"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Wednesday, January 27, 2010


I feel like I am going through major withdrawals. In a way would probably welcome what the drug/alcohol withdrawals feel like physically over the emotional withdrawal I am experiencing of breaking away from such a deep rooted emotional bondage of attachment!! The physical withdrawals of the addict may last a few days where the emotional withdrawal seems to go on and on. Not minimizing at all what an addict has to go through, but you know down the line in a few days they feel a whole hell a lot better physically. It is just hell for me for awhile now as my journey intensifies.

Must admit I knew there would be pain involved in my healing, but, I had no idea the extent of how emotionally painful and taxing on my body my journey would take me.

I am really just plain tired all around!!!!!

That being said..... if I did not know what I would be facing on my way to freedom, I would of quit a long time ago! I said right from the beginning when I first walked into my t. office, “With God's leading and main help, I am in this for the long run. I will not BS you and waste my time, your time and my money. I will be up-front and be as honest as best as I know how to be. I want to be set free!!”


  1. Praying God gives you sweet rest.

  2. Oh, my sweet friend~

    What a long road to recovery it is, but God is with you EVERY STEP OF THE WAY! He hears your cries and He will comfort you.

    I have prayed for your release from bondage, but as we all know, that will be in God's timing. I can't tell you how much of a blessing you are to so many, my friend! Your honesty and your willingness to go deep inside yourself and reveal to us your innermost feelings have helped me to deal with some issues in my own life, and I'm sure there are others you have helped along your journey as well.

    I pray for your complete healing and for peace beyond all understanding for you, sweet JBR!


  3. Any kind of withdrawal isn't pleasant. Whether emotional, physical, spiritual. All takes time. All have in common a bond of pain. All deal differently. Praying your withdrawls will be quick. God Bless.

  4. Trust God as you move forward, you are still living your life of the past JBR...write a new story of the future, it can be awesome...Hugs

  5. Hi dear, I am feeling your pain. It gets to me too, judt fighting ourselves. But could you pop over to CoolDeep's blog to read a post, which I thought might be appropriate in this instance. Its about change and suffering. Go take a look.
    Bless you dear.

  6. very few people have the guts to be that way. Therapists will tell you. People attend these sessions God knows why because they do nothing but lie to themselves and to the therapist, what healing can be found in that? Facing the truth is difficult, painful - absolutly. But, if you didn't the pain would never end. You know with facing your trails will bring you to healing

  7. I've often thought, "if I only knew, I wouldn't have (fill in the blank). Maybe it's by God's grace we didn't, or we wouldn't. Blessings.

  8. hugs dear child. and prayers of rest for every part of you.


  9. Sending cyber hugs and prayers,

  10. It takes the strength of God to continuously face things so painful. Anyone can do it once or twice, but only God can give you the strength to keep walking into the fire. You are strong. You will be free.

  11. Yoru honesty says it all. You knew what layed ahead of you and you still was willing to move on. Says a lot! Your real.

  12. stuck-in-the-middleJanuary 28, 2010

    Hang in there JBR! Your wonderful and brave!

  13. Withdrawal gives pain and space for new things. Hugs to you

  14. Strength and courage shall always be yours.

    God be with you.

    Hugs and more hugs,

  15. pain is draining. leaves you exhausted. so you are obviously doing something right. and that means the raod is getting shorter and shorter before the relief will set in... hang in there hunny!

  16. I have come to believe that freedom is not something we do -- it is something we are and has to be nurtured for a lifetime. You have a bumpy road right now, but I believe it will level out. My best to you.

  17. BE positive , thinking of you and sending the biggest (((hug)))love to ya.

  18. That's the thing let God take your hand and lead the way. Keep up the spirit.
    A warm hug to you.

    I tagged you in my latest tag post.


  19. Many times I left my therapist's office feeling groggy with stirred-up pain, but let me encourage you: It does not go on forever. For everything there is a season, a time to mourn and a time to dance!

  20. Sweetie you're a woman of great strength. Someone to be admired. Glad I know you.

  21. And freedom is the reason why He died for us. May He strengthen you each day! God bless.

  22. I once had a friend who rode bikes with me. While we were riding one day, she fell and really scraped up her knee. She made me promise not to tell her mother where we'd been (she wasn't allowed to go off of her street but hadn't told me).
    A few days later, I was visiting her and heard her mom ask why she was limping. She finally showed her mother her knee. The wound was scabbed over, but it was very red, swollen and hot around it.
    Her mom took her into the bathroom and I heard screaming and wailing like I've never heard before. When my friend came out (with a fresh bandage on her knee), her mother told me that she had to take a brush and 'scrub' off the thick scab that had formed so that she could 'get down' to the infection and properly cleanse it and disinfect it so that it would heal. I couldn't believe a mother was so mean!!! But the infection and the wound healed cleanly and quickly after that.
    Spiritually, sometimes our wounds are so very deep that they've become 'scabbed-over' and even calloused. But the infection lies still deep inside. If not dealt with, that infection can enter our 'life's blood' and travel throughout our life, infecting our thoughts, our expectations, our perception, our words, our actions - EVERYTHING.
    So God, being the loving God He is - often has scrape through the dead layers, scrub off the surface and dig deeply within us to get to what truly infects us spiritually and emotionally. It seems painful at the time that He has to 'hurt' us. But He is truly getting to the 'root' of the infection so that He can 'help' and 'heal' us.
    Hope that makes sense enough for you to know that God IS in the situation and healing is just around the corner??
    Hugs and love and prayers!

  23. Here with you JBR. Sorry that the pain your feeling and living is 'so very real' to you. Praying for you.

  24. It hurts to get over these emotional hurdles, I know. But God gets in the middle of it, and does His stuff, and it will be glorious when it's all said and done!

  25. May today bring you peace and joy!
    That is my hope for you, JBR!


  26. Most of us have no clue the pain that we will go through when we start our healing journey. If we did, we probably wouldn't have started. It is a blessing that we don't know. The rewards of the journey through the pain are so worth it.

    I still occasionally find pockets of pain that I haven't dealt with yet. For the most part, I like/love who I am today and where I am in my life. When I started my journey, I didn't like myself. I hated who I was and where I had come from. I hated that I couldn't stop the hurting by simply disconnecting from it. Denial didn't work except to keep me struck in the pain.

    You are brave and have the strength to get through today and that is all you have to do, get through life one day at a time. Today is all there is. Tomorrow will take care of itself. ((((HUGS))))

  27. Baby steps, and God will be there with you carrying you through. You and God will do this together. Meanwhile know I am bombarding heaven with prayer for you sweet one, that your pain will be eased, your mind will relax and your soul will feel true peace that can only come from above. Trust in him.

    God bless you with sweet rest!!!

  28. Rooting for ya sis! The battle can be tough. But you're tougher along with God. Hold on to hi s promises.

  29. Healing is very painful. When I dealt with my biggest issue in therapy, my abusive relationship that I am no longer in, that ended in rape. My therapist told me that at first it would be like opening the wound and letting the puss out. She said it would hurt worse while the puss was coming out. Not literally puss coming out, but all my emotions. I did this for about six months with her and my journal. Then, just as she promised it turned into a scare that I would look at and and cringe a little bit, but it wouldn't be as bad as the sore that had puss that needed to come out. I will pray for you. Your right, emotional pain is worse than substance addication. However, the thing you have to remember is a lot of addicts have emtoinal issues that they are hidding with their addiction. So for most people getting of drug or alchol, they have the emtional pain to deal with after the substance abuse issue. I thank God every day that I never abused anything (having a mental illness that would be a co - occuring disorder!) because it would have been ten times harder to deal with because it was burried!

  30. Janet WhitewaterJanuary 29, 2010

    Holding on is probably one of the most difficult things to do. Your determination to carry on is a testiment to your willingness to succeed to your goal! It will get easier once you get over the big hurdles.

  31. Hang on! you'll be fine.
    always here.


  32. JBR:
    Like you told your t.. you want to be set free, and that process is in high gear. Keep taking those little steps,,, they add up and you've already come a long way! Besides..."Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ." (Phil.1:6 KJV)



  33. Very soorry that you hurting. Get better. John

  34. hold on...from a recovering addict....withdrawal is painful....you feel like you're dying..Stay strong. He will never let you down. ever. In your corner. Sarah