"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Saturday, May 02, 2009


All my life, even as a professing Christian, my happiness would be founded on circumstances. God would be put in there somewhere conveniently, but not whole-heartedly. Even though happiness has been far and few in-between for most of my life, to now know my healing will require me to do a complete ‘360’ and apply a 100% trust factor in God scares the **** out of me! More new territory for me to deal with. I feel I am treading water in rough seas taking in water, gasping for air as I try to stay afloat of my own accord. Believe it or not, just that statement I made now is so ‘surface.’ Not real. Sure I can say I am treading water just to stay afloat and sound so poetic, but in actuality I am sitting in my own little world, as early in the morning as it is here, reacting to the gut-wrenching pangs of unhappiness along with frustrating anger as I write this post deep down inside because I just do not like what is happening around me. The emotions I do not know if I can trust and the thinking I do not know if I can trust. Wa-la – circumstances dictate and thus "I am not content in my moment.” Certainly I am aware my past plays into this stinking thinking and being content in my moment ‘one day’ will take time…… a lot of time…….

With that being said…..there is an “up-side.” Not going all gloom and doom here!! Tired of that also! The “other inspiring Truth” comes into play. A Goal. A Hope. A Glorious Future! The hope of one day my happiness will be grounded totally in God! This is what I hold on to. This is what my blog is about. This is what I hope I come over as!

Excerpts from The Life Recovery Bible:

It is not uncommon to link our perceptions about God to our childhood experiences with people who played powerful roles in our life. If we have been victimized in the past by people who were capricious, abusive, distant, uncaring, or incompetent, we may now anticipate these qualities in God.
Just because God is a power greater than we are and the people who victimized us represented a power greater than we were, we must not conclude that God will harm us if we entrust our life to him.

God says, “I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.” Hebrews 13:5


  1. What a courageous woman you are. You are going through alot in your life. Its exciting to see that God plays a important part in your life to get better. All the best.

  2. "If we have been victimized in the past by people who were capricious, abusive, distant, uncaring, or incompetent, we may now anticipate these qualities in God."

    I can't tell you how many times I have struggled with this. "Where was God? Why didn't he help me? Why did he let all of it happen?"

    And I still have no answers...it is a constant struggle for me...
    I admire your strength and courage my friend ~ for your faith and your trust in him.

    I hope today is a better day for you.
    ~ Grace

  3. Grace-I feel your pain dear one. I do not have an answer for you as to "Why God lets certain things happen to us?" All I can say, which helps me along in my journey is that Jesus did not entrust Himself to men as he knew what evil was in their hearts. Jesus turned His life over to the Lord. We who struggle with past abuse, comprehsion is hard to come by. And still for us to get better we cannot let the pain of our past keep us from ever trusting again. Dear one, we may never know why we went through what we did here on this earth. But God is not a liar and nothing gets past Him and He hurts right along with us! Hard, hard and more hard to comprehend, I know. I hope I just did not babble on.

    Jeannine-Thank you for your visit and kind remarks. Blessings!

  4. it is hard to trust. it is worthwhile too.

  5. Hang on to that Hope! That excerpt was right on the spot, it shows how because you where victimized it can be hard to put you total trust in God; or anyone for that matter.

  6. stuck-in-the-middleMay 02, 2009

    Hang in there JBR. You aer doing great!

  7. Stuck-Thanks for the encouraging words.

    Tabby-Hanging!!! :)

  8. Staying a - float is a hard thing to do when we are facing so many trials. Your faith is strong and is there to help bring you through. Hang in there.

  9. You are in a place that I was for so long. It took me a long time to do that turn around. Not only to trust fully on God. It is hard giving up ones own power. The reality is it is Empowering when you put all your trust in God. He then becomes part of you... YOU and GOD bonded, therefore you become stronger. It took me so long to see that... To truly understand. I got there though, and each day i need to remember God has me with him always.