"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Monday, May 11, 2009


A continuous battle for me and today is no different! For the most part for all of us if we are "real" unless you have conqured this area in your life, then great!!

How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
Psalm 13:1-2

Sometimes our spiritual distress is centered on questions about God. Where is God? Why doesn't God help? At other times our spiritual distress is centered on questions about ourselves. What is wrong with me? How come I'm still struggling this much?

Doubts about ourselves can be profoundly troubling. We wonder if our faith will survive the struggle. We wonder if our faith is strong enough. Often we feel like spiritual failures. The kind of spirituality we have been taught does not envision 'good' Christians as people who wrestle with their thoughts and are sad everyday. We think of 'good' Christians as people who trust God and manage to smile in the midst of any circumstances. When we can't manage to do this, we question and criticize ourselves.

But wrestling with our thoughts and experiencing sorrow day after day is often a part of the recovery process. It is not a sign of failure to engage in this hard work. It is a sign of courage. And it is a sign that our faith is alive and struggling. People of real faith struggle in life. People of real faith are people who wrestle with thoughts and who feel sorrow in their heart.

Lord, I get so tired of thought-wrestling.
And I am so weary of heart-sorrow.
How long, Lord?
How long does this wrestling and sorrow go on?

Help me, Lord, not to experience this struggle as spiritual failure.
Help me to see this hard work as drawing me closer to you.
Remind me today that you are with me in all of this.
Remind me today that you understand.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan


  1. I don't know what to say JBR other than I think you are a good Christian. Throughout all your struggles you still search for a close communion with God.

  2. stuck-in-the-middleMay 11, 2009

    I know I have problems in this area also.  Hang in there JBR.

  3. Count this joy when you are failing into various trails. Bear in mind that the Change does not cause the pain, but the resistance to the change cause the pain.
    Trust the above is of help to you.

    Grace and peace to you,

  4. "A continuous battle for me and today is no different! For the most part for all of us if we are "real" unless you have conqured this area in your life, then great!!"

    JBT, I only copy your quote, so I can remember where I am in commenting--"And we (I) have ceased fighting anything or anyone even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned." (That is from book Alcoholics Anonymous.)

    And JBR, I HAVE conquered ALMOST everything which could bother me, with God's Help! And that, only on a daily basis, contingent on the MAINTEMANCE of my pritual condition.

    I am not here to brag, because it (sobriety, peace, and serenity) is certainly not something I've earned. Just that I've given up the struggle. And I AM here to tell you, it CAN be done. Just unfurl those eyebrows, relax, and (right now) let God's healing grace, His Great Calmness, His Love of all things...let all this enter you, even if only for a moment. You are loved by many, including ME!

  5. I echo Steve E.'s comment in the last paragraph.
    by the way,the super blogger award I have is yours as well.

  6. you know am not good about religion...but wish you all the best with your struggle. hugs to you

  7. One day there will be comfort from the struggles

  8. wrestling is doing is moving is good...

  9. I do consider wrestling with my thoughts as a strength, i.e. 3rd paragraph. Even though I am headed in the right direction, it is still a struggle regardless, but a positive one as I daily battle my mindset to FREEDOM! Still it is a scary journey of the unknown……for now……and for only now, until I get over the major hurdle of fear!!

    Mike-Thank you for your comments and award gift.

    Stevie-Appreciate what you said.

    James-Thank you! I certainly do know resistances does not help any. Once I let my defenses down and move on, things will be so much easier. Cannot say that I am there yet, but closer than where I once was!!! Amen.

    stuck-Thank you.

    AD-You are very sweet, thank you.

    Eve Marie-Yes, there will be and even during! Thanks for sharing.

    Rainbow-((((safe hugs)))) to you dear one. Thanks for commenting!!

    Shadow-Yes, is good, is very very good! :)

  10. Wow, thanks. This is just what I needed to read today. After posting my thoughts on melancholy. I have missed you. I have been out for a week, so this treat to catch up with you is much appreciated. thanks for everything, and for being real...



  11. My dear Mile, so glad that you posted here. I too truly miss your blog when you are away!!! ***goes over to check out the latest****

  12. hey...thanks so much. i miss you too. i should have said that i would be out for a bit. i think that i will be here to blog for the month, until the kids are out of school, then it is harder to sit here all day...he he....i will just have to sit here all night. thanks for the comment, and for noticing that i am back, i am feeling down today, but it was nice to hear from you...thanks.

    mile 191

  13. Just Be Real it is very encouraging that you see fit to stay with the program. Your mind may be saying to run away, but if you keep focus and let time heal, you will get there. It doesn't happen over night. Took you awhile to get where you are now. Just keep it real, Just Be Real.

  14. I'm not religious but I feel you with the struggle to have faith in yourself. I often find the Inner Critic demanding "Just who do you think you are to believe that you deserve any kind of positive recognition or respect?" With all the hate I have encountered in my life, my own inner critic is the most hateful of all.

  15. Came for another round of visits. Wrestling throughts and putting them to rest is a very hard thing to do. I am sure that it is a struggle. Keep on keeping on.

  16. Wrestling...YES! Yes! Yes! Wrestling, fighting, winning, losing, struggling, triumphing...Yes! That explains the life of a survivor, huh?
    You are 'real' and your realness inspires me!
    I'm inspired tonight....
    Thank you ~ Grace

  17. And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose

  18. "What we think or what we know
    or what we believe is, in the
    end, of little consequence.
    The only consequence is what we do"
    Picked this up this morning and it seem apt for you today. Just know that you are loved and that you are not alone, and this too will pass.
    All cliches, but relevant.

  19. Tola-Appreciate the scripture verses from Romans, thank you and powerful!

    Grace-Really, really good to see from you dear one! Glad you were inspired! Hold on dear one!

    DeeDee-Grateful for your visit once again and encouragement. Thanks.

    Lily Strange-Precious one, I am truly sadden by the pain you went through and continue to. Thank you for sharing and still being an encouragement!

    JIP-So glad to see you dear! Yes, food for thought, to ponder and to digest. :)

    Janet-Much obliged for your comment! I am in my journey for the long run. I do not make light of this, as scared as I am, with the help of my God there will be a break through one day!

    Mile-Thank you again dear for who you are also.....real!

    Karen-I value your hugs and support dear one, thank you!!

  20. Hi

    I do not think anybody can just walk around smiling even when bad stuff is going on, even if your a good Christian or not. I like to think as myself as a good Christian, but I could be better...lol I have up and down days like everyone else it is just life. I know you are in recovery from your past dont worry life will not be such a struggle once you are done but lets not sugar coat it, everyone has bad days.

  21. Thank you Tabby for your uplifting words dear.