"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Saturday, August 08, 2009


****Possible Triggers****

Started to read the book Courage to Heal. There is so much that I can relate to in Part One of “Recognizing the Damage.”

Things are explained well about how sexual abuse affects different areas, i.e. intimacy, sexuality, parenting, the body, feelings, self esteem, and family relationships.

In naming a few, here are what survivors find difficult and often have trouble with dealing later on in life:

the trust factor;
fearful of people;
feeling isolated;
panicing/shutting down;
feeling dead inside;
hating themselves;
saying "no;"
having strained relationships with family members
and the list goes on.

There is a comforting note at the end of the chapter where it states:

“If you feel overwhelmed reading about the long-term effects of abuse, remember that you have already lived through the hardest part-the abuse itself. You have survived against formidable odds. The same abuse that undercut you has also provided you with many of the inner resources necessary for healing. One quality every survivor can be confident of having is strength. And with an understanding of what it takes to heal, that strength leads directly to determination. “

I have never thought of it that way with regards to “already living through the hardest part-the abuse itself and having the strength to be set free.”

Lately, I am connecting a tad more emotionally to the actual abuse by my brother. I get glimpses and feel sensations. Unfortunately it is not the anger part towards him, but the actual abuse itself.


  1. I hope that you are having a good weekend.I have an award for you on my site.

  2. I hope the long-term effects don't last forever. I wonder if you can get to the point where you never forget, but you can be free, where you feel that God truly gives you a double blessing for something meant to hurt you. Have a blessed weekend and do something nice for yourself. You deserve it.

  3. The process of recovering is so slow and difficult. I get that it that it's hard to move past the shock of the event(s). Eventually it will though and you will be able to start dealing with the emotions of it all. You have to go at your own pace and not one people set for you. A Lot of prayer & hold onto hope. Tammy

  4. You wrote, "Unfortunately it is not the anger part towards him, but the actual abuse itself."

    Maybe the actual abuse needs to come first before the anger can surface. Just trust God - and I know you do - and all things will happen in God's perfect order and perfect timing.

    Prayer Girl

  5. I'm not just surviving anymore......

    I'm happy to say (in a humble way full of humility.. that I'm STRIVING AND THRIVING now.. and not Just Surviving..

    I don't what happened the last few months.. since May....

    But some things just feel in to place.

    I hope it does for you and all abused women and men.....

    I have no real family. After my dad molested me at age 8......well, if your own flesh and blood father can do that; and your mom says it could not have happened; but than when you are 35 .. 18 years after you told her at 17 writes and tells you she knew it was true all along...

    Well shame on them all..........and good I disowned all..............including my own mother.. and not with bitterness or anger......just to be FREE.

    It took me until 48 to HEAL............

    It was hard to trust anyone......... after the first man that is supposed to protect you hurts you and so much other violence from this man with the super high IQ........but sick mind too.

    My mom lived on Valiums......I realized now prescription drugs can still be drugs.....and she was a pill head............in a sense....... she was in a daze....I was the youngest of 5 .. so by the time I was in Kindergarten or whatever she was on pills to deal with the stress of living with such a brilliant but sick man. (guns; knives etc in the house.. ).

    No one got hit.....just the walls........at least no physical harm in that sense.

    Be happy...............enjoy this life of abundance......wish i could bottle up what made me be in real recovery. I have my moments.. but they are only brief and I know how to get my serenity back.

    Wish I could be a better writer and say it more clearly.

    But life is great.. I did the hard work; plus something clicked from going to 2 to 7 meetings a week.

  6. P.S. yes I'm 48...... I hope others get recovery early than pushing 50.. but I feel better Late than NEVER.

  7. I wish I had some deep and inspiring words of wisdom for you. I have never been through what you have and so I can't even imagine what it must be like. But, I do know that healing exists for physical, emotional and psychological abuses. It is possible to put it behind you and my prayer is that you will be able to get to the point where it doesn't dominate your life. I would guess that it will take a lot to get to that point though. While cancer is different than abuse...it still terrorizes you! I will never be quite the same as I was before cancer. You have to find a new "normal"...one that will forever incorporate my experiences with cancer. It's just a part of me now. Although sometimes it is hard to see....God is in the midst of all of it. He's cheering you on...and so am I!

  8. Sounds like a good book. Thanks for sharing that to us.
    Enjoy your weekend and may you have a blessed Sunday tomorrow. :)

  9. What caught my attention is "you have already beat formidable odds." I haven't considered this, either!
    Thank you for sharing!!
    Blessings, hugs, and prayers, andrea

  10. Hi JBR
    Recognising the damage can have liberating effects in itself, and the comforting note at the end was encouraging. You've been through the hardest part, and you do have the strength to be set free. We can do all things through Jesus who strengthens us.
    God bless.

  11. I do understand your position, but do not let this past pain last forever. Let take the courage to heal and I know that you are doing it and I am strongly you will be set free.

    In this connection, may I share with you Philippians 4:13 you can do all thing through Christ, who strengthen you.

    Have a blessed weekend and do something pleasing for yourself which you are well deserve it.

  12. Seems like an intense book JBR.

  13. How wonderful the insight that you have gained simply by reading something, I believe that God directed you to read. What an incredible first step and I am sure it is something you needed to hear or in this case, see and read.

    Now that you have a great foundation to build on, your faith in God and partnership to walk together on this road to recovery and learning more about yourself and the strength you possess and share with others.

    I am praying for you sweet soul that God has just taken your hand and begun to light the path in front of you. Keep your eyes on Him and don't look back!

    Love and Hugs ~ Kat

  14. Now you have me curious about that book. Me thinks I'll need to take a trip to the library.

  15. "Life is thickly sown with thorns,
    and I know no other remedy than to pass quickly through them.
    The longer we dwell on our misfortunes,
    the greater is their power
    to harm us."

  16. Praise the Lord! For He is Jehovah-Rapha, the God who heals.

  17. You can't get to step five until you get through step 4...it is a linear progression this regaining control thing.

  18. Good that your sharing with some of us that can benefit from what your going through with the book.

  19. Thinking of you, Just Be Real Brave!! That can be your new name!


  20. Thank you all for your responses, scripture verses,encouragement and uplift.

    Nancy, welcome. Thanks for sharing and for the other comments you left me. I have addressed those seprately at the post itself.

    Vicki, like the idea. So instead of JBR, it will be JBRB!

    OhSewGood, if you feel comfortable enough to check out the book, then go ahead.

    H2H, thank you for your words of encouragement.

    Ms. Hen, appreciate you taking the time to share what you went through and the positive results!

    Peter good to see you again. Take it slow with getting things in order.

  21. Never thought of it like that but I grasp the truth of it, and I'm thankful that God has allowed me a mighty healing. While mine wasn't a sexual abuse, mine was verbal/mental. Once in awhile physical, but not sexual as far as my memory goes. Yet most of those examples I've experienced.


  22. JBRB ;-)) hugs to you. Yepp, the abuse was the hardest part. We are not only survivors but winners. Having experienced such traumas in early life we may keep a certain vulnerability when facing life challenges as I experience myself right now. But the determintaion, will power and strength we are equipped with is often inmeasurable. For that I am grateful on a very humble way. Mill of hugs. xxx

  23. My Child,
    I am so proud of you, taking this first step to opening the book to inner healing.


  24. Great positive move. Take it slow if the book becomes to much. Let whta you read soak in.

  25. This sounds like a very good book that is going to help you. That quote is very true, even though sometimes it does not feel like it. I am always rooting for you to do even just a bit better everyday.

  26. I need to go back and read this over again. It was just so hard for me the first time I am having trouble finding the motivation to try again.

    The statement about living through the hardest part seems so opposite to me. Denial was not hard for me at all, and even though the abuse itself was awful... trying to understand it, heal from it and grow from it seems so much more daunting to me!

  27. Stumbled upon your blog. I'm invovled in my local recovery center wtih drug addicts. REcovery isnt easy but it can be done wtih proper sponsers and support. Keep @ it. Frank

  28. Great post. Great book. I did find it painful to read.

  29. You have survived against formidable odds, these words have sunk deeply in me today, reading your post lifed my spirits today,
    lisa marie said "trying to understand it, heal from it and grow from it seems so much more daunting to me!
    I agree with her. funny I wrote a poem on just that Daunting, if you care to look,

    goodluck and bless U

  30. God bless you as He continues to heal your body soul and mind. God Bless.

  31. I had forgotten about this book. I read it 5 years ago going through my own therapy. The book is right about having lived through the worst of it. Courage in finding strength on this journey dear friend. (Hugs)Indigo

  32. (((Hugs)))

    My one brother was one of my perpetrators too.

  33. I am glad you are starting to read this book! Once I read it through it all made sense to me. What a liberating feeling this is! I hope you have started (if not already) counseling.

    As you progress through the healing process you will be abel to read the book in its entirety.

    I wish you all the best in the healing process.


  34. Knowing I am God's CHILD makes all the difference in my healing process!

    "The day you call on the Name of the LORD,
    you will be set free."
    Genesis 4:26
    Seth also had a son, and he named him Enosh. At that time men began to call on the Name of the LORD.
    Psalm 116:13
    13 I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the Name of the LORD.

    Choosing JOY, Stephanie
    [JESUS - the One I THIRST For]

  35. Hello,
    Thank you for visiting me at my blog!
    My God bless you and continue to give you the strength to overcome.

  36. that is BRILLIANT 'you've already lived through the hardest part'. wow wow wow

  37. I have read this book, and it is a wonderful book! If it provides you one tenth of the insight and healing it has for me then you are well on your way to healing fully. Hugs

  38. Thank you all once again!!! ♥♥♥

  39. You are so awesome, bless you sweetie.

  40. That sounds like an informative book. I can relate to much of that list as well. Thank you for sharing that statement about being through the worst already. I never even thought about that!