Finally, the Lord has revealed to me, in words I can now understand, as I have been asking Him to please, please, please, please explain my pain and why I am so miserable day in and day out. He has placed on my heart exactly what I am doing!
Even with endless prayers from myself and concerned others to break strongholds in my life, the simple truth is that I have NOT FULLY SURRENDERED! Part of me is still holding back, afraid and uncertain of the unknown!!!!
It is a miserable existence to be miserable most of your life. Not fun at all! Yet, I still choose it!!!
As sick as that last statement is, and this next one will contradict what I am after, "I remain comfortable in my misery. As this is all I ever knew." Still, I know there is something better......
I long for relief!!!
I long for joy!!!
I long for peace!!!
With this revelation, and despite my misery, I know I am getting closer to my goal of being set free!!!
If you have really tried, and you are not fighting to reverse yourself from your new goal, it will happen. Let go, unclench your grip.
ReplyDeleteFreedom....in God's perfect time...as you choose to let go and surrender everything. God bless.
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain. I pray that God will release you of your fears.
ReplyDeleteI understand I to wanting to be free of the pain so im here. let me know you did it
ReplyDeleteI soooo get it. I have been there and this post will help so many. We cling to what we know even though we know there is likely something better...we are afraid of what could be better.
ReplyDeletePraying for you to have the strength to move to that which is healthier and better for you.
Blessings, andrea
Never thought that my words would be echoed on someone else's blog - to God be the Glory. How can I give him praise? Because I know that I am not suffering alone & that is where the blessing is - and out of YOUR belly shall flow rivers of LIVING water.
ReplyDeleteI long and desire for those wonderful things as well JBR. My heart wants to let go completely, but for some reason, I continue to hold on, just as you. Lifting you up sweety!
ReplyDeleteyou are coming to surrender a little every day you know. it doesn't just happen, it is a process.
ReplyDeletethe one thing i have learned in recovery is that no matter what the situation, what the problem is that life is dealing me the answer always begins with surrender and acceptance.
take care of you
I understand what you mean by being comfortable with your misery. When it's all you know, it's difficult to imagine anything else. Maybe now would be a good time to start imagining yourself as free. :)
ReplyDeleteI send love and prayers to you as you continue one step at a time in your journey to health.
ReplyDeletePG
You sure I did'nt write this?"???
ReplyDeleteI can relate so very much to your words and your pain. I was really bad off a few years back. Still working on some of the issues. It will take time. Cannot rush the process. Even if you feel like your going to die.
Sorry for your pain,. Barb
I get it, it's about courage to make change, courage to take a step into the unknown and because I dare not..it means I am not surrendering fully, yes I long for peace too.
ReplyDeleteMay God heal your pain.
Your revelation is what I've been sensing in you all along dear, but it takes God to speak to you, and once you've realized it, that you do have a choice, you're nearing a breakthrough. Neil Anderson's book "The Bondage Breaker" really helps.
ReplyDeleteJBR, I love you, please don't be offended by my earlier comment, I've just read a wonderful post from another blogger, please check it out:
ReplyDeletehttp://markingthepath.blogspot.com/2009/10/dont-look-back.html#comment-form . Yours-in-Christ.
JBR, were you not afraid of the unknown--you'd be the first in human history so blest.
ReplyDeleteAnother trudging the road of Happy Destiny...PEACE, girl!
Keep the faith. Walk the walk. When things become difficult you know your on the right path to victory.
ReplyDeleteJBR, I thought I prefered death over the unknown new better life! We are human, we didnt know any different and humans are afraid of the unknown. For me the only thing which helped me was to imagine every day if I would like to go back were I come from or would I rather go ahead. I decided that nothing ahead can be as bad as what was behind me. Hugs
ReplyDeleteHow else through a broken heart can Christ enter? Brokeness is part of the game. Your realness is so painful, but necessary. God Bless
ReplyDeleteHoney, the freedom has always been there in front of you. God has always been within you. You have taken off the blinders and now you are able to see the end of the path. Peace.
ReplyDeleteBe Well
JBR hang in there! You've come such a long way! I'm in your court cheering you on!
ReplyDeleteNever surrender. Happiness is all around you, in the small things God created to please us. There's no point in living in pain. Just say NO to it.
ReplyDeleteJBR. I thought you might like to check out this blog - I mean in case you dont know her:
ReplyDeletehttp://buffalopine.wordpress.com/
Precious, mill of hugs to you
I just saw that you had signed on as one of my friends ... I'm thankful you did. I've read through some of your posts and found myself thinking "that was me...different time and place perhaps, but that was me". I too have asked the Lord to let me be real...to take off the masks (there are many) and allow me to be the person He created me to be.
ReplyDeleteThank you for being my friend...you speak to my heart and I appreciate that.
JBR dear, I guess it is about letting go of your past. You had the courage to want to change your life, that is good, but your past is holding you back. Until you realize why, you may have great difficulty finding the happiness you have so yearned for. I am saying this becos, I think I am in the same rut. I am still finding answers. Bless you
ReplyDeleteAMEN!!!!!
ReplyDeleteDear JBR...my emotions fail me at this minute...only today I happened to read your blog...I am victim of adoption...even to this day...there is this child in me that is stubborn and does not want to heal...time is the only answer...The answer to your question Why this this pain? because you God's favourite cup of tea...
ReplyDeleteWe are called to play our part and there is no two ways about it...we need to carry our cross...open up and reach out to other people like you..pray for them and so you will see you have all the answers in you..there is this poem I am dedicating it for you on my blog:) read it when you feel like it...my prayers are with you TC:)
Hang in thereas hard as it may be for you. You have come a long way baby! As the saying goes. God is up to something good! It's you!!
ReplyDeleteI am so proud of you for choosing to be free! It's amazing what we can become comfortable with, no matter how toxic it may be. Take care! <3
ReplyDeleteSorry for your frustration. But taking care of business in accomplishing your goal as you state will be worth it in the end! Rah Rah!
ReplyDeleteThere is a powerful example of surrender. A man who was led as a lamb to the slaughter. I often think of Him when I am in a state of resistance. I believe that he gives us the ultimate example of TRUST in the unknown places of our lives. It is hard to comprehend a man in such pain having the strength to bear it all and STILL loving others around him as he hang there dying. That is a strength I believe you are on the path to discover. There is GREATNESS to come as you surrender to this time of suffering and a peace like you never knew existed. To find this peace I had to stop resisting and give up my defenses. As always...I am hoping for you.
ReplyDeleteHallelujah!
ReplyDeleteThe support you continue to receive here JBR is unmistakable in your walk to freedom. Keep it up.
ReplyDeleteI was just over at another blog where this line was written, "breaking my chains of contentment" We can grow content even in misery. ..content with how things are...be it misery or comfort. God always want more for us. I pray that this breakthrough of yours will result in a new level in your relationship with Him!
ReplyDeleteSuch great words. Someone once asked me if I was ready to get better, and told me until I made that choice, I wouldn't be healed the way I wanted to. God has shown you that you have not fully made that choice yet. But be comforted that no matter what, He (and all of us) will be here for you!
ReplyDeletesurrender - not so easy when you feel a strong need to maintain control. For me surrender like forgiveness is a process. Sometimes I think I've surrendered only to find I can't or didn't or afraid to let go....you are amazing lady. Sarah
ReplyDeleteFreedom will come, when God feels it is time.
ReplyDelete