"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Tuesday, May 05, 2009


I do not even know where to begin on this one!

Right now it has taken me a few hours just to recover physically from today’s t. My body reacted to some “fearful” realizations. One being “fear” itself. In truth, ‘paralyzing fear.’ Paralyzing numbing fear where I felt I could not move, could not speak (except nod), could not feel at one point my extremities and had trouble swallowing. Wanted to bolt!! Feeling surreal; is this really happening; am I B.S-ing?

Am exhausted!!!!! And to think, this is only the tip of the iceberg!

Even in my healing I feel the need “to do it right.” But, is there a right way??? No! This is what I need to understand and BELIEVE!!!! I am going on what I think should be right and that is the wrong way to approach my goal. For one, I know my thinking can be screwed up, so what I think is “right” could totally be “wrong.” Others see what I do not see…..yet. So I need to trust the ones who do know and who have gone through similarities themselves and not always rely on “what I think should be happening” and just let it happen!


  1. Hey JBR!

    I had to read this post several times--probably my mind isn't all here, or there, or anywhere! Well, I finally, zeroed in on "...'what I think should be happening' and just let it happen!"

    Then I became OK with the world again. Thank you. And remember, we ALL have a long way to ge, but there is NO law which says we cannot enjoy it to some extent. RIGHT?

  2. I'm looking at a site that may be some help.as I wade throught the site more I'll let you know or I'll be posting about it.

  3. AnonymousMay 05, 2009

    I read this when you first posted it-- then I read it again and now again. I don't know what to say-- I'm sorry you are in such pain. I wish you could be through with it. If you are getting to the heart of the matter so you can heal-- then I'm happy for you because it is pain worth enduring.

  4. you r getting close dear. keep going....all will be revealed.

  5. I have nothing much to say except to pray for your speedily recovery. Focus on Him and let Him to lead you to endure and overcome all these once and for all. I pray In Jesus' wonderful name. Amen.

  6. Hi again

    I'm out of credit so can't post or comment much.

    Just wanted you to know what an encouragement you are to me. You are always so warm and sympathetic.

    Thank you too for recommending the Recovery Bible - I've ordered it and should have it in a couple of weeks.

    Praying for you hard - for peace, love and strength.

    God Bless


  7. I can't totally relate, but I know you're experiencing emotional pain. I pray that you release your pain to God as a whole. He is the way.

  8. stuck-in-the-middleMay 06, 2009

    You keep hanging in there JBR. You can do it!

  9. I am sorry for the pain, feeling trapped in ones body and mind. It is hard, somtimes it seems it will never go away. Keep you in my thoughts. Paula xx

  10. You said it loudly - there is NO right way to heal - as long as you ARE healing, and working, and "letting it happen" with someone who can be trusted, then you are doing great! I am so proud of you!!

  11. Try to remember that nothing worthwhile is painless. The paralysis will get better and with God by your side, you can and will overcome all of this pain.

    Lots and lots and lots of "hugs".

  12. It's important to put trust in people to help you through, but never forget you still know your own mind the best, dont ever doubt your own intuition.

    {{HUGS}} Hann x

  13. Can totally relate to everything you shared in this post. Hang in there!

  14. It's a long, long road. You are so very courageous and I admire you and your strength...and in particular, your faith.
    Keep on, keepin on, JBR...
    ~ Grace

  15. Just Be Real, there is no 'right' or 'wrong' way to heal. Healing is different for each of us. Healing can be extremely painful but the results are so worth it. Whenever I am in doubt, I listen to my heart. My heart has never steered me in the wrong direction as long as my mind was open to listen to what my heart was saying.

    Bless you, my friend--


  16. Hi again :)

    You know what there can not be one set way because everybody is different. Certain therapies and healing methods my help some people but not others. Do not feel you are not doing it right, as long as you get to where you need to be in the end. When it feel's over whelming step back and go to happy spot in your, imagine your paradise where your are safe and loved and have a mini vacation. I think of you often and can not wait until a lot of this has lifted from you heart.

  17. Patience....

    That was a very hard thing for me to learn..I'm patient with those around and always have been but never allowed myself the same care and respect..until just recently.

    It will come..it will all fall into place, and the fog WILL lift. Trust in that and patience will follow...

  18. I appreciate everyone, thank you!

  19. 5 years ago I started having PTSD Episodes one after another, they were crushing. I felt like I was back in those same situations being beat an inch of my life. Scared, hurting...I lived through each one and still have a long ways to go. But I can say without a doubt whatever you're going through...it does get better. You come out the other side stronger. I'm living proof of that. (Hugs)Indigo

  20. Indigo, thank you for sharing your painful trauma. I am sure it has not been easy for you. Thank you for your encouragement dear one!! Blessings!