When I was in denial about my past, I just lived every day by wearing different masks just to survive the memories of past abuse and hurts. Faking life. Covering up my shame, anger, fears, you name it. I gave the impression I had it all together!
But,
No.....I was living "hell."
I was so very miserable, depressed, sad, hopeless, fearful, etc., the lowest I had ever been. I was afraid for myself. I knew I needed to come to terms with my past and face it and be "Real" about my hurts for the first time in my life!
At the same time I realized I could not do this alone.
I needed help.
I needed help in the worst way.
Not just human help.
But God help!
I began seriously crying out to God for His ultimate presence and His divine intervention in my life over four years ago to help me along my journey to freedom.
I finally was ready.
I finally was broken.
God was waiting patiently for the day to hear the words from my lips, "HELP."
I was powerless to help myself without Him.
As I began trusting Him, He then could begin to help me. He puts the right people in my life to help me along. The more I have been open and willing, the more He has been able and healing. Which continues to this day. Not always an easy task. Pain is pain and can be excruciating at times.
But, He is doing something MIGHTY in me which is worth the pain. I feel I become stronger daily. Little by little I am opening myself up and trusting Him more. Growing closer to my Daddy.
There is a special conference called "Eleven," that happens once a year around this time for three days at what I call "The Love Church." One of three churches I attend regularly. It is a conference to awaken this present generation to the hour we live. To press in to what God has to say. Also a time for healing. Emotionally inside. Healing of the wounds that only God can mend. All part of my journey to breakthrough.
Love this JBR. "I was powerless to help myself without Him." I know that well myself. Keep going...keep healing...keep pressing in! I am learning this myself right now. No it's not always easy...rarely actually...but it is rewarding.
ReplyDeleteBlessings...Chelle
Yes it can be a lifelong journey, but the light at the end of the tunnel gets larger the closer we get to our destination when we keep traveling.
ReplyDeleteHI GRACE - I truly hope tht your journey also has days of wellness and wholeness and freedom from pain and that you are not so aware of wounds but rather the joy of healing.
ReplyDeleteLove to you
Gail
peace.....
It is good to go to conferences like the one you describe JBR. I hope you can manage to attend.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I have realised is you certainly need to be willing to be open to walk the journey of healing because as you say it is painful plus plus plus.
I remember one day at a Christian concert praying to God and saying okay lets get this healing on its way I want to really live. Up to then I had wanted healing but I think I was too scared or not in the right place to feel able to face everything. At the moment I can see God at work in my healing with as you say the people he has brought to aid that but he has asked me to go to some hard places and fight for that healing and I have had to be open to all ideas of healing.
JBR I am glad you were open and I pray you continue to heal. God Bless.
God does want us to seek him out and turn to him for help. We can't do it alone. Hope you have a nice weekend, Grace. Wishing you many blessings.
ReplyDeleteWhere would we be without His healing?
ReplyDeleteDear JBR, may this conferenc e be a time of renewal, healing and growth for you blessed with worship and fellowship. I long for times of refreshing too
ReplyDeleteSo you are attending the conference? It sounds wonderful to me. Praying for your connection with God to be awesome.
ReplyDeleteThank you Debby. Today is the last day of the conference. It has been truly inspiring and the Presence of the Lord has been in that place! Hugs.
DeleteReally like this post.
ReplyDeleteDropping by to say hello and after reading your post, I found out that you ar ein the right path. Healing comes along the way. Bless your heart. By the way, is that your picture on top?
ReplyDeleteHi Joy, thank you for your comment. No, that is not me. But, it is pretty close. That is why I put it up. Hugs.
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