"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Saturday, April 11, 2009


I guess I am gonna have some bad days huh?
Thank you all for your love and encouraging words for me!! Your thoughtfulness helped tremendously! You all are very special!

This latest realization for me as to how much I have “stuffed” my emotional feelings over the years and how deep it goes where the “true” pain has not even surfaced yet, is coming more and more to light! At this time, I just do not feel what I am suppose to, but I am told it is there and the evidence not only shows up in unresolved anger, but perception and how I deal with every day life, simple to difficult.

Did, what I call a few “mind walks” (something a bit different from my regular daily walks with God) lately. Used to do scenic “mind drives” but, I find I can concentrate more ‘safely’ walking than driving. Since I am struggling big time, I need to get my act together to at least function somewhat normally and rid at least some of the crappy guilt I am feeling and clear some of this stinking thinking! Glad I have these few days off from work to re-group. Even find myself, beside reading the Word, clutching the Bible close to me for comfort.

Anyway, on one of my recent “mind walks” I was focusing on how I would feel guilty by the way I would respond to something, especially when I was called on it. Like,” it was my fault, and I should not be thinking or feeling a particular way and to get over it and behave.” Even into adulthood. I have always accepted things that are in question that “it is my problem, I have the issues. I am the odd one out.”

But…….maybe I am not? Maybe my abusive childhood actually did screw up my thinking and my way of responding to different circumstances that come up in my daily life out of fear, guilt and shame!? Certainly continues to look this way, and each day I am seeing it more and more!


  1. Having an abusive childhood impacts so much of our thinking and the way we respond to life. Don't be hard on yourself and feel like things are your fault, that you shouldn't feel the way you do. In time things will all come together for you.

  2. ,” it was my fault, and I should not be thinking or feeling a particular way and to get over it and behave.” that is exactly how i always felt. now i do only sometimes, and sometimes not at all. keep on doing what you're doing, you WILL get through it.

  3. Hi again

    I'm with Shadow - I felt that way about so many things but, gradually, it gets better.

    Refresh your mind with positive messages - I use the Bible, an inspiring quote book and friends that I trust to help me.

    Walks are good too - particularly in pretty surroundings where you can admire God's creative hand.

    Be kind to yourself, love yourself, forgive yourself.

    I will continue my prayers for you.

    God Bless


  4. Please remember that there is a loving God watching over you and gently guiding you to health - mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual.

    That's not a tall order for God, but a tall one for us humans. Time takes time and if you will just take a deep breath, trust, and allow time to flow, the creator of all is also the great healer and will bring healing into your life.

    Happy Easter,
    Prayer Girl

  5. Prayer Girl - Thank you for the reminder that we do have a loving Father that does watch over us all and in time, as you state, the great Healer will bring healing.
    Amber-Yes the postive things of God need to be replaced with our stinking thinking indeed. Thank you for your continued prayers.
    Shadow-It is an encouragement to me that you struggle less with the "guilt" factor.
    AD-I know in a lot of us we are our worst enemy beating up on ourselves. That is such a toughie. Thanks for your encouragement!

  6. Surely being mistreat during childhood causes problems.
    Any kind of mistreatment.
    I know it because I was. I did psychoanalysis.
    It has helped me a lot but it seems that in US it's psychologist who are giving therapy.
    Take good care of yourself.
    Don't blame yourself for being sad.
    As you said you have already been through a lot and pretended nothing was happening.
    One day or another it appears.
    Take care.

  7. stuck-in-the-middleApril 11, 2009

    Glad to see you back. Happy Easter.

  8. Sorry you are struggling. It is so hard to break old patterns. Of all the negative emotions, for me, guilt is the toughest to deal with. I wish you success in your journey.

  9. I'm here and I'm reading...I wish I could do more right now...but it's dark here, and I don't do dark well.
    I can offer a (hug), though, and some Pellegrino water :-)
    ~ Grace

  10. Gracie, I am so very sorry that you are struggling a lot and that you find yourself in such a dark place. I know your present situation that you are going through with DT is very confusing and not pleasant at all. Sitting here with you ((((hugs)))
    tricia-Thank you for your encouraging words and visit!
    stuck-Happy Easter to you too.
    Ana-Yes the 'self blame' game is very hard to overcome. Thank you for sharing dear one!

  11. Hi,

    I am glad you feel a bit better and understand you have on going process to help yourself. Do not worry God loves you and will help you along this road you are now traveling on. Childhood has a lot to do with who we become and how we react to certain situations. Don't be hard on yourself. You will make it through :)

  12. Tabby, thank you again for your caring words. Means a lot to me to see what you have to share, thanks again!