Sitting at my computer at work, around 4:00 p.m. today, reality all of a sudden hits me like a cold sweat with some crucial comforts from yesterday’s t. session as the intervention of the Holy Spirit brought out some very good and nice feelings, (something I cannot even recall ever experiencing). How I long to savor those good feelings of yesterday of feeling safe and nurtured!!!
I guess reality (as painful as it is for me now) will be with me for some time, as I choose daily to welcome it in for cleansing purposes.
I am truly grateful that I have a boss who knows I am dealing with issues and I can take the liberty to zone out at my desk or in a quiet place and let the moment happen without repercussions.
Even though I am still in the very, very, early stages of trying NOT to people please, I still do and I still get hurt. Anyone who struggles with people pleasing knows how hard it is to not say 'no,' when you desire so much to be included!!!! I should have said 'no' to an event tonight. Now my spirit is crushed. I am hurt, upset and angry because it did not go my way. All the while, I knew this was going to happen beforehand. But Noooooooooooo, I went ahead and plowed right into the situation knowing the chances would be that I would get hurt. I did. But, I was desperate.
Amazing.....I can go from one minute thinking, “I will be okay, I can beat this emotional pain,” to the next thinking, "I am going to die!!!"