Today while I was in the pool of my condo a divorced father and his three children arrived for a swim. Two older boys and a girl. Exact carbon copy of my siblings and I in age growing up. I put the daughter around six or seven.
Anyway, listening how the father's ignored the pleas of his daughter's attention brought back some painful memories.
In my quest to "win" my father's love I strived way too hard at times for his affection. Causing him to become frustrated with me. Especially when he moved out of our house a year before my parents divorced and then I was whisked away with my mum to start a new life with her new husband. Leaving my father, brothers and friends behind.
My dad did not have to say anything when he was bothered. It showed in his demeanor. Making me cringe in fear that I did something wrong to hurt his feelings. Imagine that. I was more concerned with his feelings than mine. I would shut down and be cautious in order to make sure I did not "offend" him any longer. Watching what I would say. Staying out of his way. All the while inside my little girl wanted nothing more than for her daddy to play with her and to show she was special.
My Heavenly Daddy would like nothing more than to spend hours upon hours with his daughter. I know that. Showing how special she is. Enjoying His time with her. No strings attached. Accepting her as she is. No performance based tryouts for acceptance.
Not having the proper love from my earthly daddy or any intimate male relationships, I find transitioning into acceptance of a Heavenly Daddy's love remains a struggle.
I do not want to end on a down beat. Knowing without a doubt as I continue seeking and desiring Him the knowing in my heart that He is Love, will one day transition into becoming Love.
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23
My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.
Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.
Daddy let me be secure in You only!