"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Wednesday, May 27, 2009


I hate change! Who doesn’t? During my journey, it is inevitable. If I want to get well, there will have to be changes made in my life! Something extremely hard when I have been living this way most of my life. I have been so comfortable in my misery. As sick as that statement sounds, this is how a lot of us feel if we are truly honest!! Still, I KNOW I cannot live there anymore. That is why I began my journey to ultimate freedom!! Along with God, I know I have to trust “trusting” people in my life to point out things I do not always see because of my distorted perception. This has been so true in my journey. Things I have said or thought, which seem so natural to me, have been questioned by very trusting individual(s) and shown to me in a loving way that my thinking is not always what it seems. Something I had to get used to, and really in essence trust someone else than myself when it comes to my 'stinking thinkin'. It is not easy. Seeing clearly daily is a chore, but a must needed one. I have to be reminded also my feelings are valid and not down-play them and to always know, as hard as it may be, God will NOT abandon me.

God leads blind people along unfamiliar paths. God promises to make rough places smooth for sightless and disoriented people. God will not forsake them.

During recovery we often feel sightless and disoriented. Our abilities to see clearly are often very limited - we don't have enough distance on things to give proper perspective. Denial leaves us blind. Rejected emotions and ignored human needs can also contribute to spiritual and psychological blindness.

So many things in recovery are unfamiliar to us. We are not accustomed to feeling what we feel, to talking about our experiences, or to trusting other people. Honesty is new territory for us. All of this is not only unfamiliar territory, it is scary territory as well.

But it is exactly to people like us that God makes promises. God makes promises to sightless and disoriented people. God will guide. God will give light. God will smooth the rough places. God will not abandon.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan


  1. AnonymousMay 27, 2009

    I think trusting is one of the hardest things. I understand so well your statement about being comfortable in your misery. It seems no matter how miserable we may be it is far easier to stay there than do the work it takes to move to a better place.

  2. Much wisdom in this post. All of us need a fresh perspective at times. And you're right, we feel "comfy" in a place of familiarity -- even if it is unhealthy. Amazing isn't it?

    I am so proud of you for pressing OUT and escaping the perspective you've used throughout your life. It isn't easy, but necessary ... change is necessary in our lives.

    Keep going. It sounds like you're headed in the right direction. :o)

    God bless you!

  3. Beth and Tricia-Hi! Glad that you both recognize the comfyness in unhealthiness. A lot of people do not see this. Thank you both for your encouraging "push." Blessings.

  4. Great post JBR. It's true, we become accustomed to our misery and seem to become stuck. It takes work to free ourselves from this place.

  5. Reading your post, the "Serenity Prayer" comes to mind immediately:

    "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference."
    I think we are all afraid of any change because it takes us away from our comfort zones and like what you wrote, we are unfamiliar with new things. It's great if we truly trust in Him and not on our own understanding and He will surely direct our paths. [Proverbs 3:5,6].
    To be honest is anothing thing and that's what's important is for us to be real so we can accept these changes, fail or not! God bless you.

  6. from this post, i can see you understand the need, have the will and will go about changing what you need to change. easy? never. but you're ready, easy does it, one step at a time...

  7. I'm so the oppossite I absolutely love change . I love how we don't stay stuck in one way , place , time , thing . Conversion means change and I love conversion . I love the cycle of life forever changing and ongoing . I am so glad not to stay in behaviours that kept me stuck . Yes change can be hard , it can hurt , healing is not always going to feel good is what my wise spiritual director said to me . It is true . Think of a scraped knee as a kid , or a bad tooth before surgery . it does hurt to achive healing much of the time .
    Iam an optomist most of the time and I just cannot stay stuck if I am stuck there is always a way out and that usually comes from making some type of a chnage be it stuck in rut from making the same old for supper and trying something new to feeling a victimized by others . I need to be bale to look at myself and see how am I responding . how should I respond etc.
    there are also things in life that involve change that are not painful look at the sun from sunup to sunset , look at a flower from bud to bloom , a life yours and mine from conception to birth . beautiful change .
    Change is growth we all know in order to grow it can hurt sometimes . It is just life a part of it .I guess I just take it for what it is and I love that my life is forever changing .

  8. little sparrow, etc.-Certainly wonderful that you are so very positve and your can adapt to change 'without' problem.

    Shadow-Thank you dear for the encouraging words!

    RCUBEs-Appreciate the scripture verse and encouragment. Thanks!

    AD-Amen to that, thank you.

  9. JBR, I really do think it is important to have those trusted friends/advisors in our lives. While we are on a journey of healing, we often have misperceptions about what we have done (or are doing) and it is so helpful to have objective people point out some of those misperceptions. Trust is a wonderful thing--and having people in your life that you can *truly* trust is such a wonderful gift. I'm so glad you have those in your life who you can turn to with that trust.

    Take care,


  10. Melinda-Always good to see you here dear. Thank you for the visit and thank you for your wise words. Much appreciated!

  11. Change is painful sort of like a growing pain. Be still and know that He is God.

  12. thank you for this. "So many things in recovery are unfamiliar to us. We are not accustomed to feeling what we feel, to talking about our experiences, or to trusting other people. Honesty is new territory for us. All of this is not only unfamiliar territory, it is scary territory as well."

    so beautifully put. thank you for your love and support, thanks for checking on me. hugs.

    hope you are doing well. Change is painful. I think a great deal is changing in all of us. hope and healing...♥

  13. Amen...keep remembering GOD will NEVER abandon you. He is there with you every step of the way.
    Blessings and prayers, andrea

  14. Andrea-Appreciate your prayers, and am working on that God will never leave nor forsake me!

    Mile-So nice for all of you to visit! Dear ones, I certainly understand where you all are coming from. I know the trust factor is so very hard and certainly very scary. Just by all of you sharing, it is a step in the right direction and you stating that change is happening in "all of you." Thank you for the hugs.

    T.Anne-Quite agree, change can and at times be very painful. Yes, know that He is God!

  15. Jst stopped by to say Hi.

  16. stuck-in-the-middleMay 27, 2009

    I think trust can be hard for just about anybody.. Praying for you JBR.

  17. I am so glad that I found your blog! I can completely relate with you my friend. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and rape. I have been on a road of recovery forEVER it seems. I know that in my very dark years I have had horrible trust issues. I took many chances and people have failed me so. I am so THRILLED that you haven't lost your faith. It is my ONLY saving grace and the ONLY reason why I am still here.

    God BLESS!! ((hugs my sister!!))

  18. SAHM-Thank you so much for your visit. I am so very sorry that you were raped and sexually abused as a child and lost the trust factor. Glad that you hang on to faith dear one to get you through. Blessings to you.....(((safe hugs)))

    stuck-Prayers are appreciated, thank you.

    Mike-Glad you stopped on by!!

  19. I can understand how you feel. Thank God HE covers us. HE continually cares and watches for HIS children.
    My childhood was not a nice one. I accepted Christ as my Savior at the age of 11 years old. If I did not come to the Father; I could not bear this life. Keeping you in my prayers.

  20. Seeking-Bren, thank you for the visit. Glad you find the comfort in our Lord to help you daily. Sorry your childhood was not a good one. Appreciate your prayers!

  21. Trusting has been around since the Garden of Eden and look what happened. Seriously trust is hard and we can only hope for the best in people and turn to the ones that we can truly trust. God is the ultimate one to trust.

  22. Thank you for your visit Strawberry. Yes, God is the one that will never let us down, no matter what---just need to believe it in our hearts and not head-knowledge!!!

  23. "I hate change!...I have been so comfortable in my misery."

    There is an entry in my diary where I wrote that although I wanted to be healed from depression, I did not want it to happen too quickly, as I did not think I could handle it. I had become so accustomed to being depressed that I could not imagine being any other way, and I was frightened by the thought of rapid change.

    The change and healing did come, and having to face the fears that terrified me hurt, but face them I did, and through Christ's strength I was eventually able to overcome them. Thankfully, this change and healing did come slowly. God knows we are but dust, and Jesus will not break a bruised reed or snuff out a smouldering wick.

    'stinking thinkin' - I love that description. I used to call my fearful thoughts "sticky thoughts," and thought of my mind as a mindfield. My perspective was warped and it was so hard to see things rationally. Getting a fresh perspective from a mature Christian can be so valuable in such times.

  24. Peter, seems we not only have similarities in change along with terminology with 'stinking thinking" "sticky thoughts." Thank you for your insights and needing a clear perspective among others who see more clearly.

  25. The journey to "being real" is worth whatever pain, chaos in my mind, or disturbances necessary.

    Despite all these difficult feelings and circumstances, things continue to get better ..... that's why I stay on this journey to mental, emotional, and spiritual health.


  26. Little to do with the true meaning of your blog...but...my father (sightless) said many time, "God takes care of blind people and drunks."

    Ah! Little did he know about his son--me.

  27. PG and Stevie - First off, Happy 18th Anniversary! Thank you always for your prayers and encouragement.