"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Friday, April 03, 2009


A few of you commented in my recent post just below this one about how positive I sound with the emotional pain I am experiencing. I thank you for taking notice.

I am certainly NOT one to write long posts as I really do not like to share much about myself (part of my healing is trying to change this), but I am afraid this post may be an exception. I think really deep down I am finding out one of my gifts is that of an encourager.

I feel really crappy, both physically and emotionally. I have a lot to process and will continue to do so, no doubt throughout my journey and t. sessions. In no way am I minimizing my emotional pain. As some of you, I have tons of baggage that needs to get lost at the never ending baggage claim terminal and never to be found again. In fact today while processing, I had to get alone with myself two times in one of my secrete hide-outs at work (there are many crevices in the building I work in that I discovered just for occasions like this, and it is not a stall in the bathroom) and talk not only to God but also to talk sense to myself. Literally speaking out loud (so my ears could hear and the truth could get inside) the Word of God as I was being bombarded by the enemy with thoughts of “how stupid I am, this is not going to work, you will always feel this pain in your gut, people will hurt you, you will never get well, and things will only get worse!” Whether I was successful in believing and convincing myself I am worthy, regardless I still needed to follow through and make the effort. In time I pray it will come easier for me as I become healthier in my thinking. So, even though I state I am trying to be positive, it is extremely hard at times for me! I am cautious to use the word “hopeful” at this point, as I continue to struggle with its definition. “Positive” seems more safe.

Well, I am about to close this post. It is not as long as I thought it would be, but then again, it is long for me. Thanks for taking the time to listen.


  1. Hey that is what we are here for,to support each other.

  2. I can understand the feeling crappy physically and mentally. Opening up can be very therapeutic. We're here to listen and support.

  3. Anonymous Drifter, thank you for understanding. I hope you too are doing better tonight!

  4. Hi again

    It's hard for me to be positive right now.

    The vet said my cat may have cancer and I'm stressing out.

    I want to be positive. I want to trust God with this but I can't.

    Much thanks for your honest posts. They help me to be more open too.

    God Bless


  5. Thank you Amber. Once again, I am truly sorry for what your are experiencing with you cat! You remain in my prayers! You are not alone!

  6. I agree that you are an encourager. Now may be a good time to try to use that gift on yourself. Try to be yyour own best friend. But not to worry if you can't. We are all here trying to encourage you!! Blessings. And thanks for encouraging me and visiting my blog!!

  7. Just your being here, and being "real" is GREAT encouragement for me and many others.

    And only those of us who have been there, have any idea where you "really are". And I believe that is more of us than not.

    This is the place for us to be, and God is here also, each day, with us, helping us to help one another. For is God not a part of each of us?

  8. I read your post with great empathy. Boy, have I been there; but, this is what I believe - "you are mindful, this is going to work, you won’t always feel this pain in your gut, people will help you, you will get well, and things will get better!"

    May the Lord richly bless you!

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  10. JIP-So very honored, thank you!
    Healandforgive-Thank you again for the visit! You are truly an encourgement, thank you!
    Colleen-Your words ring truth, thank you!
    Stevie, You are truly sweet and thoughtful, and I guess you figured out the laptop!

  11. I don't know your age, and I know little about you, but that will change as I continue to read here. One thing I do know -- God will not let you down. It is as simple as that. Hang in...people do care. Jamie

  12. Jamie, thank you for your post and encouragement!