"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Saturday, October 24, 2009

REFLECTION OF MY OWN SELF


Forgiveness does not come easy for me, it seems.

I have really taken notice of the way I am with people. Especially at work since that is where I daily associate with all types closely. I even verbally said out loud yesterday to myself, “I hold grudges.” Not the kind where I would take action and get even.

I expect so much out of people. (As I expect so much from myself.)

My dad was a very critical man. Extremely opinionated to the point I would become embarrassed when he would voice his dislikes in front of people, thinking they would not hear him. I too can be a very critical person and thus judge you harshly!

Sure, I can keep on using the excuse the way I act/react is because of my upbringing. Which a lot does have to do with it! However, there has got to come a time where I need to change. I already realize I have this struggle, now it is time to make more of an effort to ‘extend mercy’ first to myself and also to others. However little it may seem at the get-go.

27 comments:

  1. Sometimes you have to make your mind up before your day begins and you're surrounded by coworkers. :)

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  2. That is a courageous thing to do to admit you have a problem with forgiveness. Not everyone will say that. Try not to beat up on yourself. You're recognizing that you need to first forgive yourself. Big step! God Bless.

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  3. I too have a problem with forgiving--- mostly myself. I just can't seem to do it.

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  4. I found myself nodding along to this post.

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  5. I struggled with that too but the more I accept me, the more I accept others are where they are at. I can let go more quickly. In the past I couldn't. Thanks JB for being real, for being honest, for sharing your heart. Have an awesome weekend. Sarah

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  6. I'm right with you on this one sister! You hang in there and take one day @ a time.

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  7. Beautiful post JBR. I pray God would have Mercy on me and help me to extend it to others. Thanks for the reminder. :)

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  8. Thanks all for your comments! <><

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  9. The correlation between how we judge ourselves and therefore how we judge others cannot be under estimated in my opinion. One of my recovery books highlights this fact, Adult Children of Abuse "judge themselves without mercy". It was such a relief to stop doing this to myself and just like Sarah said somehow it folded into my relationships with others. However when I AM TRIGGERED, wow the power of the NO MERCY moments. I believe I will always struggle with this in some way.

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  10. I think most people have a problem with forgiveness. It means we have to admit we're wrong. And seeing the same people everyday, eventually it wears on you. I think once we are unhappy with our job or whatever, it seems like those we are around the most, irritate us the most. Now that I'm retired, I can look back and say, that was no big deal. I shouldn't have been that way at all. I believe you are dead on with the mercy thought!

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  11. You know, I sruggle with being critical very much myself and I've come to the conclusion that when we judge or criticize another person, it says nothing about that person.It merely says something about our own need to be critical.

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  12. I'm sorry that this behavior is hurting you. I often get hurt because I hold no grudges - I'm to a fault the opposite of yours. Neither is good. It all began as me trying to see why someone did what they did. I quickly found that everybody has a reason for what they do. It may not be my reason, it may not be a good reason, but it's theirs and I have to acknowledge that. I have to give them the right to validation - just as I have learned to demand from them.

    I think it's wonderful that you are not in denial about grudges and willing to work on them. I also don't believe it is a duty, or requirement to "forgive". Forgiveness means so many different things.

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  13. Seems as though many of us can not escape struggling with holding grudges. Once again, I must just say...I am a work in progress...some days better than others.
    Love, hugs, and prayers, andrea

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  14. That's okay, with the Spirit's help, you will let go of those grudges in His perfect time. Only by His grace we are able to accomplish that. It took me a long time to forgive some people, too. But when the Lord brings it into our attention and our hearts, I just realized it was just me hurting and those people I couldn't forgive just kept doing their own thing. Aside from it [forgiveness[ pleasing the Lord, what a liberating feeling it was to learn to let go and give it to His hands. God bless you JBR. Have a great weekend!

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  15. I meant to put this post here and not in the other one. Messed up.
    I used to struggle so much with a critical jelouse heart. On occassion I am reminded that I'm human and have to correct my thinking and who I am in Christ. Great post!

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  16. Beautiful background to your blog. Just a suggestion that it is difficult to read the small white print.

    Love your post about grudges. They are so destructive to self and others. It seems like those who have them don't like themselves and are angry.

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  17. I think you are on the right track. Each day is a new start at having happiness in your life.
    Just like dieting sometimes you have to start over each day. I wish you success. I pray for your comfort.

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  18. I experienced a very unexpected and surprising low point tonight. I found myself suddenly surrounded by no distractions and broke down into a miserable heap of dispair and shame. I know this is tempory. But no amount of logic can silence the condemning voice inside. Your blog remains a constant inspiration. Thank you for sharing your journey - it gives me courage to continue mine!! Love, S.C.

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  19. The most empowering thing is when you realize you control your emotions, not the opposite. Self awareness is the first step! Keep on keeping on!

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  20. Thank you so much for your support! I can't verbalise how much it means! Have an increadibly blessed weekend! Love, S.C.

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  21. So true. We can't move forward until we OWN our own stuff.

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  22. JBR, you are really growing! To realize that you need to extend mercy first to yourself then to others. Good for you! Blessings!

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  23. I can relate, I picked up some bad habits from my mom that affect the way I react sometimes. I'm working on breaking those habits in me, one day at a time, one step at a time.

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  24. Bless you for this powerful reminder sweetie.

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  25. ooooo, grudges... its the scorpio in me, heee heee heee. buuuut, i must say, i will forgive, but i'll never forget... is that true forgiveness????

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  26. For me, the hardest part is being able to forgive myself, and I've heard it said that unless we can accept God's forgiveness and forgive ourselves, we can't really forgive others. Why are we so hard on ourselves, I wonder.

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