"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Sunday, March 20, 2011


The following quote below is hard and very painful to my heart's emotion. Only because most of my life, after my parents divorce, I have been sheltered. Only having a fearful, judgmental and controlling mother as a "mentor" and example growing up. Never ever able to establish any close friendships. No serious relationships. I have never ever had anyone close to me that means the most to me. Never. The very few sick relationships I had in the past were just that.... sick. The closest I can come to in having someone that means the most to me today would be my t., my bloggy-friends and maybe one person at work. Other than that no-one. Those people listen to me. Give me a voice. Hear my pain. And for that I am truly grateful.

I cannot tell you how much my heart grieves what I have missed out on life. There is still a lot of sorrow in me. Sometimes I have wished I would have rather have someone else's troubles, than the ones that I was given. I have stopped asking God "why I was chosen for these particular trials of mine." Only He knows. Would another trial be much easier to endure? I do not know? Maybe all trials are equal to some degree. What hurts me deeply, may be the same intensity of something else I would rather be going through. Only God knows.

"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares."

— Henri J.M. Nouwen (The Road to Daybreak: A Spiritual Journey)



  2. JBR I've been blessed with a spouse who's my best friend. Who's there for me no matter what. Sure saying this didn't help matters any for you. I like what anonymous said that you don't have to stay where you're at. Not that this may help any in your time of sorrow but turning to God as your source of strength when you feel so alone is vital. I think of Christ and know that the loneliness He felt in Gethsemane and on the cross must have been far greater than what we feel now. I am not trying to diminish your pain JBR. I pray that God helps you to overcome your isolation and to reach out to others. God Bless.

  3. smiles. yes a friend is there when we need them most, not necessarily to fix us but to be with us...

  4. Through Christ all things are possible. I am happy you have some support. I thinks fellow bloggers are important and also my Just For This this week is for you. So, when you get a chance stop by my blog.

    I just pray that your relationships from here on out are healthy and productive.

  5. That hurt my heart for you! I'm so sorry you didn't have that growing up. God has blessed me with family and friends and sometimes I am still lonely. Praying for one special friend to come your way! :)

  6. I can relate to that feeling of loneliness and having missed out JBR. I think abuse plunges us into a dark place where we can no longer trust, in my case anyway. The healing work you are doing will help.

    Maybe though you have also been doing a good job of keeping yourself safe and out of abusive relationships. I had a partner, but the relationship was abusive and I'm better off without him.

    Friends are important...good you have one. True friends are so hard to find. I'm going to have to look up this fellow Nouwen - so much insight. take care

  7. This is a great quote, JBR! I think I'll look for this book. I've read books by Henri Nouwen before but not this one.

    When you are raised in a dysfunctional family it can be hard to form healthy relationships. After all, we never really learned what healthy relationships consisted of, did we? We only knew what we lived and that was "normal" for us.

    We are blessed to have learned that there is a better way of living and relating to others. Many people live out their whole lives never realizing this.

    I pray that our Lord brings loving and true friends into your life, JBR. They may be hard to find but they are out there :)

  8. This is a great quote and really shows me how to be a faithful friend. I feel that my trials sometimes are just to hard, too, and then I do something like read the prayer request list on the Spiritual Sundays website and realize that many, many people are enduring trials that are horrendous. Didn't Satan have to get God's permission first before attacking Job? Perhaps, it's that way with each of us. I like to think that God will not allow the fire to be so turned up, it destroys us.

  9. I can relate a lot to what you said in this post. I'm bereft of friends too. And the friends that I do have live all over the country and I can't see them or spend time with them. But I want you to know that just because you haven't had a healthy relationship yet doesn't mean that it will always be that way. It's really hard to change the patterns we have developed, but it's not impossible. If you want to find a friend or two maybe you could join a therapeutic group? Or take some of your interests (I know you play guitar!) and find an organization that has to do with it. I know these are simplistic ideas, but I think they are important.


    Wishing you well,

  10. Your bloggy friends have shared good advice with you, JBR...I know for me, I would rather have one true friend, than scores of fair weather buddies...don't give up...perhaps one of those friends you mentioned will become your "bosom buddy"...or our mutual Friend will bring someone special into your life...

    There is an old story about the "Room full of troubles"...all mankind brings in their troubles and lays them together...they then have to pick another set of troubles to take out with them...everyone always chooses their own troubles over another person's....

  11. So glad you stopped by my blog . . . I, in turn, will be stopping by here a lot more often! Remember, even Jesus only had 12 disciples . . . one betrayed Him, one denied Him (and said He never would), another doubted Him, etc. Besides, sister, what is there that has been really lost? You have a friend in God. All the rest of us . . . we're just sheep here with you along the journey . . . hopefully to encourage one another to stay close to the Shepherd! Enjoy the solitude with the Almighty . . . it's what I've had to do for a LONG time. (for various reasons in relation to the trials of life.)
    With Christ's love,

  12. Wow, I love that quote. So true! And I so relate to what you've said as well, JBR.

    As you know, I'm making the rounds to say goodbye to the blogosphere after five years of blogging. I want to thank you for being one of my favorite bloggy buddies, always around with a hug. You rock! (((((((((JBR))))))))))) I wish you many blessings, peace and joy as you continue your courageous journey.

  13. great quote and so true. is there true friendship?
    i can relate to what you've said in this post.

    sending hugs!
    b xx

  14. beautiful quote.When we trust in Him, He will never let us down.

  15. Powerful words and so true

  16. hey Sweetie,,,i'm in a bit of a sda place right now,,can never really say sometiomes why..my past who knows byt God.. I give it to Him but take it bacjk again.. i never want to allow myself to get to a place w/o HIM in my life again as it use to be with me.. real deep depression etc..NOT turning to GOD , saying He was too busy..all that junk the enemy fills our heads with...i'm blessed with HIM in my everyday now,,after He took me to that place of rock bottom 7 yrs ago.. AMAZING...
    then again every so often this SAD thing hits me inside...
    Go figure..
    Anyhoo's THX for ALWAYS sharing with us so that we in turn can share right back...AND of course, for leaving me your blessed comments on SS too
    Have a BLESSED in HIM week JBR~~~Hugs Dena