"Don't rush your journey." Were the words my t. told me last session.
I have a tendency to "rush" everything. I want it to be over with. To be finished.
But, in one's journey, one cannot rush. Take for granted. Miss opportunities. God has me in the right place at the right time with the right people with the right circumstances with the right amount of emotional and physical pain. He has it all under control.
At the same time, God's Grace is hard for me to accept. Yet. Sure I can believe that "you" are worthy enough to receive His Grace, but not me. That is why I continue to be so very hard on myself. A problem, a sinful act that I may be struggling with that can be easily forgiven with repentance on my part, gets screwed up in my mind where I do not accept God's Grace. Spiraling into shame for days on end. Giving free reign for depression and suicidal thoughts to prevail.
JBR....thank you for this post! This is exactly what I needed to hear! See, God works through your ick to help somebody elses ick (in this case...mine)! Hang in there...I'm hanging there right with you!
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to accept knowing how all of us do not deserve it...Yet, He first love us...
ReplyDeleteMay His strength always be yours JBR! Take care.
THAT PICTURE IS SO SERENE. THAT WOMAN CAN BE YOU JBR. MOST OF THE TIME WHAT YOU WRITE AND THE PICTURES YOU SHARE COINCIDE WITH ONE ANOTHER. MAKES THE REALNESS EVEN MORE. SATAN WANTS TO TORMENT. USING DEPRESSION AND THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE IS HIS GAME PLAY. DON'T FALL INTO IT JBR. YOU'R MUCH STRONGER THAN THAT. I LIKE WHAT RCUBES SAID TO YOU. THAT SAYS IT ALL. HAVE A BEAUTIFUL DAY.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a strong believer like you. Your concerns in your belief are evident. Hopeing you find that grace you talk about. Oh yeah thanks for stopping by my blog. :)
ReplyDeleteBlessings...
ReplyDeletethe reason you don't rush the journey is so that you get the lesson in the experience. If you rush it then you miss the lesson and hence doomed to repeat the experience because the lessons were lost therefore you were not equipped to recognize the signs, warnings that would have allowed you to choose differently and by pass having to live through the experience again.
The point is, in every experience, every moment in life there are lessons to be learnt. The lessons are the guiding posts for our lives, they are God's way of talking to us in a way that we hear, see and pay attention. Miss the lesson and you will continue to live the experience until you get, how long you have the experience is dependent upon how well you SEE, HEAR, UNDERSTAND AND ARTICULATE what is being showned and told to you.
Peace.....
and
don't forget the lesson
Rhapsody
We can all learn from the struggles (and successes) of others - that's what I believe, anyway. My view of God while growing up, was more like the Great Grandfather in the sky. He set the rules for the game and mostly I followed them. He showed He was pleased with my obedience by rewarding me with candy sort of speak. Any misdemeanors on my part were mostly set aside with a wink, a stern nod and a grin.
ReplyDeleteI liked this view of God because I was good at following rules. Legalistic. Or at least, I was good at choosing which rules to follow and which ones to avoid being caught at not following.
This all changed when pain entered my life. All rules were called off it seemed as the level of my obedience (measured in my head) or not didn’t seem to matter.
Learning the doctrine of God’s sovereignty has brought greater security and peace to my life, my marriage, my parenting and all of my relationships. His sovereignty in all events does not absolve me of personal obedience. Rather it informs my obedience because I can be confident that He is working out His perfect will in my life through every event. The Author of Hope is a Sovereign God.
you are...and the jouney is measured in moments that become hours that become days...you will get there...know you are not alonee on the path...
ReplyDeleteoh sweets, I can so understand what you're saying....and yet what your t says is SO true
ReplyDeleteyou ARE in the right place at the right time
with the right people and the right amount of everything needed in order for you to bloom
and grow and enjoy everything your heart longs for.....he is just that awesome a shepherd!!!
Oh beautiful, beautiful, beautiful you
....what a polished gem you're becoming:)
-Jennifer
Wow Sis,, these are such GREAT comments for you.. You are Beautiful Gem,,refining is never easy.. Wow, do we ever know that in our house.. Its happening everyday Sis... But just look back on what HE has grown you to be Sweetie...WOW!!!!
ReplyDeleteYOU are one of GODs Precious "Wow" moments!!!!
Don't ya just LOVE HIM even more for those!!!!
After the pruning YOU will be that perfect woman for GODs HOLY Kingdom... HIS Heaven Sweetie....Ahhhhhh, HIS PRESENCE!!!! PRAISE GOD that HE sooo LOVES us even in our sin here on earth..PRAYING for you and THANKS with HUGsss for your note...Do you have an FB page.. I'm on everyday with a womans group for HIS GLORY... Its soooo helped me to grow in my daily walk with JESUS...Let me know.. My email is dedreamdoodles@mchsi.com
LOVE YOU!!!!
Oh sweet girl!! Hugs! You are doing so well. With everything on your plate you still have such an amazing outlook. Yes it is tough and these are outward words, inside it hurts and feel bad but you have the right thought process and you are seeking Him. Hang in there girl.
ReplyDeletePraying lots for you and your mum.
<><
HI JBR - oh my, you really are so amazing.
ReplyDeleteI have learned that it is always about the journey and not the destination. I am honored to be here at this time w/you along your way.
Love Gail
peace.....
"Don't rush your journey." These are great words of wisdom from your t. - when I try to rush ahead of the Holy Spirit I get filled with anxiety. If I slow down and "wait on the Lord" my life runs so much more smoothly.
ReplyDeleteI have been praying for you - I pray the Lord heals your broken heart, my friend, and may He bless you with his peace and joy.
Lovely blog
ReplyDeleteJBR good to see you post again. Grace is a tricky thing. It's simple and profound at the same time. And I believe we can accept and refuse it at the same time. We accept it in a general sense, but we refuse it on a deeper, very personal level. JBR I struggle with accepting God's grace. I think what keeps me from fully embracing God’s grace to me is my pride. The idea that I’m a good person and don’t really need too much grace. God Bless.
ReplyDeleteBig Hugs to you JBR. Why are we so hard on ourselves? Lifting you up in prayer.
ReplyDeleteWhy is it that we can see others at being worthy yet not ourselves. We are all worthy. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteI think that's good advice coming to your therapist. It's difficult though-- we want to get past the bad parts as quickly as possible and to extend the good parts. But maybe it's about savoring the good parts, not extending it. I don't know. Just a thought.
ReplyDeleteWishing you well,
NOS
I can relate to the depression/shame spiral JBR. Good to remember though - those feelings are not your fault and not caused by something you are doing/not doing. Par for the course when healing from abuse IMO. It is certainly difficult to not want to 'rush the journey' when feeling so bad. take care now
ReplyDeleteThe number one goal my t has for me is to BE PATIENT! She says this to me every week because I am the exact same way. I want to get it over with, as fast as possible. Push, push, push!
ReplyDeleteI am always amazed at how similar our thoughts are...
Those words are truly fantastic, and I will remember them too! Don't rush the journey..Take care JBR..
ReplyDeleteI haven't seen you in forever! I rarely have time to visit my blog friends but here I am. I think all of us have different levels of struggles when it comes to forgiving ourselves -- walking in the forgiveness that God has for us.
ReplyDeleteOnce we repent, sin is GONE. Completely gone. But somehow we feel like we have to "earn" his forgiveness which isn't even possibly.
Amazing that we can believe the scripture that says if we call on Jesus we are saved, but we struggle with other scriptures like forgiveness, healing, etc ...
I pray you'll feel His great love for you dear JBR. (((hugs))) He loves you with an everlasting love and captures your every tear in a bottle. You may sow in tears, but you will reap a harvest of JOY. I believe it.
Love,
Beth
When in a rush one might skip a few important steps.. I hope your journey continues to bring you closer to healing
ReplyDeleteHi JBR,
ReplyDeleteYou are a precious child of God. Hold onto His grace and rest in His arms. I pray the Lord to continue doing a work in your life and bring healing from all your hurts. You are in my prayers.
Ken
..."He leads you beside still waters, He restores your soul."
ReplyDelete