"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Thursday, July 21, 2011

RESENTMENT/FORGIVENESS


RESENTMENT a feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will at something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury

Although I am struggling particularly at this time dealing with resentment, which is an issue from my past that plays into my insecurities, it is not fun!

Since I have lead mostly an isolated life, no real friends, no real social life, no real nothing...... resentment really was not an issue. Interaction with people was limited. No deep relationships at all.

Not until starting my journey some three years ago. Where God is using people currently in my life (since I am becoming freer) to draw out what layed dormant and festered along with other emotionally painful crap all these years from my childhood.

Resenting people(s) hurting, abusing, using me. The affects that my parents divorce had on me. The emotional pain of the splitting up of my family and verbal abuse. My brother sexually violating me as a child which instilled a tremendous amount of fear still locked up inside of me to this day are all part of the resentment pain of my past that I am experiencing now. Angry and resentful that part of my life was taken away from me, mainly out of fear of my past hurts.

Dealing with resentment now, is a big chore. As there are more people in my life now that I am not ignoring or running away from, that there is more of the possibility of getting hurt. Once again.

God has me in a situation at this moment where I have to extend forgiveness. Something I do not really understand nor never ever done. Forgiving is something I am learning. Not only learning to forgive others, but myself. Which is even a harder chore.

Not dealing with the emotional and physical turmoil that resentment can cause will undoubtedly eat you up inside if you will NOT let it go. Not an easy task. And for me something that is not going away over night.


17 comments:

  1. JBR you're making great strides. Your journey has proved a miracle in itself. The obstacles that you've overcome are nothing to sneeze at. Sure, you still have a ways to go with being sexually abused, but in time God will heal you there as well. I'm proud of your accomplishments. God Bless.

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  2. Agree with you, resentment or hate is difficult to emotion to handle. Forgetting the pain is hard enough.
    We are human, I believe God does not expect us to heal overnight or forgive so fast, after all he made us.
    He'll help us heal, he'll be there with us until such time we can accept, are ready to let it go.

    Have faith, continue to love as best as you can.
    Thank you for your supporting words.

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  3. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011

    GIRL I'M SO PROUD OF YOU. FORGIVENESS IS NOT EASY. I'M AMAZED NO I TAKE THAT BACK, YOUR REAL ENOUGH NOT TO AMAZE ME. YOUR HONESTY IN YOUR PAIN STILL ASTOUNDS ME. I DON'T THINK I COULD EVER BE SO OPEN. THANK YOU.

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  4. Resentment is something I know in great depth, but I found time the emotional turmoil subsided and prayer helps..

    Keep on working it out, JBR!

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  5. forgiveness is hard business, but a beautiful gift you not only give to others but yourself...it did happen, it does matter...resolve it with them and yourself to find that true forgivemeness

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  6. Seeing that image you posted reminds me of the prison where I work. How like the incarcerated people, we tend to put up those walls and end up locking ourselves in and sometimes, it is hard to get out. But truly, where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And it's comforting to know where you truly stand. God bless you JBR! Be strong in the Lord's mighty power. Always.

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  7. HI JBR -- resentment, over time hardens and is almost impossible to break through. Soften in as best you can with liquid love and acts of kindness which, I might add, are the best counter act to resenting. And remember, the resentments you hold against what r whom ever have NO impact on them, only on you - stop giving your peace and freedom away. Enough has been taken from you, enough!
    Love Gail
    peace.....

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  8. Resentment is like hate it hurts you. You are really working with some difficult feeling now and it is important to know you are not alone. Take care of yourself as you work through these emotions. Make sure you are feeding your spirit with lots of Gods love.

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  9. Wow! I am so on your page! I am always "on guard" so that I will not get hurt since there is the possibility. Also, not understanding forgiveness is an issue for me as well. I mean, what is it really? What does it "look" like? Have I really forgiven even if I do not want to deal with the person again in order to make sure that I am not hurt again? What-is-forgiveness & how-do-I-know-if-I-have-actually-forgiven?

    Lastly, I really dig the photo, it speaks loudly!

    smooches,
    Larie

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  10. Forgiveness is a tough one. You can't forgive and forget but you can forgive and move forward. That doesn't mean you need to be involved with the person you are forgiving. It's really about freeing your mind and getting it off your chest.
    Yes, we can be very hard on ourselves, we can be our toughest challenge but it can be done. You are worthy of forgiveness.

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  11. Forgiveness is hard, no doubt about that. But the real key to forgiveness is really not about the other person but about you. When you don't forgive you become angry, mad, bitter and so on. When you forgive you let go of all the negative stuff and you find peace, happiness and joy. Forgiveness does not mean to forget but to let go. We try to forget but that takes time.

    You are really coming along and doing such a great job at healing. God is so good!

    Always praying for you dear girl.
    <><

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  12. Hey JBR, I have not been on your blog for sometime. I see some definite change in your blog. you are healing very much. God is so good and I see Him working here. Yes, forgiveness is so hard sometimes, but remember, holding on only hurts us. the other person never knows the anger and fear that we are going through. I will keep praying for you and God will get you through it all! love ya

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  13. Praying for you as you work your way through this JBR. God bless.

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  14. Where do you come up with these pictures? They're great. You have many friends here supporting you and encouraging you. That's what I like to read. The pain may be real and bad but the hope you share and others help me along also. Hang tough. You're a tough cookie dearie.

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  15. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011

    JBR, trusting other people does mean you take a risk in resenting them or even yourself. Life is richer when there is a bond of trust between you and someone else. resentment is an old record that just keeps playing. turn the page. eyes hath not seen nor ears heard what god has prepared for those who have loved him-in this life. there is a future.you let god love other people through you...isn't that what it is all about?

    Flannery

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  16. I think the fact that you feel resentment towards certain other people is great and an excellent sign of recovery! When we start channeling our anger outwards and not towards ourselves we can begin to recover. That's a huge problem I have-- in most cases when I have been mistreated I don't get angry at the other person, I get angry at myself because I always think that I did something to "ask for it." Sigh.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is that I see a lot of growth in you through this post.

    Wishing you well,
    NOS

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  17. Hi JBR,
    Forgiveness is key here even though it is hard. Until we do we are held in a prison, but Jesus has come to set the captives free.
    I am praying for you,
    Ken

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