I know God's desire is for me to enjoy my life despite my circumstances. Oh, this is so very hard. Especially when it comes to uncertainty.
I do not know what lies ahead for me in the next couple of weeks regarding my job. Trusting God in this situation is very hard for me. Not because I may be out of a job. No, there is even a deeper root of struggle for me. Pointing to the "real reason" of my discomfort.
Normally, if I was not on my journey to healing, this would be just another excuse to say, "that I am no good," "I am not worthy," and most importantly, "that I deserve whatever bad comes my way." But I am too far along on my journey to be honest and fully believe these lies now.
No, through this present trial, He is still working on getting to the "real reason" of cause of my concern. And it remains to be "what people will think of me?"
Why do I place such a high value on people's opinions of me? Do I want to still appear to be perfect? Do I crave to be liked so much? That nothing goes wrong in my life? That I am infallible? Why do I think so highly of myself that people will even care? They have their own worries and problems.
Being plagued by constant invading adverse thoughts is so draining. Playing havoc to my whole emotional and physical being. That have kept me in such deep bondage over the years. Here is where I have to really talk to myself and grab those old negative tapes that play over and over again in my stinkin' thinkin'. Detrimental tapes that I was brought up on by my parents and peers. Spewing lies "That I am no good." "That I am being laughed and made fun of."
So in my quest in accomplishing these hurdles of adverse thoughts, I need to understand and believe that not everyone "thinks" like I do. What I perceive people are thinking contrary about me, is NOT always the case. Sure some may. But not all. The world will still go on. Most people are self-centered and have their own worries and problems in their lives to even give me a glance.
My corrupt belief system has brought on such a private hell for me. Many times convincing myself just how bad I really am. How unworthy and unliked and undeserving I am. When in fact, and I am in still in the process of believing this, that I am none of these. Some people do like me. I am worthy and deserving. And most importantly I am forgiven and accepted by God.
JBR happy belated Merry Christmas. Hope you had a good one. I like your positive thinking here JBR. Despite all that is going on, you continue to seek the healing of your past. Always an encourager. God Bless.
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ReplyDeleteI too am to concerned with what other people think....but,am healing as you are from such thoughts,learning to change my thought patterns...realizing that what THEY think really has no impact on the person that I truly am....I am learning and trying my best to realize it only matters what God thinks of me and if I am in his will. And usually what I imagine others to think of me...is most likely not their thoughts at all but,only my own "stinking thinking" :) I pray you find much peace this New Year....Blessings
ReplyDeleteDear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when Christ appears,we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. All who have this hope in him purify themselves, just as he is pure. 1 John 3:2-3
Happy belated Merry Christmas!
ReplyDeleteThis is a hard time of year for many people. So many emotions whirling around. Through this journey of yours, and your gift for writing down what you are feeling, you are helping many people learn what is troubling them. You have helped me too. Deep feelings that are floating around that I haven't been able to put my finger on, have now been found out by reading your journey. Thank you JBR, you are being used by God.
Hugs,
<><
so much healing happening
ReplyDeletein and through you, sweet JBR!
Count me as one of those people
who likes you very much:)
-Jen