“MYTH: The child could have told someone. FACT: They have been threatened by their abuser. They are afraid no one will believe them. They are afraid they will be blamed. They are afraid they will be punished. They feel such guilt and shame they just can’t. They may be afraid they will cause a divorce between parents. They may be protecting the abuser, keeping the secret from someone they love.” The Right to Innocence by Beverly Engel
From what I recall, my older brother who was four years older than me, began sexually abusing me when I was around 9 or 10. Even though I only have a handful of memories, which even one is too much, of him molesting me, the damage was done.
Being both of us were children, he told me when I inquired "why?"... not to tell anyone and that he wanted to become a doctor.
I kind of remember asking him or confirming with him a couple of other times before he began molesting me, "so you want to be a doctor?" Some how I thought if my little girl's mind could wrap around her heart what he was doing was justified, the shame she felt, somehow she could handle feeling so uncomfortable when he touched, probed and had her do things to him.
So, my brother's statement to me did the job. Shame prevailed. Into my later years about who I was sexually, shame of my body etc. So, my little girl never told anyone. Until fourty years plus later in therapy. God's was allowed to begin a healing work. Which continues to this day.
Hi Grace and lil Grace-
ReplyDeleteyou are very brave and strong. Way more than your abuser. He is the coward and weak one.
Love
Gail/Annie <3
And the road to healing continues as you grow in Him into the woman you were created to be.
ReplyDeleteAlways praying for you hon.
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Hi Grace! Thank you for coming over to visit me today!
ReplyDeleteWhat a story! And I am SO happy that your healing continues. I am sure that talking about it really helps you, and I pray that you will feel stronger day by day.
I think you have been at my blog before? Time to become blog-friends, right? Please come by again, I'd love to get to know you better!
Ceil
just keep one trucking one step at a time.Hugs my friend!
ReplyDeleteHi Grace,
ReplyDeletewe are a new creation in Christ. I remember needing something wiping from my mind and I was on a computer course. I went to the course that morning even though what I believed was going to happen was showing itself physically. As soon as I walked into the room where the course was taking place, the tutor spoke these words. 'Today we are going to learn about 'formatting'. I said to him 'What is formatting?'. He said 'Wiping all previous information from a disk.' I knew what was being spoken was from the Lord, and that is what He does with us as we renew our minds in Him. He is the most wonderful healer, above all others. God bless you.
I've walked that path, took me many years to cope with the damage done. But I did!, with God's help and Johnny's, who made me feel special, untouched, gorgeous, just the way I am. Miss him so much. You've created an awesome blog. A lot of people have a difficult time talking about their pain, sharing it. But I found that sharing it made it lighter- not less painful- just lighter, and it helped a lot of people who realized they can move on, can have a life, can be happy.
ReplyDeleteYou are a brave warrior.
ReplyDeleteI recognize the shame that abounds when this happens, and I hope that as you continue to work through healing, it will disappear completely.
ReplyDeleteHugs to you.
We are all a work in progress as for myself in this sexual area as well. Hugs JBR and keep pushing! ♥
ReplyDelete“The child could have told someone.” – This sounds easy but with all the fear filled in your heart and mind, no one can blame you or to other victims from keeping it to themselves. But in my opinion, this will only be possible if they know the right people to ask for help. Anyway, I’m glad that you never stop fighting and moving on to the right direction. I hope up to this day, you’ll continue to do the same.
ReplyDeleteVesta @ Zalkin.com