"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Friday, February 05, 2010


When I entered t. over a year ago, I was serious!

I have been to two other t. before. The first time was a man. Someone suggested I see a t because they thought I needed to. I did not. I did not see anything wrong with me. But, I just said, "okay."

Walked into his office one day. He asked me how can I help you? I said, "I did not know, someone told me I needed to see someone." His questions scared me. He took concern in me. I was not used to someone actually wanting to know how I was doing. After the first visit, I bolted! I was not ready! I was scared! I never returned!

Six years later I was dealing with my roommate at the time who had major issues herself. I did not recognize at the time her severe disorder. I just ended up living with them being traumatized myself daily for close to two years. She tried to gain "mind-control" over me. Put words into my mouth. Accuse me of things I did not do! She used me, manipulated me, etc. I did not know how to react. I recoiled, which she hated even more about me! I did not know what to expect each day. Some times I even felt my life was in danger. She could become violent. She turned on me. Many false accusation about me spread among her friends and then they disliked me as well. She eventually moved out because "she could not stand me!"

So, with that painful era of living in a mini-cult, being rejected, subjected and so much more entered my second t. Again, I was hesitant, not too sure if I needed help! She saw me close to one year and we only dealt with this one issue and she also encouraged me to get my BA in Psychology as she saw I had potential. Which I did. Something I never thought I would complete.

Now, fast forward 14 years to the present. I sought help on my own this time. Because my life had been going down hill over the years. My "Joy in the Lord" had all but disappeared. And at the same time I knew I had to face my issues of being sexually abused. I never discussed it or disclosed being molested by my older brother with anyone before. In the weeks that followed, a lot of other issues surfaced that only God knew needed to be revealed and worked on as well.

Originally I was going to share about my t. session from yesterday, but at this time did not feel led to. Then I thought this post was to be about, how serious are you about wanting to change in your life?

I can only say what I typed is of the Holy Spirit. He took this post in another direction. My initial intention was to be examining our priorities to see what needs to be change. But, that seemed shallow.

This post may not pertain to many of you. You may not be presently in counseling or ever gone. But, I felt led to type what I did and share it. For what it is worth.


  1. you're so right. no use going to a therapist if you are not ready. nothing to be gained. if you need it, circumstances will propel you there. that's a given. things happen. your soul gets restless and 'forces' you to confront those hidden corners in your heart.

  2. Therapy can come from any source. Be open minded, that's how I feel.


  3. As long as the main benefit of counseling is that it helps you to have a life which you can more fully enjoy and appreciate then go for it. It can help you to become the sort of person you want to be. It can also help you to more deeply enjoy your important relationships.

  4. stuck-in-the-middleFebruary 05, 2010

    JBR, praying for you. Hang in there.

  5. I have gone through counseling myself and my journey is something that i have not really shared with alot of people. I have really focused on it being between the LORD and I. I may share some broad things but the itimate things I don't really share even with some of my closest friends. On to this.. GOD has used and will godly counsel and I pray that this is what you are receiving.
    GOD bless you.

  6. And for what it is worth, a lot! God Bless.

  7. There is such a stigma about seeing a darned therapist, but if we're sick we go to the doctor, right?! Thank you for sharing your story, it helps break the stigma. Therapy is for the very brave.

  8. What you share is worth a lot, never doubt that!
    I am sure all you share helps many people!

    God's blessings to you, JBR!


  9. Sweetie, what a telling post. You're special and brave. Pleasure to know you.

  10. You have to be ready on the inside sweety. And you can receive therapy in many, many ways. I haven't had the opportunity to see my therapist since June because of lack of insurance, but I use my blog to let my feelings out as you do, I read and study the WORD, other great books. You have to do what is right for you at this moment in your healing process. And you are doing great!!! Hugs my friend!

  11. Hi-

    Therapy only works as well as the client is ready to engage. And of course, a trusted therapist is mandatory. After my betrayal the hands of Roman Catholic Clergy and I found a good honest therapist with appropriate boundaries I was able to do the work needed to be whole.

    Be well
    Love Gail

  12. took five before i found a great match...with all five being strung over the past 12 years. What a blessing she is to me. Thank you for the encouragement to continue what I am doing! Of course, I was going to, but always nice to get that surprised extra support! ha. ang

  13. Everything you share is awesome, you help many my friend.

  14. Foudn you via Google. Did a search on therapist. Your page came up. Good stuff here. Thanks.

  15. Sometimes God writes 'to' us and sometimes God writes 'through' us.

  16. Good evening, sweet JBR~

    I went to see a counselor at my friend's suggestion at a dark period in my life. I didn't think I needed to go, but after I did, I was wondering why I hadn't gone sooner. I had issues of sexual abuse by my brother and a neighbor that I had never really addressed. It did my heart, soul, and mind good to go. She is a wonderful, spirit filled woman and I am so blessed to have found her!

    Keep wading through the waters, my friend....the shore is in sight!


  17. "When the student is ready, the teacher arrives."
    And that may happen in many forms. Hugs to you

  18. It's interesting how God steers our writing to the direction He wants it to go to...and you let that happen! Thanks for that. I'm grateful you have found a "good therapist." I've been going for the past 20 years on and off. FINALLY found a wonderful woman ( i tend to steer away from men therapist...i wonder why lol) and she stopped practicing. Since moving from Atlanta to MN. I am seeing a very loving compassionate therapists. I don't let it stop there. I love reading anything that is helpful with the path I've traveled. I'm happy that you are a brave woman who wants to get to the bottom of those things in your life and God is your main therapist and healer, and He provides those out there in flesh to help us along our way. Janie