"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Saturday, September 18, 2010

I'M NOT TAKING IT ON


I'm not taking on the guilt. These are the words I uttered to my mum ONCE AGAIN this afternoon when she tried to manipulate me........ ugh!

I went over to her place because she asked me last week if I would help her with moving some heavy things. I have been really careful in not discussing many things with her anymore because of her enormous blown out of proportion fears to the unknown. Well, I mentioned to her last week briefly that my a/c in my car was not working properly. I figured that would be safe enough to share.

Ha!

Well, today, she went into a crying fit when I refused her help to make a budget for me. A budget! The a/c incident brought on tremendous fear for her that she justified in making a budget for "ME." She said the a/c incident scared her and feels I cannot handle money if there ever was an emergency. We went back and forth through her tears. I reminded her that "I am a big girl now." I remember telling her that "I am not taking on her "control" and "fears" she exhibits." Well, that set her off even more. How dare I! She began yelling and accusing me of controlling and then she brought up past crap with how I handled money and how she had to bail me out. Guilt Guilt Guilt! I said, this conversation is going to end now. And it FINALLY did.

I know I yet set up another massive boundary with my mum which knocked me out emotionally and physically this afternoon. But, again, I won this battle!

And all I wanted for this weekend was to soak in Him.....

15 comments:

  1. ((((JBR))))

    Good for you.....you are a big girl now and you serve a Big God who will help with your air conditioning!!!!!!!!

    Blessings,
    Tammy

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  2. Good Job JBR! Love the illustration for this - you'e gonna wash that guilt right out of your hair to misquote an old ad!!!

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  3. I'm proud of you for standing up to your mother. She had no right to make out budget for you just because you had an unexpected expense. Gee things happen! I'm so glad you stood up for yourself. May God be with you this weekend and give you an unspeakable peace and sense of well being. I standing in there with you. ((((JBR))))

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  4. good 4 both of you.
    hope that the pain pass easily soon.

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  5. May His divine wisdom and discernment continue to guide you JBR! Take care of yourself.

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  6. JBR:

    and satan KNOWS that you wanted good and Jesus for this weekend, so he is in there creating havoc. Refuse it... you didn't do anything wrong... maybe it's time to not give details to mum, just live your life and don't involve her with all the details.??

    Hugs for a GOOD weekend anyway!

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  7. Oh good for you. Gosh she sounds so much like my mother! They think there hearts are well intentioned, but they want control. When they can't have it you end up with emotional DRAMA. My mother does it all the time! Drives me insane. It is the reason we don't have a close relationship. I can only handle her in REALLY small doses. About once a month is enough for me. I am reminded to never never do this to my children.
    Take time to look out for yourself and care for you. These interactions are draining to say the least.

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  8. It is difficult for one who has so many issues of her own to find compassion for the issues of another. Just recognize it for what it is and do not ALLOW it to upset you so. You cannot be made to be upset UNLESS YOU ALLOW YOURSELF TO FEEL THIS WAY.

    Remember, YOU are in control!!! And you have the power .... USE IT!

    Love you,
    Abbey ♥

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  9. JBR,I apologize if I am speaking out of place, but your mother is the one that needs some serious help. No one likes the past episodes of our lives thrown in our faces.

    Maybe you should talk with her about her problems instead of what she thinks your problems are. Ignore those drama tears. She is still trying to control you.

    You should not have to deal with her. It is OK to let go of a toxic relationship.

    I am sorry that you are always put in this position. Be strong my friend. She probably sees the growth in you and is threatend by it.

    Keeping you in my Prayers.

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  10. Way to go, JBR! It is so very clear that you are getting stronger by the day. A couple of weeks ago this would have been incredibly difficult for you, but you're doing it! Wow.

    Wishing you well,
    NOS

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  11. Each time you take a stand you are that much closer to freedom. Good for you.

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  12. Good for you! I am so proud! Hugs!

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  13. I’m sorry but why do you even see her?? A grown up woman doesn’t have to visit”mom” anymore if the “mom” is toxic, poison, and hurtful. Why do you continue to do this to yourself? Your “mother” is a horrible person. Just because she is your mother doesn’t mean you have to put up with this. Include your brother in this too. Sorry, but it has to stop. Can’t you move away or something? you cannot have compassion for someone like this. It is too much to take especially in your fragile conditon and she knows it. She is a mean, horrible bully...stay away from here and alot of your problems will end.

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  14. AWESOME!!!!!! Do you know HOW happy I am for you??? Big hugs. :)

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