"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Thursday, September 17, 2009


Last night I went to a dinner function with a friend. There were a lot of families present with small children. You could sit anywhere, and as God would have it, He put a family of seven, five children and two parents at our table. It was inevitable. And I saw God’s humor in this, but also His seriousness. He knows I struggle with my childhood and even at the table before inquiring, I was trying to figure out the ages of the children myself. I found this to be a struggle. That is how detached I feel I am with children. I could not even picture myself being that young, besides seeing photographs of myself at that age. There was one little girl, who was three, and so innocent and carefree that caught my eye. She was my favorite that evening. I watched her intently how she played with her food, said what she wanted, giggled, loved on her parents, interacted with her siblings. Not a freaking care in the world. All in all the children were very well behaved. The parents did not raise their voices, scorn, ridicule they respected what their children had to say and acknowledged them. Quite refreshing, especially in this day and age.

Still processing that evening, as I KNOW there is something in it for me to really grab onto that God wants to share with me.


  1. it'll come to you. i never felt that kind of comfortable around my folks either though. firstly, i'd never have been allowed to go to a dinner function. times then were different. or maybe it was just my parents, who knows. but it's like it was them and us (my brother and i). i never really felt a sense of unity at home...

  2. Even tho I have 2 children of my own, I still struggle with that too. I never intended to marry or have kids - but I guess that wasn't "God's plan" for me, huh? :-)
    I watch them play and see how happy and secure and safe they feel - and it warms my heart becuz I know that I have given them that...and it's painful too - knowing I never had that.
    It seems strange, doesn't it? To watch a family that isn't dysfunctional and how they interact?

  3. When reading this post I could relate. I have no children, am a widower, but I could relate to not being able to relate to children.

  4. Maybe God wanted you to see the little girl inside of you. She's in there and I think she wants to come out and play! I still stare at people, families, children who seem healthy. I watch because I want to learn how they do it.

    Keep doing what you're doing, God loves it when we're listening!

  5. Wow. I've never had that perspective, but it's good of me to hear. You know hubby and I have six children together, and looking at the family from another perspective is interesting. I suppose I've taken a lot for granted in that.

  6. God is very pleased with you dear one.

  7. Hi JBR,
    Maybe God wanted to show you all children are innocent and not bad so those horrible things that happened to you where not your fault?

  8. Now you can see a bit of what I see each day at work. Children are so innocent and pure that it refreshes me and gives me such an inner peace. I'm glad God placed you where He did last night. Just one more step of progress for you girly! Hugs!!

  9. It is truly a pleasure to watch how kids will interact with their families. I have become more of a people watcher in my age and I never tire of it.

    Love and Hugs ~ Kat

  10. You are so opened to God. This is so refreshing.

  11. As I was reading this I found myself reflecting on my own relationship with my troubled daughter. My son makes me very proud to be a parent, my daughter causes me to pause on more than I care to say occassions. I enjoy children very much but don't relate so well to them after a certain age. My son stayed the course and together, we are very close. He is so accepting of his step dad that in public, others believe him to be his natural child. I see what I am suppose to have been through mmy son many times. young at heart, strong in mind and free enough to engage both. Hugs to you today my friend. Tammy

  12. You're experience brought to mind one of my own, similar but different. I was out to dinner one night with my husband. I looked over at a family sitting at another table, and there was this cute little girl, probably no more than three years old. My only thought in looking at her was this, "That little girl doesn't even realize how f'ed up this world is!" I was shocked by my own thoughts. It was then that I realized I was holding onto more of my own abusive childhood than I had thought. I never got to be a normal little girl, and I guess I can't even imagine what a normal childhood would have been like.

  13. Maybe God is trying to show you another way to parent, another way to treat children. Maybe He's trying to tell you that is how he treats his children - will treat you.

    Just a thot...