ADDENDUM

A few of you commented in my recent post just below this one about how positive I sound with the emotional pain I am experiencing. I thank you for taking notice.

I am certainly NOT one to write long posts as I really do not like to share much about myself (part of my healing is trying to change this), but I am afraid this post may be an exception. I think really deep down I am finding out one of my gifts is that of an encourager.

I feel really crappy, both physically and emotionally. I have a lot to process and will continue to do so, no doubt throughout my journey and t. sessions. In no way am I minimizing my emotional pain. As some of you, I have tons of baggage that needs to get lost at the never ending baggage claim terminal and never to be found again. In fact today while processing, I had to get alone with myself two times in one of my secrete hide-outs at work (there are many crevices in the building I work in that I discovered just for occasions like this, and it is not a stall in the bathroom) and talk not only to God but also to talk sense to myself. Literally speaking out loud (so my ears could hear and the truth could get inside) the Word of God as I was being bombarded by the enemy with thoughts of “how stupid I am, this is not going to work, you will always feel this pain in your gut, people will hurt you, you will never get well, and things will only get worse!” Whether I was successful in believing and convincing myself I am worthy, regardless I still needed to follow through and make the effort. In time I pray it will come easier for me as I become healthier in my thinking. So, even though I state I am trying to be positive, it is extremely hard at times for me! I am cautious to use the word “hopeful” at this point, as I continue to struggle with its definition. “Positive” seems more safe.

Well, I am about to close this post. It is not as long as I thought it would be, but then again, it is long for me. Thanks for taking the time to listen.