"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010


Besides being sexually abused by my brother when I was 8 or 9, the divorce of my parents when I was eleven and the years beforehand living in an environment at such a young age hearing daily hateful words being exchanged between my alcoholic mum and dad certainly left a lasting impression on my little soul.

Understanding now, what I did not understand then, I felt abandoned. I have felt pain, sadness and isolation most of my life. I have felt sooooooo alone.

But, thank God I have a Savior who understands my pain. He has and is helping me walk through some very difficult pain now that I must go through in order to heal. But, He is not letting me do this alone though. He is right there with me every step of the way. Even the times I feel He is not. He has also placed safe people in my life to encourage and give guidance. He is slowly replacing what I lost as a child in my heart; He is refilling the empty hole. I hunger for Him more than ever now! The more I have of Him, the more of His love I will experience and the returning of the joy I once had as a kid.

"I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you." John 14:18

There are many ways to become an orphan. Some children become orphans when their parents die. Others become functional orphans when their parents divorce. Other people become orphans as a result of their parent's emotional unavailability. Anyone who has been neglected, abandoned, or abused by people who were important in their life will appreciate what it is like to be an orphan. It is a painful and lonely experience. Orphans doubt their ability to sustain intimate relationships and find it difficult to trust others. Experiences of abandonment leave us full of loneliness, fear and self-loathing.

Jesus understood the acute pain that orphans experience. In this text he responds to that deep pain with a promise of relationship. "I will not leave you as orphans," Jesus says, "I will not abandon you. You will not be without family because I will come to you."

In Jesus we see most clearly that God is attentive and available to us when we feel abandoned or neglected. God respects our needs and responds to our desires for relationship. God calls us out of the brokenness and dysfunction of our very personal orphanage into the community and fellowship of God's family. We are no longer orphans. We are God's children.

Lord, I know about being an orphan.
I know about abandonment.
Thank you for understanding my fear of separation.
Thank you for understanding my need for your presence.
Be present today with me.
I want to spend time with you.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan


  1. You belong to God sweet one.

  2. WOW JBR, this one touches me on a very personal note. I have always felt orphaned due to my parents choices and subsequent death & imprisonment. It is extremely difficult to trust others and to believe they will not abandon me. It's all part of the cycle of life and trusting in God to bring people in my life when needed or desired is difficult for me. I also have to trust he knows what he's doing when they leave our life as well. Hugs. Tammy

  3. I know some awful things happened to you when you are younger, and I'm truly sorry you had to go through what you did. No one should have to endure those things. But JBR, you're coming out on the other side! You are piecing back together your life, and it's great.

    Wishing you well,

  4. you are seeking help from the one and only one who is able to provide it... *hugs*

  5. Yes you do have a Savior that understands!

  6. JBR lets make a pack. With God's help we will continue to lean on Him for a complete healing. I see a wonderful work happening in your life and I am believing He will not leave it unfinished.

  7. It's very difficult to get beyond the pain and lack of not having nurturing parents..But praise God for His love and for His healing touch in our lives. We are all overcomers of something and no weapon formed against us shall prosper..Hallelujah!

  8. Thankful that He heals the brokenhearted.

  9. Thank you for this
    ....it touches something
    surprisingly painful
    in my deep places
    where there is only
    a breathless cry
    where no sound will come out.
    But hurts so good.
    Thank you....Lord, deliver
    us in these places and enable us
    to let you love us

  10. I'm hugging you tight, JBR! You're a miracle! :) :) :)