"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Sunday, July 12, 2009


Proud to declare another step toward my “independence.”

Some may see little significance in what I am talking about, but to me it is a big step.

Yesterday, I went out and got my own cell phone, in my own name, in my own color of choice and the plan that I wanted with my own money. You probably figure, “big deal.” Well it is. Because, I already have a cell phone, under another plan which was not of my doing. That plan is controlled by my mother who 'always' chooses to put me on the “family plan” to get a better deal, where I have no control (key word “control”) of what type of phone I want, over paying the phone bills, seeing the phone bills, her having access to seeing whom I called/received a call from, etc. Unbeknownst to her (eventually I will get the nerve up to confess), she has no clue I have my own cell phone now.

Since I am fighting for my freedom and connecting more to me as “me,” I just got plain sick and tired of not having a say in “a matter” that I declared....

“I wanted my own identity.”

May be a small step for now, but it sure feels good to have done this!


  1. Yeah, something that I wish I can do too, get independent some day. Now stuck at home since I'm still jobless. It wasn't too bad during college since my mom can't come barging into my dorm as she wish, but since I'm living at home while waiting for job call, I have only 50% privacy...

    Because they own it, they have the right to butt in. It's a fact that can't be rebutted, regardless of talk on respecting one's privacy. Then there is the "It's because we worry about you" excuse.

    I wonder if I'll be the same with my own kids...

  2. That was a great thing to do, JBR! You're making positive steps towards claiming your own identity.

  3. As someone who is most likely older than your mother...don't tell her about your phone. Inform her. Just so she can drop the old phone and save some money. Other than that...*shrug* ain't nobody's business but your own.

    And HoneyBee...You can go ahead and call bullshit on that "It's because we worry about you" thing...it's because they want to know every little detail because it may make them feel better, it has nothing to do with you, it's all about their need.

    I personally have 3 kids approaching 30 and I looked forward to the day I could get my nose out of their business...they may not be around as much as I'd like but they have a life, aren't in jail and, pay their taxes and personally that is all I can think of to commend my wife's parenting skills.

  4. Go, you! The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. I think it's great.

  5. baby steps are steps too. and they have the ability to make one feel great!

  6. Good for you! On the parent end, letting go is a process. When you send a strong message of independence, most parents get it and are happy to move on. When you send smoke signals of distress, it's only faith in God that allows a parent to step back and stop fixing things and meddling and hovering. My daughters set boundaries, or I'd still probably be all over them. Now, I stack their unopened bills and thank God that they are awesome women.

  7. The first step in not only finding independence, but for also finding you!

  8. Bravo girl, cheers!..Roan.

  9. I'm glad. Those profound moments of clarity are amazing.

  10. Hey all.

    Thanks for your support. Even though this and many other things that will happen in the future when I break away even more, should of happened years and years ago. I am glad I am finally able to have some courage and realization that what I have been experiencing all these years, has been really sick.

  11. Would like to extend a "hello" to Honeybee, The Walking Man, Dark Wings, and Fireblossom. All new followers here.

  12. JBR! OMG!! I am so proud for you! ! !

    Yes, it is a big deal, huge! Everyone (my entire family) likes that kind of control. I've often told my T that, though it sounds small, it feels really big.

    I can't wait to hear that you have told her to take her phone and... well, that you've informed her of the changes. That will be when you really feel your accomplishment because you won't be hiding anything and you won't be deceiving her.

    Kudos and hugs!

  13. "I can't wait to hear that you have told her to take her phone and... well, that you've informed her of the changes. That will be when you really feel your accomplishment because you won't be hiding anything and you won't be deceiving her."

    I Is Still a chicken Ivory!!!!!!!!!!!!

    This will probably be some time down the line, unless she finds out some other way and then the *&^% will really hit the fan.

  14. I just posted above, it sounds as if I mean literally that you are deceiving your mother. I meant that she will see it that way when she hears the good news.


  15. Congradulations!! I get it!! I am proud of you for taking this step of freedom!!
    Blessings and prayers, andrea

  16. Ivory, I did not even look at the deceiving part.

    I am more angry,pissed beyond belief that I cannot be up front with her now, out of fear, and have to carry two phones, and yada yada.

    I hate feeling like a little kid who is scared to death to tell mummie what she did out of retrobution. Still, like all little kids who want something really bad and are deprived of it, will go behind mummie's back to do it!!!!

  17. Congrats a big step towards yourself. Please dont be pised or angry that u arent telling ur mother straight away. Spoils ur own achievement. However for myself I would take action and inform her wihtin a few days before it hits the fan. So well done. Hugs aplenty

  18. Thanks Paula and all. It will be a while on this one in telling.....

  19. Hi JBR,

    I spent yesterday and this morning going back through most of your past posts, and I just want to say...

    KUDOS TO YOU!! Each step no matter how few or small are still HUGE steps toward your independence.

  20. "T" thank you for your visit and even taking the time to look at my blog and its content. I appreciate your encouragement. Thanks.

    Andrea, Shen, AD and all the rest, appreciate so much your encouragement, thank you!

  21. AnonymousJuly 12, 2009

    It "is" a really BIG deal! I am so happy for you. Thanks for your prayers this morning. :)

  22. Every step is needed to reach the point of independence. No matter what, she will have to accept that your life is not her's to control. However, when you take initiative like this, it makes it all the more important. I'm really happy for you JBR!!! *hugs*

  23. Plenty of advice from people who know better than me. Just here to say hello and God bless you! :)

  24. AnonymousJuly 12, 2009

    Every step you take JBR towards your freedom is significant. I admire your courage.

  25. CONGRADULATIONS...I definately get it!!


  26. Andrea, Finally Free, JBR, Jamey, Issue Knitter and Heartfelt Heartlook thanks for standing behind me and the overwhelming encouragement from all of you!!

  27. Great progress for you JBR. Ask the Lord to help you along with approaching how you should go about telling your mother. PTL.

  28. I can tell that this is a big step for you. As a one time "uber" controller,I'll say you have done the right thing in setting these boundaries for yourself. And I totally understand being afraid to tell her.I still feel this way with my mother.

  29. Lou, thank you for your honesty and support and Ron, appreciate your encouragement.

    Definitly I will be in prayer about this situation, as there will be many more to follow.....ugh..... :)

  30. AnonymousJuly 12, 2009

    Good for you. How liberating to be gaining control of your life.

    Saw this and thought you might like it:

    Also wondered if I might have your address to send you something?

  31. Great news and I am sure this is just the first of many steps you will continue to take.

    Congratulations and I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers today!

    Love and Hugs ~ Kat

  32. H2H, yes 'big' firsts of many to come, thank you.

    YaYa, appreciate the link, thanks.

  33. Way to go. No, I don't think this is a little thing. I think it is a big thing and I'm so proud of you for declaring this piece of independence. You're a grown woman and who you communicate with should be your business and private to you, if you wish.


  34. AnonymousJuly 12, 2009

    Way to go! It's like you've taken back part of your life. Never to late.

  35. Way to go! Keep up the great (but oh so hard) work!

    Thanks for following me!

    I have updated my blog name so you will need to reset your links.



    Donna from Zookeeping 101

  36. A small choice is a loud yell: "Freedooommm!" Great!

  37. Donna, appreciate your visit again and your new link.

    A nice ring to it huh Sylvia, "FREEDOM!"

    PG and Anon yes, reclaiming just a tad back!

  38. Hurray! I am so happy for you. I do agree with you, be yourself, identity and set yourself entirely free from worry, doubt etc..

    Stay happy and no matter what have happened to you because it is your choice. A wise choice.

    Thanks and happy day to you,

  39. Great blog. If you would mind please visit
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  40. Colleen and James, thanks for your comments and support.

    Thumbuddy, appreciate your visit. Checked out your video. What a great idea. All the best with your product to spread the Gospel. Thanks for sharing!

  41. That’s like an invasion of privacy. Good that you have your own cell now. Good move!

  42. Hey JBR, I don't think you ought to tell your mother a THING about your own new phone. She'll figure it out. I would not even consider it any longer. You have a phone, it's yours, etc., forget it, go about living.

    Actally, since I've "been there" I know where you're coming from, and respect and admire your courage, and willingness to change. You GO, girl!

  43. This makes me Smile. Big!!!

  44. There is no such thing as a "small step"...each one takes courage!

  45. AnonymousJuly 12, 2009

    You're right, it is a big deal. Good for you.

  46. Goor for your for taking this first step to claiming your own idenity. And remember.... Every step, no matter how big or small, counts!

  47. AFter reading your bio and some of your posts your story has touched my heart. Brought back some memories that I've never dealt with. memories that I turned a blind eye to. Memories I thought would go away and I could get on with life.
    Well after many years and many reminders through out my life those memories still remain of pain and abuse. It's comforting to know I'm not the only one. I've seeked counseling in the past but maybe should again. Thanks for pointing out that I can't do this alone.


  48. You are doing good. I think I have to read more about you :).

    I like your compilations of songs up there. Thanks for sharing.

    Thanks too for dropping by. Hope you enjoy my pages.

  49. JBR-once we give away our identity, it's a long confused road back to full independence but well worth it, I think. Grab the reigns! ~rick

  50. Thanks to all who recently responded.

    Stevie, it will not be anytime soon that I tell her, if I do. ;)

    Reginia, glad you enjoyed the songs on the playlist.

    Jess, I am sorry this post stirred something in you, but then again, this could be very beneficial. If need be, (I do not know if your are a believer but if you are) please seek out a good Christian counselor 'again.' There is nothing to feel ashamed about to talk your problems out to a professional. Thank you for being honest!

  51. stuck-in-the-middleJuly 13, 2009

    JBR! What a positive message! Clap Clap!

  52. I soooo get it. Good for you!

    Mothers! How can something God created to be so nurturing cause so much heartache? They should be required to take the doctor's oath..."First, do no harm."

  53. Congratulations on a big step to independence!

  54. Stuck and Christina thank you for the congrats!

    W&W, like that!