"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

REALITY SETS IN!


Sitting at my computer at work, around 4:00 p.m. today, reality all of a sudden hits me like a cold sweat with some crucial comforts from yesterday’s t. session as the intervention of the Holy Spirit brought out some very good and nice feelings, (something I cannot even recall ever experiencing). How I long to savor those good feelings of yesterday of feeling safe and nurtured!!!

I guess reality (as painful as it is for me now) will be with me for some time, as I choose daily to welcome it in for cleansing purposes.

I am truly grateful that I have a boss who knows I am dealing with issues and I can take the liberty to zone out at my desk or in a quiet place and let the moment happen without repercussions.

Even though I am still in the very, very, early stages of trying NOT to people please, I still do and I still get hurt. Anyone who struggles with people pleasing knows how hard it is to not say 'no,' when you desire so much to be included!!!! I should have said 'no' to an event tonight. Now my spirit is crushed. I am hurt, upset and angry because it did not go my way. All the while, I knew this was going to happen beforehand. But Noooooooooooo, I went ahead and plowed right into the situation knowing the chances would be that I would get hurt. I did. But, I was desperate.

Amazing.....I can go from one minute thinking, “I will be okay, I can beat this emotional pain,” to the next thinking, "I am going to die!!!"

30 comments:

  1. ok... question.... are we related? I totally understand. I go through the same stuff. Thanks for being honest, for being open, for being real. Sarah

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  2. I totally understand this. I do it too. Hang in there my friend.

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  3. I get it...I still struggle with people pleasing. Today, has been a difficult day and in the midst of it I was able to set a boundary politely and not allow someone to manipulate and make me feel guilty for something I should not. I leap with joy at this triumph. Thank you for your encouragement. Each day is a new day and we begin again!
    Blessings and prayers, andrea

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  4. I have recently had to say NO which means possible non-acceptance. Although I have been practicing this for a long time there are parts that are hard, but also become easier at the same time. You begin to see that acceptance does not EQUAL how good it feels to be WHOLE. As you work out this journey and you become more and more familiar with yourself and how good it feels to be YOU, the whole and healthy YOU, it is easier to say NO and more importantly to live with the consequence of what NO will mean. For those of us who NEVER knew NO was an option TIME is a great friend when practicing this new behavior. It does get easier. I PROMISE, just keep hanging on.

    I truly understand this place and I am hoping for you today.

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  5. I go back and forth between thinking I'm going to make it, and then thinking I'm going to die.
    Hang in there. You're not alone. And the One who started this process in you has promised to complete it.

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  6. We can't change in an instant..We're all work in progress. Hang in there JBR! Blessings to you.

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  7. The positive thng here is that you experienced feeling safe and being loved yesterday. Those are someting you can fall back on as they become more evident in your life.

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  8. Hang in there, and take your time.

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  9. This post intrigues me for two reasons:

    1) If you were a captive or prisoner, held in a cave, or deep under ground in darkness for a great length of time, you would acclimate to darkness.
    Suddenly, you are set free at high noon.
    Even though you are free, your eyes squint shut tight, and you are confused and disoriented, for the power of the light is so true, and so new to you. It would take time for anyone to readjust from darkness to the light of day.

    Christ himself said "I am the LIGHT of the World", among other things, so drawing close to Him brings greater brightness to you daily, and you are adjusting to the newness of His Light and Love.

    2). What a blessing for you to be employed by the one person in the marketplace that would allow you a few moments of downtime, as you readjust to Number 1 stated above.
    This person is truly a gift from God to you, and those in this audience who pray, should give thanks to the Lord for the gift of this employer for JBR. No wonder they call him the Savior.

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  10. JBR I am glad to read that you did feel good at one point. I pray in reality this will come more often for you.

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  11. Even if you said yes, you can always change your mind. I started out just like what you are experiencing now: blowin' it. Then, I learned how to give myself an out in the beginning by adding something to the "yes", like, "I'll have to check first, tho." (less embarrassing to back out afterwards). And then, I learned how to say "no". Finally, I can say, "No thanks, I don't want to." I can't do it every time, like during depressed days, but I know I will be able to do it again.

    Hang in there - and many hugs.

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  12. JBR,

    This is where you should give up pleasing people who are bound to let you down, and become God pleasing because He will never let you down.

    Love and Hugs ~ Kat

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  13. I understand how you feel my friend

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  14. I struggle with people pleasing too. It seems that frequently I'll feel the old familiar anxiety rising and realize I'm at it again. Then I'll remind myself that God is the only one I need to please and that, even if I mess up, He still loves me.

    As mentioned above, it's a process. You've come so far; I'm believing you're going to be experiencing more and more days ahead that include that safe and nurtured experience from the Holy Spirit.

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  15. Oh Dear One, hugs to you. It is great to watch and feel your progress. Guess many of us who lived on ones ide only experience this "I will manage" and "I will die" - the two extremes which will balance themselves in due course til then they happened very often to me. Pleople pleasing is hard to overcome, I remember I even wanted to please my Therapist! Sometimes I still do however in the moment I realise it I take actions. To get to this point took my sample 10 years... Be patient, be gentle with yourself. It becomes easier, all... Love across the pond

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  16. Darlin' examine this statement of yours.

    "I knew this was going to happen beforehand."

    Is it possible that your prior to the event statement of belief brought about the action that made it come true?

    Nothing in the future is predetermined. Ever. always walk with an open mind and react in the moment not hours beforehand.

    Be Well JBR.

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  17. I have a great blog post you might find interesting. Take a peek! http://www.2blessed2bcursed.com/

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  18. As a Christian, your chief mandate, your number-one priority, your ultimate ambition, your main purpose for living is to please God.
    Not only does the people-pleaser love the wrong thing (the approval of man rather than the approval of God), he fears the wrong thing as well—he fears the disapproval of man more than the disapproval of God.

    Fearing the rejection of man is often a misplaced fear. Being focused on pleasing people is unrealistic since selfishness distorts their reasoning and causes them to have unreasonable expectations. So why "would you trust his [man's] ability to discern your character and determine the basis on which he approves or disapproves of you? Why trust him to determine the standard by which he accepts or rejects you.

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  19. stuck-in-the-middleOctober 15, 2009

    JBR hang in there. You speak of hope in the midst of your sorrow. That always encouarges me.

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  20. Jesus understands your pain Just Be REal! He's as real as they come. God Bless.

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  21. that see-saw effect... very disconcerting. hugs hunny!

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  22. It is that roller coaster ride I keep talking about. It is good to know you are not alone! Hugs.

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  23. Thinking of you and sending good thoughts to you!
    May today be the beginning of a lifetime of beautiful days!

    Take very good care of your special self!

    Joy and blessings to you!

    Margie:)

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  24. While I can't say I know what you are going through exactly, I do know the fickleness of emotions. I am praying for you, sweetie. God is with you. (((((hugs)))))

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  25. Hang in there sweetie. The love that you'll eventually embrace will be worth it in the end.

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  26. I found the following quote a while back and I copied it even put it on my computer. This may be of help or just insight. Ron

    Emotional pain is the scourge of the heart and soul. Emotional pain eats away at our humanity. Emotional pain is a burden taking away the quality of our life and most assuredly our emotional pain weighs us down. When we are burdened by our emotional pain we need to lighten the burden. When we hurt, we need a way to take some of the weight off our heart and soul. There is a way to lighten our burden of emotional pain. The way to lighten our load is to tune into the upward pulling force of Jesus.

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  27. What you say here rings so true. I thought that I was so alone in being strong and then falling down again. I feel like I am on the cusp of falling apart, and clinging to hope that I will make it again. Please take care of you, and thanks for being real.

    hugs, mile 191

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  28. I, too, am grateful that you have a boss that supports you with the issues you are working on...and how hard they are. The people pleasing is a toughy. You'd think, once we have the awareness that it is poison and it's slowly killing us, that we'd never once take another taste. But, it's a process that takes a lot longer than that. Be patient with yourself and take gentle care.

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  29. And you will be okay you know. There will come a day you will be able to go your own way. You are fortunate indeed to have such latitude at work. Take care. You are one day closer to freedom.

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  30. Keeping you in my prayers.. you are so honest. I wish you so much goodness in your life.

    A million hugs.

    I'm feeling very emotionally healthy lately.

    I had some bad thoughts and could have spiral down at times of Late.. but I remember the tools I learned in Al-Anon and use them..

    I'm understanding about triggers.. and that has helped too.

    took a long time. I'm 48 .. but better these precious days now finally..

    The pain of my childhood is dissipating.. I feel strong and not a victim..

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