"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Thursday, October 08, 2009


I have been thinking a lot about Tuesday’s t. session with the discovery of my mum being the root of my abandonment issues. I am still in awe of this finding!

The positive thing here is that, even though I am presently experiencing this pain which brought up the discussion on Tuesday, I do realize for the time being this issue will be extremely painful when I am triggered. But, I can at least ‘try’ and shift my mind to not taking it out “on myself,” but to realize what I am feeling at the moment is stemming from my past and early childhood. That it WAS NOT MY FAULT! Where before, when triggered, it would be immediate self blame and the misery for days I would feel. No other excuse! I was the bad person. I was the crazy one here. I was a freak. I was the culprit. I was unacceptable. I was worthless. I was full of guilt and shame, etc. etc.

I really do not look forward to being triggered in this area, but it is inevitable. Even thinking about it upsets me. Not that God is out to get me, but I do realize He needs to have hurts brought up for healing. Whether I am triggered out in the world or in a safe environment with my t, the reward of freedom will outweigh the pain one day! Amen!


  1. Amen, God will grant you beautiful freedom sweetie. I love you.

  2. I understand about trigger points , sometimes it cant be helped. we try to think positive .I know i try but i know for me it hard because I'm in a bad place in my life right now.
    we need to be in a positive place so the bad parts don't get triggered
    Thanks for being my friend

  3. You seem very positive with your new discovery. Not all can be as brave with what lies ahead. God speed as you continue ahead to your goal.

  4. stuck-in-the-middleOctober 08, 2009

    JBR hang in there. Your doing great!

  5. " Not that God is out to get me, but I do realize He needs to have hurts brought up for healing."

    JBR read those words again and tell me why you think God needs for you to hurt in order for you to heal? God has no need for you to live your pain in order to resolve it.

    God is not human, he is not a human doctor trying to diagnose you through the display of your symptoms. God is a Spirit and knows not only all of your symptoms without them being felt by you but the "cure" of the underlying illness that brings the symptoms on.

    practice faith (not belief) and the spirit will absolutely heal without more pain.

    Be Well

  6. God has you right where your supposed to be. He will reveal through your pain what you need to go through to get to the other side. When I was drinking I knew the drink was just an excuse to cover up my pain. Until I came face to face with the pain adn worked my way through it with his help not only did I understand more of why I was doing what I was doing the pain showed me many things. Once through, its not as painful anymore. Sure there are days where I strguggle but it is easier. Hope this helps. God Bless.

  7. I praise GOD for continued progress in your healing process. Each step may be a difficult journey, but I praise HIM you are able and willing to take these steps.

    Thank you for your prayers. I am still trying to breath.

    Blessings, andrea

  8. We are taught the lesson, and then we are given the opportunity to put it into action... again, and again, until we finally really learn it.
    I'm sorry this is painful for you. It IS growing pains though. I agree, the freedom will ultimately outweigh the pain.
    Be Gentle with yourself.

  9. In a recent Al-Anon meeting someone identified themselves as having lived in the:

    I could so identify with that. Being the victim, I always took the blame and felt that I was at fault - somehow!

    Many program years later I don't slip into this role too often. Life is better that way.

    God bless,

  10. Good for you that you can identify the tools you need if you get triggered. That's huge. To realize that there IS something you can do.

  11. JBR,

    Working through each of these pains and hurts with God will allow Him to heal each one and move it to the pile that He will carry for you and allow you more freedom to move forward.

    Love and Hugs ~ Kat

  12. JBR you are doing a great job. I know how hard it is when you are triggered. Your faith is strong and will carry you. Hugs my friend.

  13. Growing and growing just keep growing and growing. It is hardest to be kind to our own souls. You can do it! think on how to show yourself proper comforts ...
    I learned that the garden and beauty comfort me better than going to the food for the false fix. Think about what comforts you? Like filling up the empty cup. Our cup must get filled up to have anything to guard us from the drip dry of those who are so very dysfunctional around us.

  14. It was not my fault is so huge. To really know that inside and to believe it is big. You are the best. Sarah

  15. As you know, perhaps, my mom abandoned me over and over and ultimately by her final act of suicide.

    There is healing. There is freedom. There is love. There is a place for you, even if it was not with her, where you will never be left. You are on the right journey to discover your freedom from abandonment's power having the final say in your life.

    Though my Mother and Father forsake me, the Lord will lift me up (Duet 10:27, I think!).

    Hold on tight my friend to hope. It is yours to have.

  16. The walking man brought up a good point here that got me thinking. Sometimes the Lord heals us instantly and sometimes he doesn't. I have experienced both and always wondered why this was. It is not always a faith issue. I know people with great faith who still have sufferings. As a matter of fact, I don't know anybody who has absolutely no suffering at all. Even Jesus suffered, as did his disciples; surely they had great faith? God sees the bigger picture. I think that he uses certain things in our life to draw us closer to Him. Paul, in his letter to the Corinthians [2 Cor. 11:23-28] describes some terrible trials. Pray for immediate healing but if it doesn't happen don't worry; if He is healing you over time this is good, too. Sometimes He is trying to teach us on the journey.

  17. Hey JBR,
    That's a very encouraging breakthrough to achieve in your therapy session. Yes, it hurts, but now you can heal. I recall receiving a revelation like that in a session, and boy did it hurt, but that hurt faded bit by bit over time.
    How wonderful to know that the cycle of self-hate and self-blame has been exposed as the lie it always was.
    God bless, and keep pressing into Jesus.

  18. Yes I believe to get rid of the pain you may have to relive some of it again to heal. You just keep going forward there is a light at the end of this long tunnel.