This is a good exercise.
For me, the child is a real thing, although not in the physical sense. I am beginning to feel what my inner-child feels. Although, it is still hard at this point to talk to her, or even console her. But, I do see growth in this area. I am not where I used to be!
On occasion I can remember or picture her inside me. Actually, see what she was doing back then. She had some really, really, really good times. Such a free spirit and fun kid! A prankster. Then she had some really, really, really bad times, which are hard to comprehend and the sting of pain and numbness shoots through her. Even now as she shares in this post.
“This is a chance to talk to the child within. If you’re capable of loving and comforting the child within, express the compassion that you feel toward her. You can do this by writing a letter directly to her. Or you can engage in a written dialogue, first writing as the adult and then as the child responding. You may find it helpful to place a childhood photo of yourself in front of you as you write.
If you don’t yet feel any connection, allegiance, or tenderness toward the child yet, start with how you honestly feel. You can’t write, “I love you, I’ll take care of you,” if that’s a lie. Start with: “I’m willing to sit down and write to you even though I’m not sure you exist” or “I don’t know how to love you.” Any point of contact is a start. You can’t have a loving relationship until you take the first step.
Another way to get in touch with your inner child is to write a dialogue using your dominant hand (your right hand if you’re right handed; your left if you’re left-handed) for your adult self and your other hand for the child’s responses. Writing with the non-dominant hand is slow and childlike and can help evoke the feelings and voice of the child.
With your dominant hand in your own adult voice, ask the child a question, such as “What do you need right now?” or “How can I take care of you?” Or “Can you tell me a little about yourself?” Then, switching your pen (or crayon or marker) to the other hand, respond in the voice of the child. When it feels like the child has had her say, switch back to the other hand and respond as your adult self. Go back and forth, changing hands, until you feel finished. This can be an effective way to open up a dialogue with your inner child.
If you feel totally alienated from the child within, imagine another child the age you were during your abuse. Try writing to her instead.
This is a good exercise to do more than once, particularly if you’re not starting from a place of compassion. Eventually you’ll be able to tell the child that she’s not to blame, that she’s innocent, and that you’ll protect her.” (The Courage to Heal)
If you plan on doing this exercise, use caution in trying to bring things to the surface especially if you are not ready yet. Maybe you need to be with someone when you decide to do this exercise, i.e. counselor, spouse, friend. For support. Just a thought.
Wow. What an exercise. I also had painful things happen as a child. Am wondering if this inner-child thing would help bring the pain to the surface, where it can be released.
ReplyDeleteDo you know the song that goes, "How could anyone ever tell you, you were anything less than beautiful..." Listen to that and it will bring up whatever is there.
ReplyDeleteSounds like a very good exercise.
ReplyDeleteGreat point Just Playin'. In fact I do have that song on my Playlist, entitled "How Could Anyone." Scroll down a bit and it is there.
ReplyDeleteTake caution in trying to bring things to the surface especially if you are not ready yet. Maybe you need to be with someone when you decide to do this exercise, i.e. counselor, spouse, friend. For support. Just a thought.
I'm getting in touch with my inner child too. I'm able to do this much easier than when I first started. I'm learning to listen to my being inside... and abide by its wishes. It feels GOOD.
ReplyDeleteI read this book awhiel back. There's a lot of good exercises within those pages. Thanks for putting this one up.
ReplyDeletejust thinking about this made me cry. It sounds like something I will need support to do.
ReplyDeleteVery powerful.
ReplyDeleteFor me, what helped was to go out and look at dolls until I found one that reminded me of the sweet, innocent child I used to be. I could imagine holding and loving that doll and did, talking to it as if it was me--the child I'd been. Later, I imagined a safe place in my mind and pictured holding and rocking the child I was as she sobbed to me what had happened to her. My adult self could then help her understand that the shame and guilt were not hers but belonged to the abusers.
ReplyDeleteLearning to love that child inside is one of the most healing things we can do.
Just call me Peter Pan, I've never lost the child within. That's why I probably adore working with children. I am retired Special Ed, teach Sunday school and am the Kids church leader. I have eight grandchildren. There's just no reason to have ever lost my inner child, this chick just has wayyyy too much fun!!!
ReplyDeleteHave a wonderful weekend chalked full of blessings from above!!!
This is definitely a great way to examine and research the inner child in order to understand why we are a certain way. Thanks for sharing. Have a bless weekend.
ReplyDeleteThat is really something the two-hand dialogue. It is a heck of a way to make a point.
ReplyDeleteThat is one area I haven't been able to approach yet. I've been encouraged to get in touch with my inner child, but have a lot of mixed feelings on the issue.
ReplyDeleteThank you for this post. It has some very helpful ideas.
I went through a phase during this segment of healing where I got very whiny and babyish. I needed that.
ReplyDelete