"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Sunday, August 23, 2009

IN THE REAL (Wrestling Again)


God and I are wrestling it out again!!

Again, my emotional pain is deep!.. Finding it is hard to put what I am going thru in wrds. Only can grieve and cry out to God, as He sees the whole picture.

This is a new set of deep emotions from the last time I was wrestling with Him back in July. I feel I am more in “the real” than ever before.

I am tired and exhausted. Want to, quit, disappear, and do not like myself!

I feel so very alone.

38 comments:

  1. I am so sorry for the deep pain you are experiencing right now. I hope it will be something you don't have to linger in for a long time. My best to you.

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  2. Just stopped by to let you know I am thinking about you and I am sending hugs your way!

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  3. you are not alone...I am here with you.
    ALL of us :-)
    ((gi-nor-mous, but safe, hugs))
    ~ Gracie

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  4. Hi my friend,
    I'm sorry you are hurting again. It does seem that we have to go through pain in order to get to the other side, transformed by it and by feeling it. As usual, I too have had my own trials lately. I did write some down in my LJ. Not sure if you are able to see them or not. Know that I do still think of you and pray for your healing.

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  5. JBR,
    Will be praying for God's love to cover you like a blanket. (((JBR)))

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  6. You're not alone. We're out here, listening.

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  7. I am sad that you are hurting, but praising GOD that you are "more in the real." I pray as you face and wrestle with these emotions GOD will continue to heal your heart, soul, and being and that HE will fully restore you to the person HE created you to be.
    Sending LOTS of prayers, sweet one!
    Andrea

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  8. You are not alone. God is there even if you are wrestling with your emotions. We are here for you too.

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  9. Pain is good. It comes from healing. Don't quit before the miracle..God is there even if He is quiet.

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  10. Me too. I'm with you. Routing for you. Praying for you. There is so much power with all of us in your corner. I pray you feel it. Sarah

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  11. You are loved, my friend, by God and by us, your friends..we are thinking of you and send positive energy your way

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  12. You aren't alone. We struggle with the same thing. I often want to shake my fist at Him, my faith has been sorely tested. I believe it broke.

    I think the reason we feel so alone with this is because, for me, my relationship with God is intensely private. When my thots are empty of Him, it's like listening to silence scream, it's deafening and no one else can hear it.

    Know you are not alone in how you feel, only in the path you are on. We all must travel our own path, but others are traveling, also. I'll be thinking of you and I hope your travels bring you to peacefulness.

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  13. Hi JBR,
    Praying for you.
    Don't be hard on yourself, your courage in persevering is awesome. (And reliable sources have confirmed that Someone delights in you as His treasured lamb. Look at yourself through Jesus eyes - He likes you and loves you too!)
    God bless
    Peter

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  14. As everyone here has said, you are not alone. I know it feels like you are. We survivors are here and we know what you are going through. God is often silent but He never leaves you. Never. He just holds you while you wrestle.

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  15. Sweetie, I promise you are not alone. God is carrying you right now, He is not going to leave you. I am here my friend, sending you love and hugs, and prayers.

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  16. There's a country western song with a line that goes "Anger shot straight at God, then asking for his love". We all get angry with God sometimes. But it's our faith that gets us through until we can see around the next bend. This too shall pass, and I pray it is soon. Big hugs of gratitude for being there for me when I felt exactly the same way.

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  17. JBR, you arent alone, allow us to be here for you. I am so sorry for you experiencing so very much pain again. This too shall pass and once again you will feel more real. Keeping you in my thoughts. Hugs xxx

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  18. JBR- that's a common Sunday night feeling. Should be gone by Tuesday. Get some rest. ~rick

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  19. stuck-in-the-middleAugust 24, 2009

    Hang in there JBR!

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  20. I'm in agreement with the multitudes here. Prays offered up. God Bless.

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  21. (((((((((HUGS))))))) JBR!
    Trying to find meaning in our lives, struggling with God. It is all good. It is when we get past this resistance of walls we have put up to block the pain and hurts from others and part of us wants to be free from them, only when we wrestle with God and leave them at his feel to bring healing can we find meaning in life. You will be building up your own self-respect and self-esteem in the process. Your loved by all of heaven!

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  22. You are Not Alone, JBR.

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  23. Sometimes lonely kiddo...never alone though. No winner ever has their hand raised until all the rounds are fought...just do not throw the towel in. You may stagger from the blows but God will not let you fall.

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  24. God is with you. And we're all pulling for you and praying for you...

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  25. JBR I feel your pain today, your loneliness, it is all a part of healing, where we try and put all of the pieces of our broken self back together. I hate that lonely feeling, I get mad a God many times because I feel he has forgotten me, i know he is busy, with others like me and you. He is always there, he tests us many times.

    I hope this does not seem silly to you or your readers. I came up with this little YELLING at GOD speech I call it when I am having the same feelings you are..

    Hey you UP there
    can you Hear ME
    Yeah ! You up there .
    Lord It's ME
    I need to have a wee talk with You
    I know it's been awhile
    you see I am once again
    in one of my SLUMPS
    You know I hate being that way
    so take some time
    listen
    anyway I've been feeling sad,
    lonely to say the least


    You are in my thoughts and prayers. HUGS

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  26. JBR ~

    Just remember these are those valleys of your past pain you have been revisiting over the week. It is completely natural to feel overwhelmed with emotions and be completely exhausted. Perhaps some time at the pool and completely relax. Take some time out for you today.

    Love and Hugs ~ Kat

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  27. The scene of Jacob wrestling with God came to my mind right away as I read your post. [Genesis 32:22-32]...Jacob wrestled with God all night just to be blessed. Him wrestling that way showed persistence. And that's what God encourages us to have in all areas of our lives.

    And as you went through that moment of wrestling with Him, I know that it helps in developing your character to become stronger. And that will help you get through with all these tough situations you are faced with. Blessings to you JBR! God bless you immensely after this wrestling match.

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  28. (((((Hugs))))) I know.

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  29. very sorry for your pain. Sending good wishes your way.

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  30. My love, I'll pray for you!

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  31. You're in my thoughts.

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  32. JBR, just hang in there! You know that God really has big plans for you. I know it's difficult but if He loves you enough to wrestle with you, He's going to give you something to walk away with. {{{HUGS!!!}}}

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  33. Hopefully, you are believing all of us when we say that you're not alone!! Even if we are only communicating our feelings and responses on-line, it still is communicating. You are obviously being prayed for by many!

    Wrestling with God is never easy - no wonder you're feeling tired and exhausted and want to quit. Being real takes a lot of courage and a lot of strength. It's always much, much easier to pretend things away (at least, easier in the short term that is). But I really don't think it's worth it to live a lie. I think it was Socrates who said, "The unexamined life is not worth living." I would have to agree - even if my agreeing can't be heard through the low periods where I'm crying and screaming!!

    So, while you're in this low place, know that you are being prayed for, and that you are most definitely surrounded by people who care!! Hang in there!!!!

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  34. Awww JBR do hope you'll be doing better soon. I know this can be hard.

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  35. I'm so sorry that you are feeling such loneliness and pain! I wish you much healing and peace. <3

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  36. Hi Sweety,
    Sorry I am behind in reading my blogs. I wish you strength and courage...Hugs

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