"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009


Again, I want to extend a big “THANK YOU” to all of you who have been so kind and gracious with your words and loving support!!!!

So as my previous posts have alluded to, I have been struggling big time these past few days with emotional pains so deep sometimes I do not want to continue. Through the muck, all kinds of emotions are now surfacing. According to my t. it is like a volcano starting to erupt. And spewing from the center of my core which was penetrated a couple of weeks back in t. are ‘a little bit of’ giddiness/happiness (something I long for to return), then the usual ‘lot-a-bit of’ anger (have to continue to work on that one) and now my new one of ‘waves of grief’ which overflow into ‘waves of sadness.’

How ironic is this… Just now as I concluded typing the sentence above, a ‘wave of grief’ overcame me and I had to stop and let it happen with brief tears. Talk about being in the moment! Thank God they are just waves and not a raging sea! However, some waves are larger than others and at times I feel I could be swallowed up and taken under. But, then I know my God, and He is right there along side of me through my journey reaching down many a time bringing me back up to the surface to ‘the air I breathe!’


  1. stuck-in-the-middleMay 19, 2009

    You are doing great JBR. (((JBR))) I'm encouraging you all the way.

  2. I can hear your heart speak in this post. I want to remind you that God is closer to you than your own skin right now. He knows your pain and He knows how He will lead you to the other side of it. He will lead you to the other side! Trust Him and try to rest. I will be praying for you. God bless you.

  3. This is scary to read what you are going throug as I'm sure the pain your experiencing is sincere to get where you want to go. I find myself crying alot to when I encounter past issues. Crying is a cleansing tool and helps me to cope sometimes with every day life. I'm sure you will get there. Be strong.

  4. I must say reading your post brings me back to what waves represent in my next book. I talk in depth in my next book about how not allowing to be pulled beneath the waves that could easily drown me in pain and denial but instead fight the rough current to survive which is what I did.
    Beautiful post!

  5. JBR, these waves can be so frightening - your post reminds me ever so strongly how much I feared mine, thinking I would drown. However humble - we are the best surfers in the world!!!
    I am 6h ahead of you, which means for you sure that at any age you are 6h younger ;-) ;-) Big hug. I am thinking of you

  6. Thinking of you. Be strong.

  7. Karen - Thank you so much for thinking of me and the encouragement!

    Paula - Awww, thank you dear. Yes, we are great surfers and we have a great Surfer to help us along too!

    Erin - What a delight for you to stop by and leave a comment. You are truly an inspiration and I admire the work you are doing for us all. Blessings!

    Strawberry - I am sorry for the fear you carry but also glad you are able to shed those tears to clean house.

    Khris - Appreciate your prayers and visit and thank you for the wonderful reminder of our Lord being closer than our own skin!

    stuck - You are too good, thank you!

  8. AnonymousMay 20, 2009

    Oh Big (((Hugs))). I know it's hard, but you're doing the right thing, living in the moment of your emotions. In the end that will only help you. Wear those emotions on your sleeve. Don't bottle them up. If you need to cry, cry, if you need to scream, scream.

  9. Lifting you up in prayers.

  10. Rcubes-Greatly thankful for your prayers!!

    Yaya-Love them hugs, thanks! I appreciate your support. I cannot tell you how now it is hard to stuff the emotions that come out of me....they just do. Surprises me at times!

  11. JBR - I have been where you are. It was a long time ago and I remember wanting to run, escape, whatever, but I knew that if I did, I would drink again and then die.

    With the loving support and guidance of a counselor, a sponsor, friends in AA, and my God, I got through 'all of it'. It was not a quick trip, but the more I opened the valve on the pressure cooker my feelings had been stuffed in all my life and let it out, the better I eventually felt. Progress was slow, BUT there was progress. Don't give up. I promise if you keep moving forward, it will get better.

    Love and prayers,
    Prayer Girl

  12. AnonymousMay 20, 2009

    I know this terrible place you write about. I was there a few months ago. I wish you a safe journey.

  13. Hold on, hang in, endure. it is what makes us all so very special in our own ways!

    Wishing you well.

  14. In reading your post, I was immediately given the thought of "Sometimes HE calms the storm, and sometimes HE calms the child." - Allow His loving arms around you - and let the wind blow. You are in my prayers...

  15. Cat - Thank you very much. Am 'hanging in there.'

    tricia - Sorry that you had to endure your time of struggle. Glad you are okay.

    Prayer Girl - Always good to hear your encouragment, thank you. Wanting to 'run' is a big thing for me, especially when I get the 'bad waves of despair.' Ugh!

  16. Michele, love that. I have seen that saying before, and it is precious. Thank you for this timely reminder!!!!

  17. Hi,

    Well once the waves of lava (or pain should we say) are finally done coming out lets hope for some well deserved peace for you. You will get there in time you come further every day.

  18. as the waves of pain subside you will be find,it is with God's help that we get through the things that trouble us.

  19. If you get a chance stop over and see what I posted for you!

  20. Mike-God is my sustainer!
    Mike you are too funny with the video on your blog. Quite different in context. Brought back 60's flashback though. Thanks for thinking of me.

    Tabby-Each day is a victory! Thank you Tabs.

  21. Surfacing emotions can sometimes feel like suffocating emotions and it takes everything you have to trust Him for the 'air I breathe'. that's a beautiful song, and now in the context of your blog it will always remind me He's there to save me from drowing when I feel pushed under by those emotions.
    sitting in the dark with you,

  22. L-Thank you ~L~ for your visit and comment. Blessings.