"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Friday, August 21, 2009

HOW SURVIVORS ARE SILENCED


***Possible Major Triggers***

I would like to say when I share from this book I have to actually type word for word the excerpts (can’t copy and paste from the internet, not available), it is like a triple whammy for me. To actually read it, type it, and then re-read it over a few times to make sure I captured the authors thoughts correctly. Sometimes I actually feel like the picture below after doing these intense posts:

With that being said, yes, this blog is certainly for my benefit as it now supplies my daily journaling in hopes that what I say may be not only encouraging and ‘hopeful,’ to me but to many of you despite the painful topic in our quest to freedom.

Again, I want to caution all who read to be ‘gentle with yourself’ as there are triggers in these writings.


“Everyone has the right to tell the truth about her life. Although most survivors have been taught to keep abuse a secret, this silence is not in your best interests. The sexual molestation of children and the resulting shame thrive in an atmosphere of silence. As one survivor explained, ‘Incest is not a taboo. Talking about it is a taboo.’” (Courage to Heal)

During the time of my molestation, I remember asking my brother why he was doing what he was and his reply was simply, “he wanted to be a doctor.” Sadly, that answer was sufficient for me. So much so that I recall confirming his statement so innocently the next time he abused me, “so you want to be a doctor?”

He did not even have to tell me to keep what he was doing to me a secret. He knew how to play me and knew that what he told me I would believe and that would be final. Which it was for so many years. I went through my childhood into adulthood never telling a sole, until later on in life when I continued to see a concerning pattern with my relationships. Always, always, always, always thinking that “I” had the problem!! Something was wrong with me!!! Why can’t I carry on even in a platonic relationship with the opposite sex, why, why, why, why. Why am I so very frighten of what will happen to me? Why do I fear for my well-being? Why do I get physically ill when I think of the possibilities of someone hurting or taking advantage of me which will cause me physical pain? Scared out of my mind!! Later on I just avoided any possible intimate relationships all together.

24 comments:

  1. I feel like these words could have come out of my mouth. ((hugs)) Broken

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  2. God bless you and all those who have been where you have been.

    No one should have to live with abuse or the memories of abuse. But they do and thank God there is a loving, healing God we can call on to guide us out of pain and into the light of health.

    PG

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  3. I am so sorry for your pain. It was so wrong what happened to you were never,never to blame.

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  4. I agree with Prayer Girl.God Has the power to heal us,on His Time Table,not ours.It has taken me a long time to get where I am at.I still have anger flair ups.I do not act out the way I once did.

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  5. JBR,

    I am so glad that you are using what the enemy had deemed for evil for the good and glory of God because you are not the only one going through the healing process on your own, but by sharing it here, you are helping others that may not have even taken that first step and told anyone.

    Love and Hugs ~ Kat

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  6. Im so sorry..i know as a survivor of physical abuse it took me a long time to figure out it was not my own fault..i still have the tendancy to blame me first.

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  7. It must be hard to relive every moment...I said it before, you remain courageous in facing your fear and praying that in God's perfect time, you will overcome...God bless you JBR.

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  8. Even when we know in our head that we are not to blame and it is not our fault, we still blame ourselves, often without really even realizing it. But every time we realize what we are doing and we tell ourselves we are not to blame, then we are being Real! These moments are victories of a sort I think. Moments of healing. Hugs.

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  9. My heart truly hurts for you.

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  10. "Taboo"..yes, you said it well, my friend, you are on the way to healing..my love to you..Roan

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  11. Way to familiar reading this. I had most of my relatives abusing me. I'm still haunted by memories. Many years of therapy

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  12. You ARE getting there kiddo. Stay the course.

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  13. Thank you all for your encouragement and comments. You all are very special to me!

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  14. Your words are so honest.

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  15. It is so sad that this kind of thing goes on in so many homes. I'm so thankful it did not in mine. Your blog is helping a lot of people. Blessings to you.
    Charlotte

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  16. jBR-it saddens me that he, it, you, still hold you captive to what cannot be undone or made right. I hope it dosn't steal the rest of your life, the promise of your happiness to come. Thhat would be a tragedy beyond the one already lived. Take care~rick

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  17. My counselor actually gave me this book at about the same time I discovered your blog.
    Thanks for sharing your journey... it has given me hope on mine.

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  18. I really hear this one. Tho my abuse was not incest, my brother tortured me all thru my childhood. He convinced me that he really cared for me and that I deserved what he did. I didn't like what he did, but I wanted his approval and love. I didn't know I could choose not to be abused, I thot that's just how it was. It all angers me now and I haven't the guts to talk to him about it.

    I believe that talking about it heals it, tho.

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  19. Thanks again everyone.

    Glad the book has given some of you hope.

    Please keep in mind, recovery is different for everyone. Pain from the past cannot simply be erased without working through and going through. Can take years. True God can do a miracle and help you get through your pain. Recovery is an on-going process with His help.

    Some of us heal quicker than others.

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  20. Ivory, thank you for sharing. I am so very sorry that your brother tortured you. Yes, I am finding out that talking or writing it here on my blog does ease the pain a bit. Also seeing my pain in writing and speaking about it, when all these years I have been silent to the fact that I was abused, also helps.

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  21. Just Be Real.I'm refering to the humane award on the right side bar.

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  22. This post and these comments were hard to read. I have not been on yrou journey and yet I can ache for your recovery. Thank you for being brave enough to journal on line

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  23. I want you to be ok. I really want you to be ok. I think you're pretty amazing. And strong. And courageous. Stay Safe. Sarah

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  24. Fear is one way I was silenced. My dad always told us that we were to keep our mouths shut to outsiders when it came to what went on behind closed doors.

    I guess we are paying the price now aren't we?

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