HOW SURVIVORS ARE SILENCED

***Possible Major Triggers***
I would like to say when I share from this book I have to actually type word for word the excerpts (can’t copy and paste from the internet, not available), it is like a triple whammy for me. To actually read it, type it, and then re-read it over a few times to make sure I captured the authors thoughts correctly. Sometimes I actually feel like the picture below after doing these intense posts:

With that being said, yes, this blog is certainly for my benefit as it now supplies my daily journaling in hopes that what I say may be not only encouraging and ‘hopeful,’ to me but to many of you despite the painful topic in our quest to freedom.

Again, I want to caution all who read to be ‘gentle with yourself’ as there are triggers in these writings.

“Everyone has the right to tell the truth about her life. Although most survivors have been taught to keep abuse a secret, this silence is not in your best interests. The sexual molestation of children and the resulting shame thrive in an atmosphere of silence. As one survivor explained, ‘Incest is not a taboo. Talking about it is a taboo.’” (Courage to Heal)

During the time of my molestation, I remember asking my brother why he was doing what he was and his reply was simply, “he wanted to be a doctor.” Sadly, that answer was sufficient for me. So much so that I recall confirming his statement so innocently the next time he abused me, “so you want to be a doctor?”

He did not even have to tell me to keep what he was doing to me a secret. He knew how to play me and knew that what he told me I would believe and that would be final. Which it was for so many years. I went through my childhood into adulthood never telling a sole, until later on in life when I continued to see a concerning pattern with my relationships. Always, always, always, always thinking that “I” had the problem!! Something was wrong with me!!! Why can’t I carry on even in a platonic relationship with the opposite sex, why, why, why, why. Why am I so very frighten of what will happen to me? Why do I fear for my well-being? Why do I get physically ill when I think of the possibilities of someone hurting or taking advantage of me which will cause me physical pain? Scared out of my mind!! Later on I just avoided any possible intimate relationships all together.