"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Saturday, August 22, 2009

MUM BATTLE


Another major battle mum and I had (which I knew would happen) that started tonight! The reason I knew this battle was going to happen is because my church is going through major changes and the service times are one of the changes. I want to go to the later one, but she prefers to go to the earlier one. We fought back and forth on the phone tonight as to "why I cannot go to the earlier one with her." I even warned her last week my intentions of going to the later one. I came so close to saying, "Because I do not want to go with you period!" She drives me to my limit!! Then her guilt voice came on with the guilt words, "then when can I see you? I won't be able to see you anymore, I need you to do some things at my place." Trying to compromise some how I said that I would try and see her between services. That she did not like.

Even though I prepared myself all week for the possibility of what she would be saying to me, it is still hard to fight for my boundaries!!! I still get pissed off when I have to confront her!!! I really hate this!!! Still, I feel I am much stronger now then I was a few months ago, because I Want So Bad to be my own self!!

Again, it was like, "when will I see you?" I have no clue what tomorrow morning will bring. I do not want to fall back in my old ways and give in!!

I REALLY HATE HAVING TO FIGHT FOR SOMETHING I WANT TO DO INDEPENDENTLY!!

So, I hit my knees right after our conversation tonight, as I just could not take this guilt on and made an effort to release the crap I was feeling to the Lord!

24 comments:

  1. It must be frustrating to be faced with arguing over something as stupid as which church service you go to. I am sorry you have to face such ridiculous battles that are obviously your mothers way of exhibiting control. I am praying you will be filled with strength and confidence like you have never had before. Blessings and prayers, andrea
    PS: thanks for your sweet words on arise 2 write

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  2. cool beans! Let it go where it should. This is not yours to bear anymore...just listen, send her peace, say no, send her more peace and any residual guilt or anger or sadness...send it where it belongs...outward. Then send more peace to her..and after awhile she'll have nothing but peace to give and meanwhile, you won't notice either way because you will be filled with peace yourself...you are on the right track!

    Breeze

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  3. Drop on your knees, and give this battle to the Lord. He will give you sweet peace.

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  4. I guess I didn't realize you lived so close to your mother.
    I stand firm in my words to you: You are amazing in your faith and your encouragement to others. I mean that with all my heart.
    ~ Grace

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  5. You did the right thing. It is required that people learn to say no. We can not be all things to all people, all the time. I too struggle with this, today even, and it's a hard thing to let go of and learn. First take care of yourself, then others. YOu'll be no good to them if you are not well.

    Hugs and blessings to you.
    Tammy

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  6. Oh Girl, this is amazing progress.
    What joy to know that you stood up for your boundaries.
    You are an incredible example of going to your knees at just the right time, guess that comes natural to one who know how to Just Be Real!!

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  7. I really relate to your struggles with your mum. I had the exact same thing as you, mostly to do with her wanting to see my son. Even when she was with us she would say 'when will I see you?'. I realised her neediness and pushiness was because she wants to feel safe and loved (like us all). I had to let go of a lot of my own anger and resentment. This helped a lot. A book that has been a MASSIVE help for me is The Dance of Anger. It's a very empowering self help book with lots of insights and practical solutions with lots of case studies of relationship battles. Love to you x

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  8. Take control from those who would control you and control yourself. It is, after all, your car and you are the one behind the wheel despite what the back seat drivers want you to think.

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  9. if it wasn't so crazy making, it would be funny. I know the fight, the struggle to just get what you want. Hope you end up at the late service. Sarah

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  10. Okay, perhaps a different perspective but I am a mother myself and I think ahead to when my little girl grows up. Would it help if you and your mother came to an agreement as to when you could see her and how often? For example, if your Saturday mornings are free, perhaps you could suggest you get together on a Saturday (or every Saturday) and do a little shopping, have a little lunch and then go your separate ways for the rest of the day right after lunch. I have a friend that did that with her mom (mind you I don't know how close you are with yours) but it worked very well for them. I was "planning ahead" and thought this might work for my daughter and I because I don't want to be the type of mother to her that puts guilt on her. I had enough of that growing up myself.

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  11. Oh! I understand your situation even thought I have not gone through the situation exactly like yours. I pray that God will maintain and keep your strength to uphold as to what you believe in, without any arguing with her. Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthen me.

    Have a lovely weekend,

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  12. I'm 50, and my mother still makes me feel this way! Guess who pointed out to me how I let my mother treat me like a child? My OWN daughter!

    If I give my mother an inch, she grabs a "guilt" mile...

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  13. You have an obligation to first look after you own needs. Remember that, JBR

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  14. JBR-it is absolutely amazing the power guilt has in the hands of a master wielder. ~rick

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  15. JBR, I feel your pain. My parents do the same thing. Just remember that no one can manipulate you (this includes guilt trips) without your permission. Don't let this strife steal your anointing and message every week. It is much too important for you to hold on to that to be able to fight your own battles. Praying for you!

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  16. JBR, keep you in my thoughts that you end in the servcie YOU want to go to. Consider if you really want to make compromises on your boundaries. You fought so hard for it. It is up to your Mom to accept the reality, if not it is HER business, not yours anyway - isnt that free-ing. Hugs to you.

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  17. JBR,

    Perhaps you two could come to a compromise and alternate which services you attend? I know our evening services are much different than our morning ones and perhaps by meeting mom half way you may not have to persuade her, perhaps she will see something as a benefit by attending the later one.

    Love and Hugs ~ Kat

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  18. "Mom when you ------fill in the blank----I feel ---fill in the blank----and I would prefer if you---fill in the blank-----!

    "i need to know where I end and you begin mom and so do you"

    Tools of the trade :)

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  19. I love that you dropped on your knees! A good reminder for me!

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  20. giving it up -- releasing the burdens and resentsment inside -- a common theme today.

    I can so relate :)

    Sue

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  21. Wow, can I relate! This is exactly the kind of thing I go through with my parents all the time! Setting boundaries is so hard, and I am always getting the guilt dropped on me, much as you described here.
    Bravo for sticking to your boundaries, and kudos for also remembering to turn it over.
    Well done.

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  22. What a great thing to do...to give this to the Lord and surrender always to His power and strength! Blessings.

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  23. You are doing the right thing.God Bless You.

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  24. It always amazes me how somethings are so familiar though thousands of miles apart. Same here in my situation. I gave in to my mom for more than 40 years, then I finally fought back, and now I'm free. I prayed like mad for sometime to be set free from hatred and God delivered me. In our exchanges, I managed to put it across to her that her temper and ways had alienated me and I hate her grumblings. Thank God for helping her change, she shows more tolerance today and is much more supportive than destructive. Those days were miserable, but God helps me to live with her as I also pray for strength to be kind to her and love her. :)

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