That is how I feel at times. Crying is hard for me to come by at times, although I have been able to shed some good tears when alone and when in emotional agony. But, many times I actually feel there is a torrential rain of tears going on just behind the tears that I shed that needs to come out as well.
In time I am sure.....
23 Real Comments:
Maybe you're already realizing that when that day comes, it's going to be a good day.
JBR hopefully in time you'll have a tremendous release of your tears of pain. Hang in there!
This day is an anniversary for me to block the tears of a dream gone awry. Every year for nearly two decades, I relive the weekend by the moment with total recall, and set my life backwards a month. Tucked away tears are common and fertile ground in both of our souls apparently.
(there goes a teardrop now,...thinking bout it)
But I have read of scientists trying to create life. It takes certain conditions and there is only one source to date, that holds all the requirements to create life.
You need water, salt, correct temperature, and protein (in the form of albumin as I recall).
The only place scientists can find all of the ingredients in one location....is the teardrop!
Hearts have a language of their own. They speak only in times of great joy, and times of great grief. And the language of the heart is a teardrop.
The Bible tells me there is a season for everything under the heavens; a time to weep is but one.
When Moses saw a burning bush that was not consumed by the flames, his curiosity was intrigued to go inspect closer. In doing so, he met God in the fire, and God said: "Moses, take off your sandals for this is Holy Ground".
To provoke a heart to cry out it's language of tears, it takes grief or joy as huge, as deep, and intriguing as that Burning Bush. It takes the presense of God within us.
And when the teardrop wells, holds, then slowly falls down a cheek, hesitates a moment, and leaps from the face in a crescendo of that grief or joy, it splatters the ground wherever you are.
That ground is nothing but sacred at that point. "Take off your sandals; you are on Holy Ground as surely as Moses was by the Bush", echoes inside me.
The teardrop dries eventually.
No two snowflakes are built alike.
No two fingerprints are identical.
And I am convinced that no two teardrops, splatter the same print as they dry. They are unique to the joy, or grief, of the one who produced the tear.
They can lay on the ground a day or forever, but God can find each teardrop ever released by a heart crying out in joy or grief proclaiming:
"Here I am; FIND me!".
.....and He does.
The Book of Revelations tells me He will wipe away every tear. I believe that.
But first, He has to find them. And He does, for each drop is unique, and awaiting the Holy One to find them on sacred ground.....the very ground that was made sacred in the Baptism of your tears, and mine.
Prayers appreciated this day, and maybe a couple more days too.
In Psalms 56 God keeps an account of all our tears. Comforting.
God knows your rain inside. He sees behind those tears. He's aware of what needs to be released and he'll be there when it does happen.
Psalm 56:8 “Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book?”
God Bless.
They will be good days when you can cry "outwards" these tears can be wiped away in love by yourself or someone else. The inside tears cant. You are such a bliss. Love to you
Kiddo...the rain and the sunshine comes when it comes. When the torrent is ready to break loose it will and after that the rainbow comes.
Thank you all very much for your kind words, encouragement and uplifting scriptures!! Very timely and appreciated!!
I'm the same way. I'm afraid that if I were to let myself cry, I'd never stop crying. I never cry in front of other people. I was taught that crying, especially in front of others, was a sign of weakness.
crying is soooo healing. once i couldn't cry, now i no longer hesitate to...
Yes, I understand this. As if there is an ocean behind the stream.
I have a hard time crying too.
(((JBR))) I can relate to the crying. It was a couple of years before any tears were shed in front of DT (and only the 5 year old cries in front of her - and there is no way any eye contact is made if there are tears). I don't cry in front of anyone else. Ever!
it was so ingrained in my head that crying is being weak (even though as Shadow says above, its really healing...) and I also learned that crying could make things worse and/or it didn't do any good to cry...
(((HUGS)))
~ Grace
Oh I know about the torrential downpour. It feels like a dam that is about to burst. The little release helps, but is not going to prevent the bursting. I feel like every time I let a little out, I'm getting closer and closer to that point so I find myself holding back everything! I can hardly ever cry alone, unless induced by music or a movie or unless I am very very upset. Most of the time I cry in the company of one person. I guess I can feel safe with small numbers!
I feel that same fear JBR. I can physically feel them badgering me at all times....wanting to release themselves and come out. I believe I fight my tears more than I fight stating my feelings at times. I pray you have an enlightening week-end and that you will allow yourself a chance to smile..........maybe even chuckle a bit. HUGS MY DEAR FRIEND!!!!
Asking God to love on you extra sweetly today my friend.
JBR- you know, I'm not sure what tears are good anymore and which are selfish ones of self pity. I cry at things that surprise me and don't dry when it seems I should. a curious matter, indeed. Take care~rick
Praying for your tears to be released and the light of God's love to shine in your life.
For years I didn't find it hard to cry, but I was afraid to let anyone see me cry. I didn't want to be that vulnerable.
When our sons were using drugs, when the memory of my grandfather's molesting me surfaced... through some of life's ups and downs, I grew brave enough to cry in front of my husband. What an incredible blessing it has been to be that real with him and to see him blossom from my trusting him with my deepest emotions.
I pray you will also find that freedom as God brings you through the journey of your healing.
Hugs,
Cheri
I appreciate ALL of your responses and sharing of your hurts and triumphs! Your comments have been encouraging! Blessings!
On "Abba's Way" I wrote a poem. My friend, Diane committed suicide a few years ago. She never managed to escape her past. She was in 13 foster homes as a child and abused in 7 of them. Before she died she showed me a picture of herself as a child. I cried that so many people[including her father] could harm this beautiful child. She was a tiny little thing, never grew past four and a half feet. I just wish she had continued to fight.
"...many times I actually feel there is a torrential rain of tears going on just behind the tears that I shed..."
Kinda like when you breath, and it is barely sufficient, you just wish it could have been a bit deeper, more air...at least that's me.
I think crying is a cleasing of the soul and it is alright to cry even though we are taught not to show our emotions especially in public, why I do not know why. Hope you feel better dear friend.
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