TRANSFORMATION

Recovery can be exhausting. I certainly have shared many times in my blog how exhausted I had become both mentally and physically. How utterly painful getting in touch with my feelings had been at times. So, I know this statement holds true. Can you relate?

Through our painful recovery, God promises to be with us every step of the way to see us to our transformation. This can be hard for some of us, since we did not ask to have this pain in the first place. We were innocent children. We may Never understand God’s reasoning this side of heaven.

God knows and understands our pain, our tears, our anger, our frustrations, our hate, our rage, our seething, our loathing, our confusion, our temper, our questioning, our doubting, our resenting, our cursing, our blaming, our rebelling, our SI, our addictions, our mental illnesses, our quitting and through all of this He cares and loves us! Sorry for all the "ours." But, it makes it more personal if I write it that way.

Believing that God cares can be a BIG pill to swallow for some of us. But some how, there has to be a place in our journey that we flat out have to begin to TRUST and give our pain and hurt to Him totally. Not just a little, but all. I am NOT saying this is easy, as it is not! BUT....I know it can be done. As it has begun in me.

Ever since I lost my job earlier this year, the overwhelming distractions that came with it have ceased. Thank You Lord! I honestly believe that God had to use drastic measures to get my attention for His next venture for me. Letting this layoff happen. Even if I did not want it to! I felt physically ill daily from the stress of my job and the people I was dealing with. To this day I honestly believe I was slowly killing myself and did not know what to do?

These past five months have been the quickest I have emotionally healed since the start of my journey nearly four years ago. It is like I went from first gear right over to fifth. Nevertheless, it has not been easy.

From day one when I was let go I said to God that I would seek Him more than ever. "Since I had the time now." And I have done that. Scared and all. Not having any idea what I was asking. Only to find out as I went along.

I literally had to step out of my comfort zone and do things I would never do. Like approach people, converse, pray and for some ask for forgiveness. I would never of done this in the past because of my own selfishness and fears. Fearing consequences of possible rejection and ridicule. I amaze myself at times with the boldness the Lord has given me to step out. And the freedom!

All I can say, "It is NOT me!"

Satan and his thugs are pulling out all the stops. Causing new distractions in the form of horrific fear and painful physical ailments. However, as difficult these challenges are, I am becoming so much stronger in overcoming his lies! Finding truth and strength in my Heavenly Daddy and His Word! The Word is powerful and what wins!