I had an interesting t. session tonight. I call these the 'on-the site' sessions. When something(s) happen that triggers you right in the session itself. Then you go from there and begin to challenge what the triggers brought up.
Do you ever find yourself saying "I feel invisible." That no one takes notice of you. Your husband, children, family, friends. Even God? I have. And unfortunately still do.
It is amazing how I have conjured up in my mind the lies my parents bestowed upon me growing up that "no one cares and no one even knows I exist." Mainly the non-verbal disapproval by my father and then the verbal disapproval by my mum. Especially when I did not live up to their expectations. Reprimanding me for making mistakes or doing something that was not my fault or intentional. Making me very suspicious of my own actions and perception of people. Condemning myself. I continue to meditate on Romans 8.
"Children should be seen and not heard," was one of my father's sayings in our house growing up. Many times I felt he was saying, "Children should Not be seen Nor heard." Giving me the impression that I was not important. Do NOT speak.
That is probably why I have so much difficulty in expressing myself with others. Convincing myself for so many years that "people are not interested with what I have to say or offer." Putting a lot of pressure on myself to "perform" well and be "perfect." By doing so only brings a tongued-tied JBR who totally says mumbo jumbo instead of what she wanted to say. Thus resulting in feeling inadequate and shameful.
I know deep deep down I am not invisible to God.
If I could just breathe and exhale the real me. And not continue to have a performance based life, and beat up on the little one when things do not go as planned, I am sure things would come more naturally for me.
I used to feel so invisible....not seen or heard but not anymore. It's a very painful way to live. Sending you tons of hugs. Be gentle with you....you so deserve that.
ReplyDeleteI have to remember it isn't personal. People are wrapped up in their own head and not paying attention. I realized not too long ago that I am only the star of my own show and I will never be the star of someone elses show.
ReplyDeleteI have to care about myself and no one can fill that hole for me. I a visible to God even if I am invisible to everyone else.
I spent my whole waiting to be noticed by the people that were suppose to love me and it never happened. I just wanted someone to say you matter to me. I had to matter to me before I could let that go. I have finally found peace.
We are equally important to God no matter who we are or what we have done. It is our lack of love for ourselves that keep us stuck forever.
I know what your talking about. I'm the same why. I want to impress. The love part or lack thereof for ourselves that the previous poster said is true. Hang tight JBR.
ReplyDeleteOur Dads must've gone to the same parenting school. "Seen & not heard" "Don't speak unless you're spoken to" and the ever popular "If you don't stop crying I'll give you something to cry about."
ReplyDeleteThank God we have a Father Who is PERFECT in Love...
Thanks for your post.
Hello jbr. Hope things are going nice for you. Came by for a visit. Trying to have a better new years resolution and follow through. That said, visiting blogs I like to read. I see you are still very real. That's what I like about you jbr. Have a great year.
ReplyDeleteJBR I've never liked that phrase that children should be seen and not heard either. I find it is offensive and an expression that has been around for years. It is often quoted as if it were a verse in the Bible, even by those who know it’s not Scripture. Makes me laugh. I can see how hearing this and having your parents show it can affect a little child. The point of the expression is well-intentioned, and is spoken as an attempt to subdue unruly children who are noisy and disruptive. But taken to an extreme, and applying the expression as a rule for all children at all times would be a departure from the norm of Scripture. The Bible teaches that God can and does communicate with children and He can and does work through children. In fact, in reference to godly children, the expression “Children should be heard and seen” is more biblical than the reverse! Somewhere in Samuel's life I remember a passage referring to him as a young child. I hope this helps you JBR. You're always on my mind. God Bless.
ReplyDeleteJBR IN READING OVER WHAT ONTHEWAYNOW SAYS THAT'S SO TRUE. NEVER PUTTING IN TO FOCUS HOW EASY MOTHERS AND FATHERS THROW AROUND THAT TERM AND PUT IT TO USE. NOT SEEING THE DAMAGE IT MAY CAUSE IN THE BIG SCHEME OF THINGS. I'M SORRY YOU WERE BROUGHT UP THIS WAY AND NEGLECTED.
ReplyDeleteNot invisable to God - now that is for real!
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel.. you're not invisible on here though.. thinking of you.. hugs
ReplyDeleteMy lift the same way my sister would make me feel lower than her and critizise me. I underrstand wehe your coming from JBR<>
ReplyDelete(((JBR)))...Hugs right back at you!!!God bless.
ReplyDeleteWow... what a post. My parents didn't 'indoctrinate' me the way yours did, but I am not sure I ever got the support that I could stand out.
ReplyDeleteWhen i became a father, I always told my kids that they have the ability to make a difference in Life. I haven't pushed them in any given career path, but I have asked them to "make a difference..."
Maybe what your Dad was telling you in a very convoluted way, is that there are so many people today, and it's difficult to be noticed.
I get 20 comments on a blog post and become elated. "20?' That's really not a lot, so maybe I'm not all that after all....
I think the message is to be "content." I even struggle at that...
Thank you for your message on my post...
~shoes~
It's very easy to fall into feeling invisible. I think that happened to me as a child and my husband continued to make me feel that way. I am a lot stronger than I use to be and I am not invisible, I see myself clearly in the mirror!
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