I am learning to live with something new ever since I discovered I am going through the change of life. Since November of last year, I was plagued with a burning sensation non-stop in my face and eyes. Doctor's could not pin-point my symptoms. Even having me at one point suffering from a brain disease.
Finally, I took matters into my own hands, as I just listened, felt and watched my own symptoms daily in my body that I was going through the change of life and was probably lacking Estrogen. I began taking the supplements. Because I was in agony and perplexed with this constant burning. Praise the Lord, that was the fix. But, unfortunately the mood swings and raw emotions remain and have increased. These mood swings seem worse than having PMS.
This week has been terrible. My mood swings from early in the morning to at night have swung back and forth so many times I wear myself out. Feel like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I do not know if I am coming or going. Blogging helps for the moment. Blogging a lot this week. Mainly out of my emotion at the time.
I can be so raw one moment and so agitated the next. Memories from my past can have such an impact on my raw state of mind that I am crying heavy heaps. Feeling at times such sadness to worthlessness and then around again to whatever. I cannot sit still and then I am so tired. Sometimes I do not know what I want.
Although one thing I know for certain now is I can tell right away what kind of day I will have. If something so insignificant like dropping a pen on the floor bothers me where I blow up and go berserk, yelling at the top of my lungs profanity, I know I am suffering big-time. With that in mind, I can give myself more grace. I do not need to beat myself up accusing myself of "how dare I behave this way." Somehow I have always felt I was not entitled to be human. That I needed to be in control! And a woman who of all things "should" be able to deal with menopause and the horrors it can bring.
Nope.
I see this as yet another humbling reminder from the Lord.
I went through surgery induced metapause in my thirties. All I can say is it does get better with time. Just hang on for the ride!
ReplyDeleteI feel bad for you! I'm so sorry you are going through this. I'll be praying for you.
ReplyDeleteMy hubby just said last night "I'll never understand how you can be cold and then warm so fast." It really helps to share these things with women. Praying, my friend. God understands us.
ReplyDeleteI thought I had bone cancer because every joint in my body ached. My cousin said she thought she had a brain tumor. No body tells you about all the mysterious syptoms you have during the change.
ReplyDeleteI feel that way sometimes...Like full of strength at one point only to lag the next. It is hard that changes are inevitable but I know we can choose to lean more on Him at times we don't understand why such things happen. It's not easy and thank you for sharing because then, we know, we are all in the same boat. We can gain strength from each other. May we endure JBR! Take care.
ReplyDeleteBelieve me, I understand these swings, JBR! I have them too and they started soon after I turned forty (maybe even in my late thirties). Why these symptoms began so early I don't know but I've had them for years. Supplements help a bit but I hate the mood swings. Plus, I think I drive my husband batty because I lower the thermostat to 60 so I don't fry all night :) I'll pray that your symptoms ease some more.
ReplyDeleteOne of my sister's is 49 and she's having hot flashes and mood swings too. Mine have been going on longer though despite the fact that I'm younger than her. I can't wait for it to end! UGH! My husband probably wondered if someone exchanged his real wife for a witch when he wasn't looking ;)