"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009


I feel such a longing for the need of God’s presence and love in my life. I feel very low and unsettled today. I am sure the absence I feel for Him, stems from my childhood where my parents, in particular, my father not being there for me 100%. This is all new territory for me, uncharted waters to comprehend and even take notice in this stage of my life. Never really giving thought to it until recently, many years later. Talk about stuffing things. I am certainly learning that in my formative years if my parents were not there all of the time for me, nurturing, I shut down, along with the anger, fear, lonliness which I carried over and projected onto God. There is such a longing for my Creator to be restored back in my heart.

“I hurt.”


  1. JBR, sometimes I think I couldnt feel any more low, still it happens. These first times low really hit me hard. So sorry for you feeling so low, lonely, longing. As long as you are there, as long as you are around, breathe, you wont be alone, not left by him. I am sorry for my humble way of expressing this, being pagan at heart I connect differently to my higher power. However I do know we are not alone, not here in the virtual world, nor in the physical world and for sure not in our spiritual world. The spiritual flow might be disturbed, you may not see it - BUT IT IS THERE. Love, Paula

  2. stuck-in-the-middleMay 13, 2009

    JBR sorry you are experiencing such dispare. (((JBR)))

  3. I experience this myself JBR, a desire to feel more connected to God. It's hard for me.

  4. AnonymousMay 13, 2009

    HEBREWS 13:5 Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have:for he hath said; I will never thee,nor forsake thee.God Bless You

  5. When I was young my parents rarely held me because the pediatrician told them it would spoil me. Also, my mother didn't really want a child and resented me. I have a very difficult time connecting to people in a healthy way. I hope you will feel better and more connection to yourself and your spirituality.

  6. AnonymousMay 13, 2009

    Dear Abba,

    Please hold this little one in your arms of love. ((((JBR))) Please help her sense your presence in her pain. I pray for angels to surround Her with Your peace and comfort.

    Blessings and Lots of Hugs,


  7. Thinking of you. "hugs"

  8. ...the same happened to me. for the same reason.

  9. Thanks for sharing the rawness of your feelings and heart. It's always good to know and read about others that suffer and then look to God for their answers.

    Peter gave me your blog information to visit but I was a little scared at first to leave a message. I don't know why. Maybe because reading what you share brings me back to some of what I also suffered, which is hard to do. I read your posting about 'treading'(sp) water and loved the example of what the post describes.

    I also love that 'Escape' button running off the keyboard....that (though so heartfelt) gave me a good chuckle. I knew just how, by looking at that simple little keyboard key running with little stick legs, felt and I chuckled and at the same time started to cry; just a bit, nothing like sobbing. Would you mind if I borrowed that photo image of yours for my blog under the 'testimony' tab of my blog? If not I certainly understand.

    There's a lot of things (before I became a Christian) that I hated when I heard followers of Christ preach; things like 'love your neigbor as yourself'....this never worked for me because for so long I hated myself, so did this mean to hate my neighbor since I hated myself? I was in grade school when that preacher had a skit for our school and then spoke afterward inviting others to ask Jesus in their heart. I mean for me, I was thinking, 'Yeah, right, like I'm going to publicly announce in front of all my classmates that I'll do such a thing!!!'

    From a hurting persons perspective we can see the other side of what may or may not work for some and learn or least become sensitive to this. I wish I knew more about you; your age, photo, other information, or email address, but I understand your privacy and I respect this.

    However if you do decided to supply me with your email or other info you can do so privately by visiting my blog and going to the 'Contact Us' tab and giving it there. However, again, I understand if this is not something you desire to do. It doesn't matter either way.

    Your blog is your way of expressing yourself and even part of your healing so I'm happy just to read along.

    I like your playlist music. For once I know 90% of the songs. LOL. I really like the song 'Testify To Love', though I've never heard it sung by Judd. Sounds nice though. I also never heard the song 'Orphans of God', love those words!!!

    With your post today there is a song that I know that describes what you are sharing, but I can't recall the name now. However I'll ask my sister because she 'took' to this song and lyrics for a long time so she'll know. She's working today but when I get in touch with her I'll ask her the name. You may already know it, but just in case I'll send you a comment message on the lyrics.

    Thinking of you,
    ~Sarah Cecili

  10. JBR I do hope and pray that you find your place with your God that he brings you closer to himself during this trial you are experiencing. I'm sorry for your pain.

  11. Just Be Real, Our emotions shut down when they are not nurtured in the proper way during those formative years. For me, part of the healing process involved allowing myself to feel that pain I had shunned for most of my childhood--to acknowledge its presence and then I could let it go.

    Healing is hard--but the journey is so worth it--I wish you peace, light, and happiness.

    Take care,


  12. Your pain will pass. I can so relate, especially when I was going through a nasty divorce feeling the abandonment part of it. Hang in there.

  13. JeannineMay 13, 2009

    Just Be REal you are doing fine. Keep on keeping on.

  14. Hang in there,he is with you even if you cannot feel it.[[[[[BIG HUG]]]]Great music by the way.

  15. "Thou will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee" Where can you go to find God's presence? In His Word. That's where you will find Him. His words are Life and speak Life to us as we read them.

    Blessings dear one, God loves you very much.

  16. I'm so sorry you're in pain...it's so HARD!! all the time! I'm so very sorry.... Hang in there.
    I'll sit with ya if you want!
    ~ Grace

  17. AnonymousMay 13, 2009

    I'm so sorry you are in such pain. I hope this is a short lived feeling and you will find the peace you seek.

  18. These times come even to saints. I've read several books about Mother Theresa and she suffered too - feeling separated from God.

    Just keep - "keepin' on".

    All will be well.

    Prayer Girl

  19. Hello,
    Just want you to know that God can use the worst in us or the worst that has happened to us, to turn our lives around. The best is yet to come - believe it. I believe that life's trials and pain takes us way beyond child-like happiness (simple & carefree) to a place of deep mature joy (feeling peace & happiness even though the road has been long). Hang in there.

  20. I wish I could stop that hurt!