"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Saturday, June 13, 2009

ANGER HAS NO TIME TABLE


“However, as with all emotions, anger doesn’t understand time. Anger doesn’t dissipate automatically if the danger occurred two minutes ago-or twenty years ago! It has to be worked through appropriately. Otherwise, anger simply lives inside the heart.

This is why individuals with injured boundaries often are shocked by the rage they feel inside when they begin setting limits. This is generally not “new anger”-it’s “old anger.” It’s often years of nos, that were never voiced, never respected, and never listened to. The protests against all the evil and violation of our souls sit inside us, waiting to tell their truths.”
(Taken from the book Boundaries)

Ah – ha. The above puts the understanding of what I am going through more into perspective. “….individuals with injured boundaries often are shocked by the rage they feel inside when they begin setting limits.”

So true.

I marvel at the amount of rage that comes out of me at the slightest inconvenience as I establish my boundaries and get in touch with my feelings of the past. The amount of rawness and violation that I feel when someone steps over my boundaries and the bubbling up of anger is unbelievable now. All this rage I have contained over the years has been festering inside. No wonder this kind of pain can hurt one’s physical body and cause so many diseases, even death. Ticks me off now to see that I was not allowed to express my anger growing up. It would only be natural for a child in their learning years not to understand “adult” things, to question, to become frustrated, to get angry…….but then to have it quashed with a parent saying …..”no we don’t do that.” And that is just what JBR did, “she did not do that, except stuff it.”

34 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing your heart. You are learning much in your journey, praying for you to be sweetly blessed.

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  2. "Injured boundaries"...been there..endured that. Keep up the work you are doing on your journey. I am blessed by your posts. I wish I had been able to do something like this years ago. It almost seems like posting keeps you accountable to yourself. What an awesome vehicle GOD is using to heal your heart.
    Blessings, love, and much prayer, andrea

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  3. When I was growing up I was not allowed to express my extreme anger that was caused by my father's alcoholism. I was made to feel like a bad person for having this feeling so I pushed it down. It never went away and as I grew up and became an adult the anger eventually came out in destructive ways. It took years to learn how to deal with my rage. I can finally say that most of it is out of my system.

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  4. I too have been "stuffing it"for years when I was younger and now when I'm angry it is an over reaction to a situation,I have been working on this problem for some time now as well.Hugs and Blessing to him.I have been trying to do "let go let God"approach and it has been working for me.

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  5. .

    Mike glad the approach of letting go and letting God has helped you!

    AD glad that you can finally feel that most of your rage is under control and dealt with.

    Appreciate your thoughtfulness Andrea and encouragement!

    Denise, thank you for your prayers!!

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  6. the war in my head makes me crazy sometimes. I have been angry at myself the most. Angry that I have not been good enough, for allowing myself to be kidnapped and raped. I used everything to fight me - now I run in the woods, alone. Sarah

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  7. stuck-in-the-middleJune 13, 2009

    JBR have a good weekend. You've been an outstanding encouragement to many of us. Keep haning in there!

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  8. That first paragraph hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks. I wrote a post some time back about how my anger had spilled over into all areas of my life. It was a poison I couldn't seem to rid myself of. It is finally manageable, but it took most of my life to get to this point. I hope it will not be so for you.

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  9. My anger always bubbles out as tears. I used to tell my husband not to mis read my tears, they weren't tears of helplessness but tears of great anger. He never got it.

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  10. <><

    Wonderful Ivory that you have that outlet of tears! Blessings dear one!

    Tricia thank you for sharing that wonderful accomplishment in your life! Blessings!

    Stuck, you too have a great weekend. Appreciate your comments.

    Sarah, I am sure I do not have to say that what happened to you was "not your fault." I am sure you have been told that so many times, and it is truth! At the same time, I totally understand where you are coming from. Because, I too blame myself for a lot of things I had NO control over what-so-ever.

    I am deeply sorry that you were raped and kidnapped. I believe I read about your story on another forum if I am correct a while back. Blessings dear one!

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  11. Oh I am so very glad I have had enough years and patience with myself to work out all the many years of having stuffed so many emotions way down deep 'where the sun don't shine'.

    Yes, that made me very sick and after a lifetime of work, I finally have most of it out.
    WHAT A BLESSED RELIEF!

    Now my task is to continue to be on the lookout for my character defects (defense mechanisms) used in the past so I don't start stuffing again.

    Calling my sponsor, being open, honest, and willing, telling myself, telling others in an appropriate way how I am really feeling, writing.... all these things keep me on the healthy track.

    God bless you in your journey. I never could and still cannot do this trip alone,
    PG

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  12. Hey girl, I know you and Stevie are having a great time over the w/e. Thank you, as always, sharing from your heart your victories. Much appreciated as always! No, we cannot do it alone! Blessings and (((PG)))

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  13. Very true can't comment more as I am not a good writer.

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  14. It's always hard to vent and figure out how to do it properly. God Bless you!

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  15. "God comes to our lonely, anxious hearts and whispers our name. God says "I see both the fear you have of closeness and the deep longing you have to belong. I have come to comfort you and to respond to your need. I have been seeking a relationship with you. You belong. You belong to me. You are my child."

    Did you write this? I am so overwhelmed with this paragraph. It feels exactly right to me, and it feels like exactly what I needed to hear today.
    Thank you.

    I am having a very hard time with anger right now. It occured to me earlier this week that I have tried so many things to make my anger go away, but the one thing I hadn't done is to ask God to take it away. So that is what I've been doing every day this week.

    So far, I still feel a lot of anger, but I am hoping to get some clarity as time goes on. I have to remember that there is no time-table.

    Thank you for this post.

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  16. Col. 3:21 Fathers, provoke not your children [to anger], lest they be discouraged.

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  17. Anger...always comes like a raging fire, ready to destroy anything in its path. May the Lord remind me to be slow to anger always. Great post. God bless. Have a great weekend! Glad you're enjoying that "book"!!!

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  18. RCUBEs thank you so much for your post. I do not know if I am really enjoying the book, as there are some very real and painful things I need to face revealed within the pages! Blessings!

    Tola, thanks for stopping by. Blessings.

    Shen, glad you dropped on by. No, I cannot take the credit for those words. But, am glad you were touched and comforted by them. Continue to call out to God to help you walk through the anger and to reveal what needs to be shown to you dear one. Blessings.

    Hi T.Anne. I do not think there is a proper way to vent. We are all different. Blessings.

    Sai, thanks for the visit. Blessings.

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  19. Good little boys don't do that.

    Don't do WHAT?

    THAT!

    OK!??
    FK!

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  20. What you quoted in todays post makes some valid pointswhich seem to ring with you.

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  21. Thanks for reading and following my therapy blog.
    I struggle with crushing depression and have done so for 25 years. I hate to think of the debilitating effect it has had on my life. Somehow though I seem to survive and I write about it as a kind of therapy.
    All the best.
    strayblackdog.co.uk.

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  22. Andrew, so much appreciate your visit. I am really having a rough w/e with depression myself (so tired of the whole thing) more than normal, so I can certainly understand where you are coming from and I am sorry that you suffer with such. I do pray for a break-through with you. Thanks for stopping by.

    Strawberry and Stevie thanks for the visit.

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  23. You just gave me the answer I sought during the ten years of my first marriage. My ex-husband (who grew up an abused over controlled child)was rage filled and erupted almost daily. I wrote once that "it was as if anger was lava beneath his skin..the slightest disturbance could wreak havoc". It killed the feelings I had and jeaprodized his relationship with our children.

    Thank you for giving me this insight and, as well, I am happy for you that the words of this author brought answers to your questions of late.

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  24. Wow, this really makes sense to me JBR. Thank you for helping me understand this "old anger" I struggle with. Love and prayers to you xx

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  25. My dear JBR you are accomplishing alot in your quest for freedom. Youre truly an inspiration to many here that read what you share. I being one of them. Thank you.

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  26. May God continue to bless you and carry you as your path to freedom comes closer.

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  27. Thank you for all you do for so many others. I'm passing one of my Honest Scrap awards to you. Please visit the blog to pick it up! Hugs!

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  28. Hi JBR, this was a great post and made alot of sense to me to. I have had lots to be angry about ever since I was a small child. Nothing as horrific as physical abuse like you went through, but psychological and just being abused by life circumstances I could not control. What 5 year old can control the death of their parent? And the aftermath of that is not having a "normal" childhood, family, support group, anything. I still feel cheated by life, and that would make a saint angry, I think.

    Now I know why I get P.O.'d very easily when someone does something to annoy, disrespect or bother me. I also get very angry when I see injustice and neglect to animals and helpless people. I am trying to be more laid back internally, but it is hard. I act cool outwardly, for the most part and seeth on the inside. Plus, I am a type A personality and a capricorn only child, so I have high standards!

    Take care of yourself and let out your anger any way that won't get you in trouble. Anger held in, esp. against a person, doesn't do the jerk any harm, but it's like acid that damages the vessel that is holding it (you/me). Take Care of yourself and see a fun movie to amuse yourself! ~ Bunni

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  29. <><
    Amusing Bunni, appreciate your visit and comment. Dear one, so very sorry that it was difficult for you as a child losing a parent and not being able to grieve accordingly. ((((AB))))

    HeartfeltHeartlook appreciate you as well. Will take a look, and thank you.

    Your encouragement is appreciated Ron, thanks!

    DeeDee and Lil thank you for your kind words. I do hope what I share does help some.

    girlinaglasshouse, sorry for your pain you experienced w/ your ex. and the effect it had and has on you dear one.

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  30. Oh my goodness, JBR, thank you so much for that excerpt! That just rings so true for me, I truly must locate a copy of that book.

    I'm sorry boundary establishment has been difficult for you but I'm so proud of you for working through it!

    It's amazing how much anger we can store. Looking back, I didn't even realize I was angry when I was younger. I wonder if in some ways keeping in all my emotions made me angry as well.

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  31. Very good point you bring up IK with storing all that pent up anger over the years. I am in agreement that bottling up that anger made you more angry as well. I am inclind to believe that of myself.

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  32. Hi there!

    This is a great book you are reading. It explains so much of what you are going through. Hugs!

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  33. Tabs, it is a good book. Thanks.

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