My earthly father many times made me feel like I was a burden. Even as an adult. I can remember the words he would say to me that made my little girl cry inside and want to curl up and die. When my dad was alive and I moved back to Florida I stayed for a year with my brother and sister-in-law before finding my own place. Had a job, helped pay bills and still my dad constantly reminded me in no uncertain terms that I was a burden to my brother and that they did not want me living with them. My brother never said that. That was just my dad assuming this. Speaking his critical mind. Because my Dad Would not want me to stay with him.
My dad's words and looks would crush me growing up. He had a very low tolerance for about anything. A very critical and judgmental man. My mum has her own twist of cutting one to pieces. Now-a-days I call her on it. But I become exasperated. As we then argue.
My mum can be very insulting. Besides insults with my weight.... now she has found a new thing to complain about. "Tanning." I have been getting some sun. My mum has managed to cut me down that I am not tanning evenly and I do not look healthy because of it. (Had to chuckle at that one) She is so appearance conscience.
She also still finds time to call me stupid when I do not do what she wants. I have told her to stop calling me this. But she does not. She may put a little flare to it so it does not sound harsh and call me, "Little Stupido." Stupid or Stupido, the meaning is the same.
I am so glad that my Heavenly Daddy does NOT call me insulting names. He has many good names for each one of us!
As I continue to heal, my belief that I am a capable individual with intelligence grows. That I do deserve respect. And that I am NOT this Little Stupido!
I am striving to believe fully in my heart one day the label God would put on me, "Loveable." Getting there.....
So sorry that your father hurt you so badly with his words. Your mom too. Parents don't do that!!! It is a deeply insecure person who hurts others with unkind words. It makes me sick that parents can be so cruel. Your other posts were in my reader so I was able to read them but not open them. Please know that I care about you and your feelings. ((HUGS))
ReplyDeleteHi JBR,
ReplyDeleteWords can either build or tear down, they are so powerful.
You know that old rhyme...sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never harm me.... Well, this always stumbled me. I learned this song on the school grounds and sang it as a child without really even thinking about the words until one day I was singing this and I started listening to the words I sang and it just didn't make sense. You see, I was an awkward kid, tall, gangly and all thumbs. :s School was not a place I liked at all. The kids were mean and I was teased a lot. At a ripe age of I think I was 8, I decided that that song was nothing but a lie because words do hurt.
Praises to God for loving and always speaking words of love and growth into us. I am so glad you have our Father to listen to and build you up in the way He created you to be.
Blessings,
<><
My therapist re-labled what I thought was verbal abuse. She said it was Emotional Abuse. And it was.
ReplyDeleteBless you and continue on with your upward journey.
Little Stupido? That's just plain cruel, Grace, and it's definitely a form of abuse, as is constantly criticizing a person's physical appearance. Whether she is aware of it or not, these type of comments are a way of exerting control over another person and a form of manipulation. They are sinful too because they break the law of love that Jesus stressed in Holy Scripture. May God replace every harsh word that you have received and replace it with loving ones. You are completely lovable to God and totally irreplaceable. You are unique, gifted, and showered with God's grace.
ReplyDeleteMay God deeply heal these wounds caused by the lack of love and nurturing in your family background. And I pray that your mother comes to the realization that it's unacceptable in God's eyes to treat others in such a way - especially your own child because it causes twice the pain.
Hugs!!
Grace, I am so sorry to hear of all the emotional pain that you have had to deal with for so long. As the others have said, this was/is abuse from your parents. May God richly bless you with his healing love.
ReplyDeleteNames really do hurt huh? Those labels stay with us; they are so hard to get rid of. For the months I have been around, I see how much God is moving in your life. By the way all that vitamin D from the sun is great for your health! :)
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you are suffering. As women God has created us to be relational. We, by our very nature, seek acceptance and desire to be connected with others. And when we are so cruelly rejected it is very painful.
ReplyDeleteRest assured that God will deal with your parents in His good time. Always keep in mind that it is the enemy trying to hurt you. (Ephesians 6:12)
All God asks of you is to continue trusting Him and obeying His commands for your life.
" This is my command-Be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."
~ Joshua 1:9
Blessings to you dear sister.
Being hurt by our nearest who supposed to love us first is very cruel. Im glad you found God and you are precious in His sight. You are wonderfully made and the best is yet to come:)
ReplyDeleteI have a hard time recovering from attacks of people who want to cut me down and stamp on me and tell me I am good for nothing or I doing things wrong. 3 weeks ago this happened and wept for 10 days
ReplyDeleteBut god lifted me up JBR- He loves us
Forgiveness is a very powerful tool from God. In times like you have described and yes I have been there, I instead pray for the other person for deep inside they are hurting more than you. They don't know God in their life. Bless you and have a great day.
ReplyDeleteyou are worthy of beautiful titles like...
ReplyDeletegraceful, courageous, strong, lovely, Father-seeking...and those are just the ones that are evident from your blog!
I am sorry that your mother does not offer you the support and love you deserve. JBR, you are very lovable, and I am so glad that you are focusing on providing yourself with the self-compassion/acceptance/love that you deserve! You are an inspiration - thank you! (((((JBR)))))
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry also that you went through this as a child and even now with your mother. I hope as time goes by God will heal the little girl inside.
ReplyDeletei pray healing and peace
ReplyDeleteand sunkisses that make your heart warm:)
-Jennifer
You are so very right in saying that you deserve respect, you are very right. My heart hurts in thinking of how badly your mother and father have spoken to you. Hold tight in knowing that you are such a wonderful, kind, and deserving person - one that deserves so much more than how you've been treated.
ReplyDeleteBlessings and many hugs being sent your way.
May God continue to bless you with healing and with peace. Thank you for sharing so openly.
ReplyDeleteSo glad that His love made a way deep into your heart to comfort you and strengthen you with all these painful things from this place. You got that piece of Heaven living in you. That's the truth! Have an awesome Wednesday JBR! Get some more Son!!!
ReplyDelete