"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Tuesday, December 27, 2011


Even though I have faced in counseling and with God what my older brother did sexually to me as a child, there are times still I have painful memories of recall. Anger then boils up. Knowing what was taken from me and what I have lost out on most my life. Especially during the holidays is difficult for me. Thinking about the missed opportunity in my life of having some what of a healthy relationship with the opposite sex. Seeing couples and families together. Having really no "real family" of my own. Yes, it is still difficult for me to deal with at times. The loneliness. The "what could have beens."

I have had a heavy burden these past couple of days to share with those a prayer who have been sexually abused. Finding myself reading over the words of healing as well:


Dear God, I can no longer bear this pain alone. You know every feeling and secret locked in my heart. It is time, Lord, to open my heart and share my sufferings with those who can help me. Give me the courage to learn more about the sexual trauma that has so affected my life. Though I may not understand why this has happened to me, may I take comfort in the fact that I am not to blame, and realize that I am not the only person who has been abused in this way.

Guide me to find the faith and help I need to gain confidence in mind and body, develop trust in others, and experience hope for a happy, healthy life. Lord, I know that with Your love, my physical and emotional wounds will be healed. Amen.


  1. JBR I'm sorry you were sexually violated as a child. I really am. I can't relate. So my words may not be of any comfort when I say I understand. But in a way I think I do. Since God is our connection. He does understand. Thanks for continuing to be brave and share your journey. I know it might not be easy at times to open up such personal things. God Bless.

  2. Many times when issues from my past, hurts, disappointments, abuse, comes to my future, I quote one scripture that is powerful enough to chase away the memories: I Cornithians 2:2"For I determine not to know any thing among you, save Jesus Christ and him crucified."... I refuse to become one again with those "memories of yesterday"...to review them is to re-experience them ... as long as I remain in the past with those memories my today is over shadowed by those painful times. Jesus Christ died for those offenses against me, those sins that were committed against me is NOW covered by the blood of the Lamb, and I choose to focus "right then when the memory arises" to think and meditate upon the goodness of the Lord's love for me .... verse three says ...I was with you in weakness, and in fear, and in much trembling.....He kept us from death in those times of suffering, that we might today be a light of His Love and Hope for others by testifying of His Greatness and Redeeming powers. Lifting you up in prayer today my friend.

  3. Sending you thoughts & prayers! May others lives be touched by your story of triumphant. For overwhelming victory belongs to you.


  5. JBR - I, like you, know the impact of sexual abuse and I know too that it is up to me how I choose to let my abusers cause me harm. Don't give them any more power - that's not to say you shouldn't feel your feelings but your life is yours to design not theirs.
    Love Gail

  6. JBR, this is a tough, rough journey. I am praying for you always as you make it through.


  7. More prayers for your healing JBR.

  8. You're in my thoughts and prayers.. ((hugs))

  9. I've lately been feeling what I've lost as well. And it is hard to come to terms with it. It is a journey and you are in my thoughts.

  10. As you wrote earlier JBR don't abandon your journey. Your encouragement to carry on helps me. Youve overcame so much in your life.

  11. what happened to me in the past has left pieces embedded in me even though I've moved on in so many ways. I understand JBR. Hugs to you.

  12. I hear your cries. I've been there. And still also.

  13. Praying for you today. May you feel His loving arms around you today.

  14. Those wounds go deep sweetie, it's just not suppose to happen.

    My prayers are liftin' your pain up to the Lord right now. Lord give this precious one strengh and fill her empty cup with faith that supasses all understanding.

    I wish I could bottle up a big old hug and send it your way sweetie.

    God bless you and I pray this new year will fill you with His love.

  15. Hi JBR,
    I don't know what you are going through, for I know only you can know what you're going through.

    There is something I want to share with you JBR that I have never shared with anyone else in a comment on someone's blog before, and that's, that as a young boy I was raped by another man. Seeing that I'm a man myself, this is something that is quite hard for me to share! Now that I have shared what happened to me JBR in this comment to you, I'm sure many others will see this as well, but I don't care what people might think of me, for I'm one of God's children regardless of what happened to me in the past.

    God's blessings to you JBR,

  16. Lon, thank you for sharing and being brave to share your voice. I am so very sorry that you were raped as a young boy. Yes, you are God's child. You did nothing wrong. Someone took advantage of you as a child. I know the biggest thing "we" deal with is the shame issue. But, as I am learning, and not just because what my brother did to me, but on other issues, "the shame is not mine." Yeah, easier said than done. But we were kids. We did not know better. Satan uses that false guilt and shame upon us. Blessings to you dear one and safe hugs.

  17. JBR: haven't been able to follow along very well this year. Thinking of you this holiday, and your guitar playing!! Hoping for a better and more joyful 2012

  18. I can see the Lord working through you. Even while you struggle so, you care and pray for those who share the same pain. Keep praying and know that no matter how hard it seems, God is right there beside you and in fact, at times he is carrying you.

  19. I feel like I could have written the first part of your post, my story is similar to yours. This post of yours hit my heart and this prayer came at the right time for me, thank you for sharing it. The pain comes in waves, doesn't it? I have hope that one day, it will all settle out and won't be like it is now.

    Thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers ...

  20. you are so strong. capable and able. even though it may not feel like it. love and hugs to you!