ARE YOU A GOOD LISTENER?

Listening takes skill. I mean to really listen to someone.

I was one that never talked over anyone while they were speaking, but was I listening?

Many times I was thinking ahead for an answer in order to if they would ask my opinion I would not come off sounding stupid or ridiculous. I felt I HAD to have an answer. I HAD to fix their problem.

BUT...... when I went ahead and tried to figure out an answer in my mind to their question while they were telling me their heart wrenching story, I found myself not paying full attention to what was being said. Thus, my reply was at times off the wall and I missed the mark. So it did not matter in the least.

I felt my father did not listen to me. Also my mother. But my dad in particular was not a good listener. He had not the patience. Many times no eye contact. Probably why I rush through my conversations at time. I feel on my end people get tired of what I have to say or am saying. So I make it quick. Trying to improve on my self worth in this area, that I do in fact have something to say and is worth listening to.

I was ridiculed in school and laughed at because I was considered the dumb one. So, I really felt I did not have an opinion.

Yes, I have so improved in this area over the years. When someone begins to talk, I shut up. I do not talk over them ready with a reply or talk over them to give "what happened to me also" story and not let them finish. I wait now. Sometimes I am anxious to give a reply. But, try and wait. I concentrate now in exactly what they are saying, feeling and displaying in their actions.

I do not look ahead to see how "I appear." I do not look ahead to see if, "my answer will be correct." Although I have to fight the fear of coming off not paying attention or missing the mark still. It is hard for me. And if I am incorrect with a reply, I continue to learn that it is okay and not take what I think is failure to help someone is in fact okay. Not to beat myself up about it.

It is like with anything new. When we learn over and over again and do over and over again, the process will become easier to attain. To God Be The Glory.

The devotional below shares on listening. Can you relate?:

Listen carefully to my words, let this be the consolation you give me. Job 21:1

Listening should be easy. But it is not. At a minimum, listening means that we have to be quiet. We cannot listen when we are talking. Not talking is the hard part. There are many reasons for this. We prefer talking over listening because it gives us a sense of control. We can control the silences between words by choosing when to talk. Since silences of even a few seconds can cause our anxiety to increase, we fill the silence with words even when we really have nothing to say.

It is a remarkable experience to have someone really listen -- to have someone's undivided attention and interest. When someone listens, they communicate to us on a very deep level that we are valuable. Their listening breaks our isolation and aloneness. And it decreases the fears which come when our thoughts and feelings are confused. Talking out loud in the presence of a person who listens carefully allows us to gain clarity and perspective. Gradually, being listened to can begin to convince us that we are worth someone's attention and worth being loved.

When someone listens with respect and acceptance we are comforted and consoled. Our pain is soothed. Our burden is lightened.

Thank you, Lord, for those who listen to me.
And thank you for the people who
trust me enough to allow me to listen to them.
Give me the courage to talk honestly.
Give me the grace to listen well.
Amen.


Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan

.................................................................................................................................................... I Got The Joy!