but you understand the growth to your healing. Many people just quit. Rather live in denial. You've been a pillar of strength and encouragement for many of us. For that, a grateful thank you and God Bless.
ReplyDeleteI like that quote too. The more healthy were get the more we are able to understand what it is we have been healed from.
ReplyDeleteThanks for coming back to my blog to welcome me. :)
I like what your first commenter said. Says it all for me. The encouragement in your posts helps me on my struggles in life. Take care JBR. Your doing great.
ReplyDeleteYou are so strong in the Lord. I do believe he is able.
ReplyDeleteJBR, you have the strength and determination to get through this week, one day at a time. Looking back and seeing our progress is so important in letting us know that we can heal and get healthier. I agree with you that my childhood normal was anything but normal. I don't want to be normal. I want to be healthy. Glad you and your mom were bypassed by Hurricane Irene.
ReplyDeleteThat statement hit me hard. I had to write it down. I can definitely see why you highlighted it and starred it!
ReplyDeletePraying all is well with your mother and that she doesn't give you a week in hell. I hope she realizes what you are doing for her. ((HUGS))
Hi JBR,
ReplyDeleteYou will make it through this time. :) Praying for you and your mum; quick recovery.
Hugs,
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HI JBR - you are doing a very good thing - stay focused on the now, not what was or ought to be but the kindness YOU are bestowing on your Mom, regardless. It will come back ten-fold from some where -
ReplyDeleteLove to you always
Gail
peace......
WAY TO GO JBR. GODS BLESSINGS ON YOU ARE YOU GO THROUGH THE NEXT STEP OF YOUR JOURNY.
ReplyDeleteI have the book "Get Out of that Pit" too, JBR. It's a good one.
ReplyDeleteYour post here is very insightful - you clearly recognize the many ways in which you were wounded growing up and the how this set you up for unhealthy relationships later on. May God continue to heal you and set you free.
Hugs to you, my friend :)