"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Thursday, April 09, 2009


You know, some times I really, really, really, really hate to ‘be real.’

Life was so much simpler, just to deny and numb my feelings (stuffing and going off into a “la-la land of my choice in my head.”). Right now, all I know is that I would just love to go away indefinitely, be by myself (which I am pretty much a loner to begin with), and be totally oblivious and not feel, and not feel. Then again, it would not solve a thing. Maybe get some much more needed rest, but the crap I face now will still be there when I return. And I know I need to face my fears and pain of the past, but I honestly do not want to do it, and in the same breath I know I must!


  1. So this a bad day. *Hugs*

    I'm sorry.


  2. Until I met you, I had not realized how much I really, really, really, really LOVE being real! And I have been 'real' for a Blong time. It IS not always fun, mind you, but it is such a release
    that the sometimes pain is well worth it.

    May God allow that you find this to be true with yourself also, in time....in time.
    Steve E.

  3. God uses you to inspire me to continue going for it...it being fully recovered. Thank you so much for keeping it real. ((((Hugs))))

  4. Can I sit next to you? I have no words of wisdom to offer...I am so struggling right now with feelings of fear and abandonment...but I like *being* with you~ in the *virtual* way. And every morning for the past few days, when I turn on my computer and I see you have left me a comment, an encouraging word, it brightens my day, and I feel a little less alone....
    So I'd just like to sit next to you, maybe have some coffee and/or tea. Perhaps shed a few tears (I know I feel like crying right now).
    But I think we would both feel some *survivor support* and not so alone....
    safe (hug) if okay....
    ~ Gracie

  5. sweetie...we, the abused ones, all hate being real sometimes. you give me so much hope! you are inspiring to us. we love getting you emails in the morning. keep you chin up...you are loved.

  6. you're talking about my age-old escape route... and in the long run, it doesn't work. you'll find the way. you will!

  7. stuck-in-the-middleApril 10, 2009

    I am sorry your not doing good. I hope and pray you will get through what ever you are going through

  8. May God be with you in your distress.

    You are such an encouragement, and an encourager, of so many people, including me.

    You have a lovely, warm heart and your Heavenly Father loves you very much.

    Please know that I am praying for you and hoping that these feelings can be dealt with without overpowering you.

    May God Bless You


  9. I wish I knew what to say to help you feel better but words escape me. Just know that I care and I'm listening.

  10. So sorry to hear you are not doing so well--and hopefully that will pass quickly (one thing I HAVE learned is that things always change if I stick around!).

    I have tried the geographical change many times in my life (believe me!) and as you said, wherever you go, there YOU are and you still have to deal with the same crap--just in a different location!

    I wish you peace and happiness. Be gentle with yourself--as you are truly your own best friend.


  11. I am sorry to hear you are having a bad day :( It is easier to fake everything is alright and all those bad things did not happen. You are on the right road accepting things that happened to you, it will be a long slow process but you can do it. Some days you need time for just you with out thinking.

    Wishing you peace

  12. I can so totally relate to what you're talking about. I'm sorry it's so painful and hard. I'm really struggling with Easter right now. Really "feeling the feelings." Oh, goody! Lots of grieving going on.

    Take gentle care. ((((((((Safe Hugs))))))))

  13. Oh sister, I am so with you on this one. I have felt that way. It fascinates me to think who I was before. I know who I am now. I would be lying if I told you it was all chocolate candy and flowers. This is what makes you strong. You are going to get through this with Jesus's help and all these awesome people who comment to you. They love you and they are rootin for ya. I hope you get some rest this weekend and I will be praying for you. Big Bear hug for you, Love Tanya

  14. Dear Just Be Real,
    I think that one of the best things that has happened to me being sober over a long number of years is that I am finally "real" and today, I want to be "real" even when it hurts.

    My first name used to be fear and my middle name was RUN. I always wanted to run from reality, but that made me sicker and far worse than any reality could ever be.

    Today, when I feel that desire to RUN which I sometimes do, I take ACTION, PRONTO! I call my sponsor, get to a meeting, read my affirmations, get with a sponsee, whatever.....get out of myself.

    It works. Your desire to run will pass. I believe that.

    Prayer Girl

  15. You kind of described what I call my "runaway syndrome". I hear ya. I do.

  16. understanding painful moments days and years its ok to feel shit about stuff in life

  17. You All Are So Very Special, thank you!

  18. Hang in there o.k.! We're with you.

  19. Faith, thank you for your comment!