"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Sunday, October 30, 2011


"Do not expect to be treated fairly in this life. People will say and do hurtful things to you, things you don't deserve. When someone mistreats you, try to view it as an opportunity to grow in grace," -Jesus Calling.

People have hurt me.

My father hurt me. My mum hurt me. My brother hurt me. So called friends have hurt me. Pain is pain. Hurt is hurt. Whether emotionally, verbally, physically, or sexually.

Or all of the above. Sadly.

I happened to find some old pictures of myself when I was thirteen just after my parents divorce and moving to New York from Florida and how unhappy I was. My eyes were dead. A distant stare. No smile. No life in my whole being. I was a walking dead teenager. I was this way most my life. Very surreal.

As I emotionally heal on my journey to freedom and come alive with my feelings that were buried so deep within so long ago. From my painful past. I can begin to understand from the perspective of knowing how much brokenness is in the world. How much I too was broken!

How we "all" have that ability to hurt one another. Mainly acting out of fear and hurt. Producing many adverse effects. Including anger, shame, guilt, criticism and judgement.

I was a product of my father's background. His parents divorced. His father was not there for him. In fact I do not ever recall my father talking about his own father. His parents drank as well. Partied. My grandmother was know to be an exotic dancer at one time.

The way my father handled his pain from the few things I have been told by other family members were destructive. Once setting his mother's curtains on fire in their living room when he was youngster. Later on when my father was in his early twenties, he lost his father to suicide. I do not believe he even went to his funeral.

That being said, and not seeking help in those days, his future looked bleak for a repeat performance. Bringing in all his hurt and transferring it upon his children and wives. (Three marriages total) From his first marriage where his first two sons wrote him off later in life because he was not there for them to his second marriage where he neglected me. I was the last of his children.

My father transferred a lot of his emotional pain from his own childhood upon me. By saying hurtful things and criticizing me. Shaming me. It is only through God's grace and counseling that I realize now that he responded out of his own brokenness.

Though painful still at times with my past, I continue to heal more and more, and come closer to the understanding of what "forgiveness" is all about, (It is the key to freedom) the more I can grow in grace.


  1. I am so touched by this post JBR. My eyes are filled with tears. Yet once again you come away with encouraging words. Thank you and I'm sorry for what you went through as a child.

  2. My heart is swelling with the life
    that is flowing from your spirit
    dear dear JBR....so much healing
    and grace pouring into
    dear sweet you:)

  3. I'm happy to have discovered your blog! Thank you for visiting mine and leaving a comment. Right now I'm going through a class through my church called Restoring Relationships. The workbook takes you through 12 weeks of concentrated questions that makes you dig up a lot of the wounds of the past. It's not easy, for sure, it's painful! But I do see how asking the right questions and being honest with myself about the answers is bringing healing. Way to go with this blog, bringing it all out and talking about the effects of what has happened. I sense that you are going to help a lot more people out there!
    God bless your journey!

  4. Thank you for sharing, for I really liked what you had to say at the end of this post!

    I used to think in order for me to forgive didn't mean that I had to forget, but now I realize that I must forget as well, because if I don't forget, then I'm not truly dismissing what I need to forgive in the first place.

    God's blessings to you JBR!!!

  5. smiles. forgiveness is a beautiful gift we give others and ourselves...i am glad you find yourself closer...smiles.

  6. You are in the best of care, that of our Savior. All you have been through and still you turn to God. You are an inspiration.

  7. Safe hugs to you my sweet friend. :)

    It sure is hurtful for a child to grow up without the love and security from their parents. You are learning and discovering so much hon. I continue to just smother you in prayers. :)


  8. Forgiveness...so huge...a definite key to freedom. And when I found when it was too hard to forgive in my puny strength...He helped me with His amazing grace...grace that never fails....and He's got you JBR.....and won't ever let you go.

  9. Such a sad story but you are right on the mark here, JBR, and this was another very insightful post. May God bless you and continue to flood you with his grace!

  10. I hear what you're saying, JBR. And understand it all too well!

    Stay close to God. Let His love envelope you as He continues the healing process in you.

    Bless you. C

  11. JBR by embracing forgiveness, you embrace peace, hope, gratitude and joy. The act that hurt or offended you may always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you. God Bless.

  12. You're breaking the cycle of this painful abuse, and finding comfort in God's words.

  13. Thanks for talking to my heart JBR! You know the battle I had been in! Your post makes me stronger and encourages me to "grow in grace" instead. God bless and protect you and always strengthen you.

  14. Amen, JBR! growing in forgiveness and grace are the keys to freedom. I'm praying that you continue to grow in these areas.

  15. You are doing so good in your journey to happiness. Breaking the pattern is what is needed for future generations.

  16. JBR-love reading your posts because they are encouraging. You have been through much but because of the love of our Savior you finding freedom! God bless you...Chelle


  18. Great comments on your post! "Breaking the cycle" someone said, and you are doing it! A couple of books that have helped me a lot in breaking the cycle have been " A Door of Hope" by Jan Frank, and also "The Wounded Heart" book and workbook by Dan Allender. What shocked me most as I went through the workbook, was my need to forgive myself in some areas as well to forgive the perpetrators!

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