SURVIVAL SKILLS FOR HEALING

Early in 2009 I began to share some chapters from the book, The Courage to Heal. A book geared towards children of sexual abuse.

Back in 2009 I had a totally different following. In fact, looking at some of the comments, I only recognize three people that have stayed with me these four years. Everyone else is new now. Which I am totally blessed and grateful for.

With that being said, I felt led to share one of the chapters that I posted back in 2009 for my new audience. Some chapters are more sensitive than others and care must be taken. I chose one that is suitable for all. So, if the response is favorable, I will share more.

Recognizing the Damage
“Healing is demanding work. It disrupts your old ways of coping; brings up deep pain, fear, and grief; and requires that you make profound changes in your life. When you are in the throes of healing from child sexual abuse, it is especially important to be kind to yourself. Yet a common side effect of child sexual abuse is insensitivity to our own needs and a lack of awareness about self-care, so one of the first challenges we face in the healing process is the need to develop a new survival skill; how to nurture ourselves. “(The Courage To Heal)

The statement I am frequently confronted with is: “be gentle with myself.” Be gentle with myself when I am usually hard on myself. I can condemn myself something awful for something I had no control over. So, can I be gentle with myself when I make a mistake? Can I allow myself to be human and make a mistake and not feel bad about it? From 2009 to present, I have improved considerably in this area. Although at times I do find myself reverting back to my old ways. But, for the most part, Big JBR is more compassionate with the little one now.

“One way to begin is to take a gentle attitude toward the process of healing itself. Force doesn’t promote healing; it impedes it. It’s just as important to learn to relax, to laugh, to eat well, to sleep, and to enjoy everyday moments as it is to grapple with shame, to grieve, and to express outrage. You need quiet time for integration and gathering your strength. And of course, serenity is one of the goals of the healing process, a worthwhile prize in itself.

If you’re at the beginning of the healing process and your life is full of painful emotions, memories, and crises, the idea of pacing yourself, taking breaks, or healing over time may seem irrelevant. You feel terrible now and want the pain to go away. But healing from sexual abuse is not a short-term proposition. It’s a gradual process, rooted in small daily steps. You have to settle in for the long haul. You have to learn to live your life while you are healing.” (The Courage To Heal)

I like what the authors say that “force does not promote healing along.” Also, the key is to learn to live your life while you heal. My serenity part, besides meditating on God’s Word is relaxing in the pool. Especially being out of a job for close to a year now.

Although it may be difficult to do especially when you plainly just do not feel like it, but if you can bring relief/comfort to someone else’s needs for a moment and get your mind off of yourself and be able to connect with another person who is experiencing pain, you yourself can be uplifted from your own pain for a time being.

If you are in therapy, having that safe environment is important to healing. A place where you can be real and tap into your pain.

One thing I learned in therapy is taking small baby steps daily in my recovery. Something that is vital. One foot over the other and each day I get closer to my goal. I have made tremendous leaps in four years for sure. Naturally there will be days, and have been days, when I fall back and trip over my own baby steps. But, then I can brush off the dirt, regain my balance and move on again.