"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Saturday, June 20, 2009


As usual woke up on another weekend dreading what will I do today with myself, except this time before dragging my tired body out of bed the first thing that popped in my mind was “Can You Come Out To Play?” I got in touch with part of my child this morning. I now recall how much I looked forward to the awesome fun on weekends as a kid (escaping the abuse and my fears) where I would play all day with the neighborhood children, which was then abruptly taken away from me through my parents divorce.

Upon this memory, I started crying this morning uncontrollably. But, then it did not take long until I switched over to anger, which is still with me as I type.

So, gonna have to work through this now.


  1. You'll work through this JBR, you've been making some wonderful progress.

  2. AnonymousJune 20, 2009

    I hope there will come a time when you can again look forward to the day with anticipation and not dread. When you aren't steeped in the exhaustion that comes from emotional battles you now wage.

  3. Maybe that was God speaking to you. I hope you find a place today to lay down your burdens and feel some peace.

  4. JBR, it is ever so wonderful you remembering the good moments of this time too. THey are very precious showing you that during this terrible and devastating time of your life you were not gone completely, you had friends and fun. You will go there again. Out to play. Big hugs across the pond.

  5. I am praying for you right this very moment. Our Lord knows your deepest needs and He also knows the enemy wants you to feel defeated and angry. I pray GOD will give you the strength and grace to push past this anger and move into the freedom HE longs for you to feel.

    Much love, prayers, and hugs, andrea

  6. I handle anger so badly most of the time that I try to avoid it always. easier said than done, I know. yes, oh to be a child again when worries were rare and anger almost silly. take care~rick

  7. stuck-in-the-middleJune 20, 2009

    Oh JBR something is stirring! God is moving big time with you. Hang in there.

  8. Eight ways to know Gods will.


  9. God is doing a work in you, and through you dear.

  10. Hi JBR:
    I am sorry to read you started your day off so sad and crying...at least getting angry about it is progress. You are really working hard going through all your problems.

    If I may offer a bit of advise, maybe you should take a break from thinking of your past, seeing how it is so awful and thinking of if disturbs you. Things we dwell on tend to magnify.

    If you truly want to enjoy your weekend, I would suggest just putting these memories OUT OF YOUR MIND! Do something to divert yourself, see a movie, go for a walk to the park, watch tv, clean your house, read funny websites!

    When you distract yourself from the bad memories, you won't upset yourself. This is what works for me! If I sat around thinking about all the crap and sadness that happened & still does in my life, I'd be a basket case that wouldn't leave the bed!

    Have some fun and make some new memories!
    I'll be praying for you to get better.

  11. Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD. Psalm 31:24

  12. I have my good days and than some that are not so good and than there are days that just suck.on those bad days reading blogs tend to pull me up.I hope that you are having a great day today.Big Time Hug.

  13. Keeping you in prayers. God bless JBR!

  14. AnonymousJune 20, 2009

    I have been stopping by everyday to read your posts and I wanted you to know that my heart goes out to you and I admire the courage you have to work through all the pain of your past.

  15. AnonymousJune 20, 2009

    I know what you mean. I volunteered for years as a 'big sister' for Big Brothers Big Sisters and seeing the innocence in the kids' eyes as we did typical fun childhood stuff would fill me with joy, but also make me sad for what I lost as a kid.

  16. I had something similar happen to me when I was going through a trial in my life. So I know what you must be going through and I'm sorry for your pain.

  17. Thank you all for your continued support!!

    I spent some time at the pool today (no screaming underwater thank you). I guess this is what I am gonna be doing for present. A bit getting the Serotonin from the sun to help with the depression and headache.

  18. Hope you're feeling better.


  19. Glad you were able to get some relax time today. Build yourself up emotionally and physically

  20. I can SO relate to waking up on a weekend and not knowing what I am going to do with myself. I often am NOT my own best friend, and can sink into do-nothingness very easily. It's not easy. I've just found your blog, and your posts echo my journey. I'll keep following. Thanks you for BEING REAL! :~)