Oh how I long to seek the Lord with all my heart. The longing to love Him and to feel His love fully. The longing to feel the joy He offers.
But, these have not come yet for me.
Sure I may get a glimpse here and there. A foretaste. But, I know there is soooooo much more. So much more He offers His children.
Knowing what I can have, but still out of my reach, hurts soooooo bad!!! I cannot tell you!!
Then I stop to think, is there something else He wants to show me? Show within me? Show who I really am? Show who I can be?
I feel at times I am too close to what God wants me to experience. But He holds off? Still having to dig some more gunk out. Fix some things. Let me complete more parts of my journey in order to be able to handle what He has in store for me. Destroying my idols, my fears that are blocking me from Him totally.
I know He is ready. He has always been ready. He has always been ready and available from the moment He formed me in my mother's womb. He knew from that time on how I would turn out. How I would desire to be in His presence. But, at the same time, knowing that I live in a fallen world, with sin abounding, that I too would succumb to its own pain. Still, He chose me. To be a follower of His.
Some times it is emotionally painful to want something sooooo very bad!!! But cannot have it just yet!!!
Lord, help me to feel what I just expressed to the deepest part of my being. As I continue with my healing, help me to move on out of my comfort zone towards more of You! At the same time let me be patient with the progress to intimacy with You.
Sometime it take a while to get our mind ready for what are heart is aching for. (((JBR)))
ReplyDeleteJBR first off thank you for your heartfelt honesty in your pain. Secondly, JBR be encouraged, no matter what negativity that may come your way. God has you. Hold to God’s unchanging hand. Last but, definitely not least, know within your heart that earth has NO sorrow that Heaven can't heal. May be hard for you to understand totally right now. He's your way maker, your heavy load bearer. He's your light in darkness. He's your Mother, Father and Brother. God's your all and your all even when you feel that you're alone and have nowhere to turn to but God. I know it may seem hard right now for you JBR. Wasn't planning on such a long post, but the spirit of God led me to share. God Bless.
ReplyDeleteOuch this hurts just reading this. Hope you find what you need in God.
ReplyDeleteYou expressed this beautifully, JBR. That yearning, I suffer it too. People claim that they can have complete joy here on earth but I'm not buying it. Our joy will only be complete in heaven.
ReplyDeleteI'm not saying there isn't joy and peace here on earth but my heart hungers for God more and more and will not be completely filled until I am with Him.
Hugs my friend!!
Mary
You desire such a wonderful thing, like Mary who sat at His feet instead of laboring Martha! Oh, how it pleased Jesus and how your desire pleases Him now. Bless you and may you receive the desire of your heart soon.
ReplyDeletesmiles. i pray you draw closer and closer to him every day...he is right there with you always in all things JBR....
ReplyDeleteI'VE NEVER SEEN MANY PEOPLE DESIRING TO BE IN GOD'S PRESENCE AS YOU. KEEP IT UP. I'M SURE HE WILL GRANT YOU YOUR DESIRE. WITH THAT KIND OF FAITH, WHY NOT.
ReplyDeleteI like that song. Its easier to udnerstand when the words are displayed as the music plays. Keeep keeping on JBR.
ReplyDeleteThis is a painfully beautiful and touching post dear JBR. I think your honesty will lead you to God's truth. Love Colleen
ReplyDeleteI am interested in starting a blog about sexual abuse. I read your bio and some of your posts and was impressed with my readings. Would you be so kind and respond to my email. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteI can relate to your post. I, too, am desperate for more of God. For more of an intimacy with Him than I ever have had. I still battle so many old strongholds from my past that keep me from receiving all He has for me. But I'm opening my hands wide to receive all He wants to give me which is great abundance. Praying for both of us.
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