Been on edge most of the day. More than normal, I suppose. I can usually contribute it to having to go to group. Many a time I fight with myself in getting myself there now. I know the majority of the battle is the enemy. (My Bible gets a lot a use on Thursdays in anticipation of the spiritual warfare!) The devil knows I am making progress so he throws all these obstacles of ‘negative thoughts’ into my head as to why I should not go and what can I possibly benefit from going and I should not open up anymore, yada yada. Recently afterwards I feel very low in spirit. Depressed more than normal. Almost complacent.
Is this normal to feel this way?
Could it be somehow I am connecting with things I am hearing or learning, even though sometimes it is really difficult for me to keep focus in group?
We remain on the topic of anger in group.
I still have major issues with anger, and this week has not been any different with me going berserk at the slightest thing that could set me off. Right now I am creating a very nice pattern on one of my walls with scuff and dent marks by throwing objects during my outbursts. I guess I can be proud and say that I have made some progress. I have caught myself a few times this week being able to difuse some of the anger before I totally lost it. It ain't easy!!!! I can feel myself ready to explode and to try and difuse that is all totally new to me. I run to my what I call now, "My Screaming Pillow."
I think I am just worn out.....