"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Friday, March 27, 2009


When I saw this picture on the internet tonight the first thing that crossed my mind was this is what I am striving to get back. Grabbing hold of my heart that left me so many years ago to childhood trauma. (For me to even say and admit “trauma” in my life is an accomplishment for me).

Right now, there are very strong controlling, manipulitive issues I am dealing with from a strong-willed member of my family, who insists on treating me and seeing me as a child and with that I am experiencing tremendous emotional pain. A major battle is raging, as I am fighting and standing my ground to establish my boundaries and to be my own individual! I am so Very Angry!!!! Feel crappy and totally exhausted!!! With every ounce in me fending off the strongholds of guilt, shame and hopelessness, deep down inside I know the cutting pain I am feeling must take place in order to be set free. How long? Only God knows. Can’t use my “drive through recovery” can I?

I feel so very alone, although I know I am not. God is with me! He has not left me. He is right beside me. He will let me experience and go through what I must, in order for His perfect will to be done. Tough love huh? I hate this! And at the same time I need this!!!

I am scared *&^&*#@@ !!!!


  1. May I suggest, going to his word and seeking his face. I hope the Holy Spirit fills you with his glory.

  2. one step at a time,as they say Rome was not built in a day.hugs.

  3. Mention of Rome (Mike Golch comment) reminds me, JBReal of that quote: "E Tu Brute" "You too, Brutus?") and in a completely different connotation, its appropriateness tonight. I'm having a rough one, and you, too?

    Well, let's just hold hands and say the Lord's Prayer together--or a prayer of your choice--for you, and for me.

  4. you are not alone...we are with you....God is with you....you survived....the pain, the shame you feel now....you know you can survive...no it doesn't feel like it...but look at what you have survived! safe hugs to you

  5. I'm glad that you remembered that God is with you. Sometimes it is easy to question why we have to go through all that we do. Your faith is so important, and a good reminder to me to focus on God's plan.


  6. You wrote:
    "I feel so very alone,
    "I am scared *&^&*#@@ !!!!

    I hope an angel came and removed these things from you during the night.

    I asked 'Flex' to help me, if it's God's will, and this morning I KNOW the prayers of this blog community were heard. and the intentions heeded.

    In your case also?

    If not, I'll ask Flex to help YOU today.

  7. stuck-in-the-middleMarch 28, 2009

    Praying for you.

  8. You have the right to be angry when people around you troubles you.
    Anger is a not a good emotion we all know . You have to think, as you said, about you and try not to let others interfere with your emotions.
    This is a hard job!
    But I guess you are already doing it.
    Being aware that you are angry is already a good sign. And you know what is causing you this feeling.
    You will reach peace.
    I trust your perceptions.

  9. When going through tremendous emotional pain it's always like adding insult to injury when family members don't seem to understand. I hope you find peace over this.

  10. sad to know you are going through so much ... but God is with you.. don't worry.. everything will be fine.. don't ever let your faith in Him die... believe in yourself, in your dreams, and in the almighty... God bless you!!!

  11. Hi again

    I know, a little, how this feels. When I started getting help for my problems some of my family members reacted in a negative, controlling manner - mainly because they didn't want to look 'negative' to the world.

    Sometimes I got so dark I doubted God's love but luckily I had a robust church community who wouldn't let me do that for long. May God Bless them.

    Hang in there OK? God is with you all the way.

    God Bless


  12. God IS with you. He is so good. It took me many years to share my "secret" of trauma. I was 33 I believe when I first told someone about it with fear and trembling. That was the beginning of my healing process. He has shown me through the years each step of healing that has taken place. I say... "Wow! That doesn't affect me any more!" and I smile. Step by step.... one day at a time. He said, "I will be with you always, even unto the end."

  13. I know that your relationship with this person continues to be a flare-up spot in your life. It would be so much easier if you didn't love them. Have you read this meditation from NACR?

    In your anger, do not sin.
    Ephesians 4:26

    Living in relationship with other people means that we will experience seasons of anger. Anger is a normal human emotion. It is an unavoidable ingredient of any fellowship.

    Unfortunately, for most of us, anger is a problem. We know that anger can lead to destructive behaviors. Some of us have been on the receiving end of verbal and physical attacks from an angry person. And some of us have lashed out at others with our anger. So we fear anger because we have seen the destruction which results when anger leads to sin. We have seen how anger can damage relationships and lead to loneliness.

    But anger does not have to be destructive. We can be angry without harming others. Anger can, in fact, be a constructive force in our lives. Anger alerts us to the fact that something is not right. As a result, anger can protect us and energize us to take constructive action.

    The fellowship we need in recovery cannot always be conflict-free fellowship. There will be times of anger. And that can be a good thing.

    I am afraid of anger, Lord.
    But I know it can't be avoided.
    Help me to acknowledge my anger
    rather than hide from it.
    Help me to use it in ways that are not destructive.
    Let it energize me to risk and change and grow.
    Help me to learn to live constructively with my anger

    Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan

    I hope you find it as helpful as I did. Love you lady!

  14. Lisa, thank you for your concern and sharing the devotion! Blessings dear one!