and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23
My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.
Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.
Daddy let me be secure in You only!
Wednesday, August 07, 2013
I still do not like talking about myself. It is ever so evident still especially in a group setting. Sure, I have improved from the little girl who was afraid to even open her mouth a few years ago.
I find myself continually hurrying through what I have to say. Even feeling in my brain the childness of my thoughts. If that makes any sense.
Obviously my belief system continues to some degree believing that I am not worthy of sharing personal experiences. That I have a voice and that I am important. The lies still creep in. I wonder at times if I am even making sense and if I come over as a bore. People will get tired of me. That is how I sensed my father was with me. Even into adulthood.
The other day there was an incident at work where one of my coworkers triggered something in me by her behavior and ridicule and smirkness towards me. That is what my father used to do to me. Making me feel worthless and unimportant and not giving me an opportunity to express my feelings. He would shut me down somehow by either telling me to be quiet or showing it in his demeanor towards me. I felt he was not genuinely concerned about me and what I had to say.
I am sure I project onto God. Of all Father figures. That I am not important to God. Probably why love is so hard for me to receive from my Heavenly Daddy.
I have to end on some kind of a postive note......(1) I have come a long way baby from just five years ago; and (2) a few years back I would not even be able to recognize this trigger from my coworker as a problem area in my past that needs healing.