There is a lot to cover in this chapter. So I will take piece by piece for each one and blog about it in different posts.
“The experience of remembering abuse varies greatly from survivor to survivor. Many women have always remembered their abuse. They may have minimized its importance, denied its impact on their lives, or been numb to their feelings, but they have never forgotten the events themselves. One woman explained, ‘I could rattle off the facts of my abuse like a grocery list, but remembering the fear and terror and pain was another matter entirely.’” (Courage to Heal)
I can relate to this woman in not being able to recall the fear, terror or pain. I do have the memories of hiding in my bedroom closet to avoid my brother’s advances, so I must have felt fear at the time, even though at this point I cannot actually “feel” the memory.
“Some women have blocked out entire segments of their childhood. For instance, they may not remember anything at all-or only the slightest fragments-before the age of seven. Other survivors have selective or partial memory. They remember some occurrences but not others.” (Courage to Heal)
As far as I can recall, I have always remembered my abuse to some degree. Throughout my years, I could recall the incidents in my mind, but never thought that they had any effect on how I relate, until I finally realized that they did!!
Within these past few months in t. I recalled, after finding a picture that was taken around the time my brother was abusing me, my uncle’s great nephew or someone like that (only met him that one time), who was around my age or a year older, we were visiting them, he made both verbal and sexual advances on me. It is amazing to even have a photograph of that very evening (of us all) and this pervert who I had to fight off grabbing me at every opportunity throughout the night until my family and I left to go home. I do remember being very, very nieve and giggling a lot. On the car ride back home, I recall telling both my parents and even my brother who was with us what this idiot tried to do. Naturally, what I said was ‘poo-pooed’ and nothing ever came up about it again.
Thank you so much for sharing... you're in my prayers... Sue
ReplyDeletenot being believed is awful. It makes you feel you are on your own espeically for a kid. Sarah
ReplyDeleteYeah, being poo-pooed. I've never posted my "experiences" in the realm of abuse. For one thing, I'm still figuring it all out, without a "T", can't afford that. But I can tell you they were extensive in injury to my psyche, my whole life habits, failings, and "other". So THERE!
ReplyDeleteI guess I said all i can say about this here. Nobody would believe me, "Awww, you're making this crap up, Steve"
Peace, and I MEAN that!
I too am absent in the area of feeling emotions that go with the abuse. I can tell you word for word what happened, but there is no accompanying emotion without some serious prodding. It's slow, but is trying to leak out little by little.
ReplyDeleteYou are doing such a good job of relating the book to your own life and sharing it with us. I am proud of you!
This is so sad that your parents didn't believe you when you tried to come out and tell them. Why is that? I know now a days parents take those kind of accusations much more serious, and it's by the courage of someone like yourself that others can not only heal, but it educates us that have not gone through it what signs to look for.
ReplyDeleteLove and Hugs ~ Kat
I commend you for doing this painful work. It's so very, very sad that as a child who needed to be defended, your reality was denied. I'm doing my 'trauma work' at the moment, around being physically and mentally abused, not overtly sexually though. But I think all forms of abuse thrive on secrecy and the ability to deny a child's reality.
ReplyDeleteHow awful. I'm giving your young self a hug! And your self now, however old that may be. :)
((hugs!))
I applaud your efforts sweetie, love you.
ReplyDeleteI buried the memories so deep still something I had remembered because I didnt want to be myself. I created a complete new personality for myself. Made me feel like I am slipping in and out of two personalities according to situation...
ReplyDeleteWe have all developed such a strength, will power and endaurance through pain. Exactly the traits which now helps us to work it through to freedom. Hugs, you are doing incredibly.
God is please with those people who stands for the truth! Keep the faith there and continue being in the side of truth for God is with you. God bless you sister.
ReplyDeleteI think removing ourselves (I have been through extensive physical and sexual abuse as a child) from emotion is one of the ways in which survive. I also think that we don't remember everything, when the abuse has been extensive, because our memories just cannot recall everything (yes, there are some who have repressed memories as well, but I didn't -- it was just hard to remember literally thousands of instances of abuse). When my siblings and I get together, we often see who recalls what. With 8 of us, there are usually 3-4 who recall the same incidents and others who do not but recall others. For us, it is memory overload, and differing levels of perception of danger -- some things felt scarier to some and others to others.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you. It is good that you are sharing. It helps. I published my experiences, and that was helpful indeed.
This's so sad. Not only to have this happen to you but then to be ignored.
ReplyDeleteFor what it's worth I believe you. I don't know what I would do if it were me. I wouldn't know who to be more angry at. The abuser or my parents. It would definitely be both. You can tell me to mind my own business and I don't mean to hurt you with this question however, I am just getting to know you and I wondered if your brother, at least, ever apologized to you for what he did to you? It's obvious to me that he has skeletons in his closet to deal with but I hope he would have sought you for your forgiveness to start.
ReplyDeleteGreat courage you have togo through this.
ReplyDeleteEveryone, thank you so much for your comments and sharing some of your hurts. I appreciate all of you.
ReplyDeleteOSW, in response to your question, I have confronted my brother, and he denied the abuse every happened. I did my part, in just letting him know that I know that it did. He can deny it all he wants, but he knows I know the truth.
It's disgraceful when parents refuse to listen to their own children. Thank you, JBR. Blessings.
ReplyDeleteJBR your so brave. You keep hanging in there.
ReplyDeleteJBR,
ReplyDeleteI think I am going to buy that book. You are so precious and I am so proud of you.
Thank you for sharing your Journey to Healing with all of us. You are blessing others in your strength and courage to confront these very painful memories.
((((((HUGS))))))
Thanks for your continued powerful testimony. Our recoverys are different, but we have the same God who can see us through. Your a light to many even if you don't think so. Your to me. God bless.
ReplyDeleteI think you laughed when you told them because that was the only way you could talk about it. Perhaps we tend to make an uncomfortable situation lighter, when we are young, to avoid too much attention to ourselves. Although I never had your situation, I did have one that I never told anyone until years after I was married, because I just wanted to forget the whole thing. I wish now that I had told my parent, they would have believed me, but I could not stand the attention being on me; it was too uncomfortable.
ReplyDelete♥Hope
I completely agree with Hope! I am still stuck within this chapter and probably will be for quite a while. It's difficult to deal with remembering issues. I believe that even though we already remember so many things that happened to us, we are so very afraid a new memory is going to surface to make our pain that much worse. At least, that's one of my fears. Once again I am proud of you sweet one! Hugs to you!!
ReplyDeletei said it and weren't taken seriously. how that must've hurt...
ReplyDeleteThank you for continuing to share from you heart. Blessings, andrea
ReplyDeletePS: prayer request at arise 2 write
It was a tough ordeal on what you've gone through but you are inspiring in the sense that you always show your courage with your every post. I know others are encouraged because of that. And I pray for God to continue guiding you, protecting you and giving you His strength and comfort. God bless.
ReplyDeleteIt has taken me several days to actually read this post. Thanks for the possible trigger warning. We each have to find a way to move through life that is acceptable and makes life possible for us. I applaud the way you share with others. What you are doing takes a lot of courage and strength.
ReplyDeleteEach of you thank you again for your comments, prayers and just being you. As most of you say I am a blessing, you all are a blessing to me too.
ReplyDeleteTricia, I am sorry that this post was difficult for you to read, but am glad you took heed to the warning and went at your own speed.
I'd like to add that I am one of the ones who remembers very little of her childhood-and reading that book caused a flood of memories to come back that I wasn't ready for. Anyone embarking on this journey, please proceed with caution.
ReplyDelete